The Drunk List [Gratsu]

twenty

The thing about me when I write stories is when I start them, I only have a few ideas, and I get the sense that it'll be a lot shorter than I'd like. This is what I'm feeling right now for Igniting Natsu, but I felt it with The Drunk List as well. But nope, here I am, chapter 20, about 5 chapters behind what should be happening in the story, wondering if I'll be able to wrap up everything. (My goal is twenty-five chapters and an epilogue but I may go over that.)

The inspiration I found for Natsu's tattoo is on the side/top, by the way.

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Natsu's POV

Seeing Gray so sad like that struck me in some way.

The way crystalline tears overflowed his eyes and how broken his voice sounded, it was just some sort of eye-opener. It just hit me like a ton of bricks.

I guess I always believed my problems didn't compare to others, that my problems were actually important and life-destructing. I worried over my physical appearance while people like Gray were suffering with family death. I couldn't even fathom that, the only family member that died in my family was my grandfather, but I was three and didn't understand what was going on. This was Gray's sister, whom he grew up with and made so many memories with.

I looked down at my stomach. Maybe I should stop worrying about my own trivial problems and focus on the more important things.

I felt the sudden urge to pour out every emotion I was feeling, as we sat here in the student parking lot of the high school, in the silence. Before I knew it, word vomit was tumbling past my lips, and there was nothing my brain could do to shut it off. "Gray?" I breathed his name, echoing across my ears and when he raised his head, I began to shake. "Can I tell you something? I mean, while we're admitting deep stuff," I said lightly, trying to be humorous, although I felt anything but.

"Sure," He answered quietly, nodding once. He paused to let me speak, and I stared at my stomach, my covered hipbone tattoo, unable to peel my eyes away. I stayed quiet for a moment, bracing myself to speak the words that had been digging under my skin and terrorizing my mind and body for over a year. I guess I was silent for too long, because he called out to me. "Natsu?"

His voice sounded so far away, like I was submerged in a pool of water. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't breathe and I felt so, so cold. Every bone inside of me ached as I tried to pull myself out of the pool, but there was nothing to grab on to. No hope.

"I relapsed in my bulimia yesterday."

Gray made a lewd, cracking sound from the back of his throat. "Oh my God. We were at the event all day yesterday... when-?" He sounded so frightened, so apologetic. I wondered why, it's not like it was his fault. He gasped, coming to a realization. "When you went for that walk?"

My mind finally broke down, right when I didn't want it to. Thanks for always being there, brain. I could only manage a laconic nod. Gray started to hyperventilate, crying again.

"Hey, I don't want to push you, but why? You're so perfect," He blubbered emotionally. "Like, everything about you is one-hundred percent impeccable."

My ears twinged with warmth. "I do it because I eat so much junk food, all day, every day. It's an addiction, it tastes so good, and I can't help myself. Then afterwards, just like after a drug high, I feel disgusting and hitting a major low point, and I have to get it out of me. I have to. Because if I don't, I'll get fatter and flabbier and I can't have that," I blabbed, feeling distraught, but at the same time, slightly relieved that I was able to tell someone else about this besides Sting.

Every negative emotion in the universe was swirled into Gray's expression. He looked absolutely crestfallen. "How did I not notice this? I mean, I gradually grew more worried yesterday, but I didn't expect... this."