Book of Lemons

Love is a cruel mistress

I kissed my lover goodbye and headed off to work with a smile on my face. Dabi and I weren't actually dating we were basically just friends with benefits which is hard for me cause no matter what I couldn't get him out of my mind. I had feelings for him and they where strong ones. I couldn't help but love the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel when I would see him or talk to him over the phone, I couldn't help but... love him. I sighed as I stepped into the cafe and started on another long day of dealing with humans. 

~Time skip~

"Ugh" I groaned as I finished locking up for the night. Dabi had been teasing me over text the whole day and kept me distracted. My mind was clouded with thoughts of him as it always was but these were special unholy thoughts. I started my walk towards his apartment wanting to get revenge on him for all the dam teasing. After a 15 minute walk I arrived at his place and unlocked the door, he had given me his spare key so that I could come over whenever I wanted to. My heart was racing and my cheeks where red I knew what I wanted to do but now my thoughts were betraying me as I recalled his dominating aura that he gives off whenever I try to punish him. As I got to his door I felt my blood froze. My hand shot up just in time to stop a scream of agony, the tears, on the other hand, I couldn't stop from flowing. I felt my heart shatter as I pressed my forehead against the door. Each moan sent a stabbing pain through my heart, my hand went up and clutched my shirt. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I had never caught him with another before but I knew he was always talking to others. I mustered the strength to move away from the door and run out slamming his door shut behind me as I ran out into the night. I don't remember for how long or how far I had run but what I do remember were the tears that fogged up my vision as I ran and when I tripped and fell down the side of a small him. I laid on the ground in a ball as the tears from my eyes trickled down my face feeling like ice. I didn't understand why I was crying or why I cared so much... cause I had always known. Whenever he wanted me he would start talking to me sweetly and make me feel like I could do anything. Slowly but surely our conversations would go from sweet and cuddly to sinful and hot, and then... after he would get what he wanted from me... the conversation would stop. As much as I tried to keep them going... they wouldn't... It hurt... I love him but he doesn't feel the same way. I wonder if he gets a sick satisfaction from playing me like this. I wonder if he enjoys bringing me out of the darkness and making me feel like I'm wanted for once... only to plunge me back into despair. I started laughing like a mad man while struggling to sit up. He does this to me every time what do I expect from him? Why can't I get you out of my head? Why can't I stop myself from wanting to go back to you? I know your bad fro me... So why... why can't I just tell him no. Why do I go back to him? I sighed and flopped back down onto the ground and looked up to the stary night. I covered my eyes with my arm and smiled. He'll keep doing this to me and honestly, I'll allow him to because I don't know what hurts worse trying to keep away from the person who has my heart or continuing to be used as an everyday object. I'm pathetic, I thought he'll continue to hurt me this way. I have to like it right I mean I keep running straight back to him the second he calls. "Love is a cruel and unforgiving mistress..." A single tear fell from my dull (e/y) eyes.