𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 [Ratched X Reader]

3 | To cure the sane

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━

Nurse Ratched was everywhere. I couldn't stop thinking about this woman. There were moments when I occasionally encountered her in the hallways in the morning where she would always wish me a ‚Good morning' with a little, reserved smile on her pretty pale face. Even if these two words were all that had left her lips in my presence such random encounters with her brought me joy and made me forget about my actual uneasiness being the only young girl here in this hospital. Sometimes I would see her at the reception counter, catching her glance at me when I was reading a book in the lobby, which evoked a prickling sensation on my skin. When I would catch her she'd just quickly give me a simple nod before lowering her gaze, pretending to scribble something on her clipboard.

In reverse, she would sometimes catch me observe her folding the towels so I found myself often in awkward situations but still I couldn't ban this woman out of my thoughts and liked seeing her around. I didn't know the reason behind that. It was simply odd. Maybe her aura had captivated me, maybe I was just curious as to why the nurse acted so reserved.

The moment I stepped into the room this afternoon and took a seat opposite Nurse Bucket I knew this session was going to make me feel very uncomfortable. The room was flooded in the bright light of the morning sun, an open window brought fresh air in here. I nervously played with my fingers on my lap, looking down more often than necessary when I felt Nurse Bucket's gaze on me. Minutes where we discussed my melancholy felt like endless hours and I couldn't help longing to be in my room again.

I'd figured out Nurse Bucket was head nurse and although she seemed to be grumpy most of the time she was very dedicated to her job here. Maybe this side of her was just a way for the woman to deal with the duties as a head nurse.

"How long have you had these tendencies?", the Nurse's voice filled the room again and she adjusted her glasses as she looked up from the clipboard on her lap.

I stopped playing with my fingers. "Tendencies? Are you referring to my melancholy?"

"No", her gaze focused intently on me and I found it hard to look her in the eyes. "I refer to your sapphic thoughts"

Abashed I chew on my lip, simultaneously my hands started to sweat. It was an odd feeling to sit here with her in this room and talk about my feelings, followed by this awkward tension. Deep inside I was once convinced that it was somehow right to have these feelings for women but now as Nurse Bucket confronted me I'd suddenly become very insecure and ashamed about it. I suddenly felt scared that she would be disgusted, that she would tell everyone and they'd think I was disgusting. The nurse made me question me again, she made me consider that there was a possibility I was maybe indeed sick.

"Well?", she dug deeper, raising an eyebrow, which made me even more insecure.

"I-I don't know. I think I've always been this way"

Nurse Bucket looked at me blankly, the hint of slight disdain in her voice didn't go unnoticed. „Really? Why is that? What moves you to have such inappropriate desires and thoughts?"

Inappropriate desires.

I stared at my fingers. "I just feel that way... I've had struggles to trust men since I witnessed certain things in my childhood and I simply don't want to submit myself to a man. I don't necessarily think it's wrong to love another human, a woman. I believe there is no cure for simply being myself"

"Lesbianism is a serious disease, Miss Y/N, and these thoughts of yours are clouding your mind. You aren't able to distinguish from what is right and what is wrong anymore"

As I felt out of nowhere anger bloom in my chest I clenched my fist and finally dared to look at her again. "And who decides what is right and what is wrong?"

Surprised by my unexpected answer the Nurse just stared at me with her blue eyes for a while and opened her mouth but in the next moment, we were interrupted as a Nurse burst through the door.

"Miss Bucket, Dr. Hanover wishes to speak to you at once", she announced out of breath.

Nurse Bucket let out the laughter of sheer disbelief. "Excuse me, I'm in the middle of a session- "

"Dr. Hanover said it's urgent", the Nurse explained and nervously tugged a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.

The head nurse pressed her red lips together before she finally rolled her eyes in annoyance and stood up, shooting the Nurse a half-hearted smile. "Well, if that's the case..." She turned around and looked directly at me with her blue eyes. "We will proceed later. You're dismissed"

I could just give a slight nod and watched them exit the room before the two nurses disappeared in the next corridor. I slowly got up, unsure whether to stay or return to the day room but as there was barely anything to investigate here I walked towards the dark corridor, just illuminated by some wall lights, and closed the big white door behind me.

"I understand your worries and insecurity but we have our ways to help you", a familiar deep female voice sounded behind me. Gasping in surprise, I turned around and spotted Nurse Ratched leaning against the wall with her arms folded. Mildred Ratched had just spoken to me and for the first time, it wasn't for wishing me a good morning. That was all I could think of before her words actually started to make sense in my head.

She stepped out of the shadow and motioned closer until she stood directly in front of me. At first, I was so perplexed that I couldn't manage to open my mouth and say anything but luckily she continued, her brown eyes resting on me as she leaned closer to my face and her red lips parted "I'd just like to remind you that it would be to your advantage if you didn't jib at the help you're offered here"

I gulped, taking a moment to let her words sink. I'd nearly missed the fact that she'd probably overheard my conversation with Nurse Bucket. Had she really been standing there the whole time, listening?

I fleetingly scanned the empty corridor behind her before I dared to look her in the eyes again, trying to keep my composure. "How do you wish to cure a woman who isn't sick, Nurse Ratched?"

My answer seemed to take her aback, she just kept holding eye contact while a slight frown appeared on her forehead for a fleeting moment. Noticing my heart was beating fast I was quick to lower my gaze and attempted to walk past her as I wasn't sure what to do and she didn't say anything as well but Nurse Ratched suddenly snatched my wrist with her warm, slender fingers, holding me back.

With wide eyes and a pounding heart I looked at her hand, then hesitantly at her face. "Do you already know how long you are to stay here, Miss Y/N?" What was that supposed to mean? I opened my mouth but she was faster and cut me off as she leaned closer, her warm, minty breath brushing my cheek. "You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. If I were you I would take a moment to reflect one more time with which kind of attitude you face your treatment" After that the corner of her mouth twitched to the slightest indication of a smirk, before she eventually let go of me and walked past me without looking back. Puzzled, I watched the women in her blue work uniform disappear.

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━