𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 [Ratched X Reader]

2 | We all have secrets

A/N: I've just realised more than 400 people are following me! Wow, this is so cool!! Thank y'all! I hope my stories won't disappoint you<3!

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I didn't quite understand why I had to stay here in this hospital. Well, on the one side I was well aware that my melancholy from time to time tended to get the better of me, which could affect me badly sometimes, and that there were ways to help or even cure me here. But on the other side, I didn't understand why the main reason I was forced to be here were my feelings for women.

Mother had always told me to marry a young handsome man who was capable of feeding and protecting the family I should have with him. She'd taken me and my brother to church with her where she would always talk after the service to the neighbors who had a son my age. I'd been well aware of why she'd been so eager to do that but at the same time, I'd never been too fond of marrying a man I had to serve the rest of my life, who I had to submit to. Nevertheless, I'd known mother would have done anything to force her will upon me.

All the girls in school back then had doted on young soldiers, admiring their bravery and strength. They'd talked about how exciting it would be to fall in love and found a family. I simply hadn't believed in this bubble of idealism. Everyone just blindly followed society's standards but they never saw what was actually going on behind the facades: A woman's duties were doing the household and taking care of the children, men ruled the roost, men were favored over women in society - We were still more than far away from equality.

As a child, I and my friend Polly had often played in the hayloft of their house but also often had to witness how Polly's father had slapped her mother, how he'd yelled at her until we'd heard her sobbing bitterly from downstairs. Memories like these had shaped me.

Marriage was mandatory for Mother. For a long time, I hadn't believed in marriage until women had begun to fascinate me. I hadn't longed to live with a man but a woman, which was a huge problem as I, therefore, didn't fit society's standards.

And right now after the incident with my teacher I was being punished for my feelings and thoughts. They would try to convince me here with all their might that I was sick and needed to be cured. Could it be so wrong to love someone so the world made you think you were suffering from a disease? Why wasn't I supposed to love another woman?

Right now I was on my way to the canteen, observing other patients as I passed the lobby. I'd soon figured out the patients here were all older than me, which made my stay even more uncomfortable. A man was speaking to a nurse, a woman with her head in her hands was staring in the distance. Most of the patients wore an empty expression which didn't go unnoticed by me. It was sad to determine that there was so much pain and madness in a beautiful building like this.

A wave of sadness hit me as the thought of Mrs. Underell all of a sudden crossed my mind.

Will I ever see her again? Does she hate me for what I've done? Does she even want to see the disgusting girl that kissed her ever again?

I realized how much I missed my old life before this event but as my eyes began to water I forced myself to hold my tears back. I felt ashamed of crying in front of others.

Before I entered the canteen I closed my eyes for a moment to free me from the thoughts of my past. With a peach in my hand, I sat down at a table in the corner, lost in my thoughts as I observed other patients sitting at their tables. Some people were sitting alone, some together, chatting. I didn't feel confident enough to address someone so I just sat there and ate my peach in silence.

Out of the corner of my eye, I perceived the blue uniform of a nurse at some point so I carefully turned my head to the side and spotted Nurse Ratched. At the sight of her, I suddenly felt an odd fluttery feeling near my stomach I couldn't interpret. With her head held high, she sauntered through the canteen, her hands swinging in rhythm. The close-fitting bright blue dress accentuated her curves and her bosom, her legs were long and well-shaped. With confidence, she strode towards the corridor as if nothing could manage to faze her. Simply intriguing how this woman could embody authority just with her strong presence and demeanour.

Unable to avert my gaze, I took a bite of the peach and swallowed. The nurse didn't shoot anyone a single glance but walked to the other end of the canteen, focused. Why was this woman I hadn't even properly talked to yet so fascinating?

"Hello, hello. I see you're an observer", a man's voice near me brought me back to reality. I quickly turned around and looked at the patient with surprise, blushing as I felt caught. Oh god how embarrassing...

"I...um...excuse me?", I stuttered and observed him sit down opposite me. His lips formed into a sly smile as he eyed me with his hazel eyes and put a hand on the table.  It was marked by red bruises, his fingernails were short. When I looked him in the eyes I realized it was the man who'd warned me about the pills on my first day here.

"Don't worry - observing is a common thing for me to do as well. I assume you didn't take the blue pill?", the middle-aged man continued, maintaining his smile.

"Why would you assume that?"

"Just look at the man and the woman over there", he pointed behind me so I slowly followed his gaze, secretly scanning the place for Nurse Ratched but she'd meanwhile already disappeared.  "Glassy eyes glued to the wall like they're zombies. Tired and listless most of the time. They take the blue pills every day. You don't look like them" I took a moment to eye these people. "My name is Aaron by the way."

I turned to face him again. "I'm Y/N. How do you know about the impact of those pills?"

"Well, I've been here for a very long time so I know pretty much about what's going on in this place and I'm glad you listened to me. They don't have any other specific impact or purpose than making you calm. You sometimes don't even realize what's going on around you. I've stopped taking them for quite a while now. Oh just imagine... An empty gaze on such a young lady's face wouldn't be a pleasant sight..."

I let my eyes dart around the room again. "Are they part of every patient's medication?"

The man folded his arms, leaned back, and shook his head in amusement. "People who won't stay here for long don't receive blue pills. The nurses say only certain diseases require those but I strongly believe they simply don't exactly know how to deal with people like us. They just want us to stay calm and avoid making any trouble. That's all"

My body tensed and my hand clung firmer around the peach as I thought about his words. Just the imagiation that my stay at the hospital could turn permanent made my blood run cold. "So...why did you warn me?"

The patient shrugged. "I believe you're too young to be here. People come and go but I have to stay with these tired and drained individuals. So maybe I would just like to enjoy a new company instead of talking to a wall all the time" An embarrassed smile formed on my lips at the awkward conversation so I took another bite of my peach as I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't sure what to think of this man... My gaze fell to the corridor where Nurse Ratched had disappeared earlier but to my surprise I spotted her again there, opening a door. Aaron followed my gaze. „Ah...Our dear Miss Ratched...This woman is a walking paradox"

My head snapped towards the man. "How do you mean that?"

His brown eyes scanned me, his creepy smile still on his face but this time curiosity overwhelmed me so I zoned his odd nature for a moment out. "Mildred Ratched is the nurse I know least about here..."

Mildred. What a beautiful name...

As the patient leaned closer towards me he looked around as if he feared someone could listen. "...but what I know is that some juicy secrets might be lurking behind her facade"

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