𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐲 [Ratched X Reader]

10 | Melting ice

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I whimpered in pain as Nurse Ratched helped me lie down on the bed in my room. She carefully guided my head to the soft pillow, her glistening brown eyes never leaving me. I felt exhausted and dizzy after the cruel treatment in the bathroom, my body was still shaking, my skin was red and started to burn at the sudden contact with the mattress.

Trying to keep my eyes open I did my best to steady my breathing, staring at the white ceiling above me. Tears filled my eyes as I realised the pain that spread through my entire body wouldn't abate. Stiff and still I laid on the bed, avoiding any movement that caused me pain and prayed that the burning would finally go away.

"Shhh", I perceived Nurse Ratched's soothing voice as she sat down on the mattress and started to gently caress my cheek with her slim fingers. My skin began to prickle at the touch but it was a pleasant feeling under the jolts of fire running through my body. For a moment I forgot about the burning pain as I only concentrated on her fingers brushing my skin. Her movements were so gentle, her fingers so soft on my cheek. "It's alright. It's over" Her sad brown eyes were glistening, mirroring her worry as she eyed me.

"It's burning", I whispered strained and tilted my head slightly to look at her with a pleading gaze, hoping that she would somehow help me make it go away but the Nurse just gave me a sad smile, nodding. Something about her seemed different. Something in her beautiful brown eyes had changed - Her sadness and worry seemed genuine.

"I know", she whispered back and motioned her face closer to me and that was when I could see the tears glistening in her eyes. "I need you to be strong now, can you do that?" When I felt her warm hand on top of mine I glanced at our hands, my heart fluttering. For a moment I was frozen, my gaze resting on our hands, I could feel the warmth of her hand radiating on my cool one.

"I....don't know...", I then breathed faintly, my heavy eyes wandering to her porcelain face again and as my gaze caught her red lips I gulped and quickly averted my gaze in shame. With dismay I realised this horrendous therapy hadn't worked - I still felt like a nervous wrack in Ratched's presence, there was still something inside me - a longing - that craved her love despite everything she'd done. I didn't understand these feelings. I also didn't understand why her attitude towards me had changed from the very moment she'd stepped into the bathroom. Why did she suddenly show care instead of hate although she knew I was a witness of her act in Dr. Hanover's office back then?

I'd always longed to feel her, to be able to touch her but right now I was just confused about this sudden soft side of hers so I withdrew my hand, which visibly puzzled the nurse but she didn't address it. Instead she placed her hands on her lap, apparently lost in thoughts, and bit her lip, facing a spot in the distance.

"Think of something that makes you happy. Think of...your family"

Family. That word cut deep like a knife. "My father is dead and I'm dead to my mother. She never wants to see me again. I just have my brother. He's the only one who doesn't judge me for who I am", I mumbled monotonous, still avoiding her gaze but deep inside I knew how vulnerably talking about it made me. Another question of Nurse Ratched about my family and I would probably burst out in tears. Be strong at least for once, Y/N...

A moment of silence passed until she looked down at her hands on her lap and whispered with a raspy voice: "I know how you feel. My brother is the only family I have as well" Astonished I lifted my gaze again and eyed her compassionately before I bit my lip and stared at the ceiling. Why had she told me about this? Why had she made herself vulnerable in front of me? The nurse cleared her throat, attempting to keep her composure and quickly changed the subject. "Nurse Bucket told me you have to repeat this treatment in two days."

"In two d-days?", I repeated anxiously and tensed.

"But I promise that won't happen. No one will ever have to undergo this treatment again"

Thousand questions popped into my mind as our gazes locked. Unsure, I just gave her a little smile and mumbled a faint "Thank you. Why are you doing this for me?" I also wanted to ask why she was suddenly nice to me, I wanted to know so many things but at the same time tried to avoid being too hasty.

Nurse Ratched eyed me for a moment in silence before she lowered her eyes and returned the little smile, of course ignoring my question. "Try to get some rest now. You'll feel better afterwards" She then attempted to stand up but I was quick to grab her hand making her glance down at me in surprise.

"Miss Ratched?", I swallowed before I dared to look her in the eyes again. "Can I ask you something else?" She seemed a bit hesitant but eventually took a seat again and slowly nodded. "I would just like to understand one thing...Can you tell me why you did what you did to the patient back then in Dr. Hanover's office?"

Ratched stiffened, her mouth closed and her gaze fell to the floor. For a moment nothing happened and I feared she would show me her cold and bitter side again but instead she just abruptly stood up and turned her back to me, which was also no good sign. My heart sank.

"It's okay. You don't need to answer", I mumbled but couldn't hide my disappointment.

Ratched sighed before she walked to the door and reached for the handle but then suddenly changed her mind and paused. Before she spoke she seemed to contemplate very intently. "I did it for my brother"

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