Light Beam

Chapter 29: Hot Chocolate, Coffee and Onion Rings

The longer Maze didn't wake up, the more I felt Elliot slip away. I couldn't do anything to pull him back, he refused to let me. And I didn't want to pull too hard. What the fuck could I possibly say to make it better? Maybe if I hadn't gone batshit on him he wouldn't mind coming back home at least for a night.

On the bright side, Fel was back.

We still weren't fully on talking terms about what happened but she was there. And that was good enough. She'd see me staring at a wall for too long and get me something to eat or if she saw me crying alone she'd come over and rub my shoulder.

She was still working towards a degree and she had a job so she was around in shifts while Luke took over when she wasn't around.

It wasn't quite as comforting when Luke tried to be there.

With Fel, I knew she'd never really leave. She'd get mad at me and we'd fight and sometimes she'll go away for some time but Fel would always come back. She had to come back.

With Luke I was always afraid he wouldn't be there when I woke up the next morning. The sinking feeling never really stopped because Luke didn't leave. But he could. I'd always know he could leave. He should have left.

"Are you still awake?" Fel walked into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

"Couldn't sleep," I said.

"Len, he's going to be okay." I didn't know if she meant Maze or Dark, but it didn't matter.

"Why are you awake?" I asked in return.

"I heard you opening and closing cabinets." She looked away.

"I'm fine."

"Uh huh."

"Fel?" I whispered and looked at her.

"Yeah, Lenny?"

"You'll always come back, right?" I had to ask. Even it was a rhetorical question.

"Come back?" She stepped away a little.

"Every time you leave? You will come back, won't you?"

For a long time she didn't say anything. Her eyes found mine and still looking at me she murmured a soft, "Yeah?"

I shrugged, shrugging off the heaviness. We slipped into a silence. It wasn't comfortable or uncomfortable. It just was. It just existed.

"Len... why'd you drop out of college?" She asked, after making us both some hot chocolate.

"Didn't see the point of it." I hadn't told her about my parents threatening me and Luke. She'd already made it pretty clear that she'd be on their side if things went badly. She wouldn't believe me if I told her my father basically said he'd kill me if he had to. And I didn't want to lose her. I'd just got her back and I don't know what I'd do if she decided she hated me again.

"You were doing well--"

"Sociology wasn't going to get me anywhere." I shrugged again, "besides, you don't have the family legacy to carry around." Fel knew it didn't come from a place of malice. It was just how I talked about our parents.

"You have better shoulders anyway." She chuckled.

"Yours look better."

"Fuck yeah, they weren't made for responsibility." She giggled.

"You're the one making me hot chocolate in the middle of the night."

"Exactly. Anyone with an understanding of responsibility would probably give you water and tell you to fuck off to sleep." The way she spoke reminded me of her almost boyfriend of two months ago.