Not quite suicidal

Short chapter but ayeeeee

Sky's pov:

After bringing Toby up to his room I went into my room. I looked up at the ceiling. I looked at my dresser. Were I had a box full of blades.

I kept thinking about all the reasons why I should cut...especially right now.

-Rubens turning into a dick by the second

-my parents are in fucking jail (good)

Worst if all:

-Johnathan is in the fucking hospital because of me

That's what threw me over the edge. The guy who I need to fucking talk everyday, is unconscious.

I ran to the drawer and opened my box. There could be 15 blades in there, I dunno.

I grabbed my blade slowly and walked to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked down at the blade than back up

"...I deserve this" I looked down at my wrist and slowly cut. It was my other arm since the other was already cut up.

When I finished the sink was bloody. The blade was bloody. My ARM was bloody. All  I could see was blood.

I quickly grabbed a towel and started cleaning up all the blood. Toby always came into my room in the morning to use it. If he saw the blood he would've flipped and thought I killed someone.

When I finished cleaning it up it was as if it never happened. I smiled and looked for sweaters. I wore a grey one. Its so fucking comfortable and it covers up my wrist. Both my wrist.

I went to sleep about ten minutes later. I thought about everything in my dreams. But it was wierd...I had a dream about Johnathan. Not a friend dream. A couple dream.

Dream:

"I lav youuuuu" Johnathan said. He was looking down at me while we laid in the couch

"Haha I lav you toooooo"

He leaned in for a kiss and so did I

When we kissed something changed in me. Like...I forgot about everything. It felt like of it was just me and him in a galaxy of some sort.

It was perfect.

When we both pulled back and smiled at each other.

"So..."

"So..."

"Why do you love me?" He asked

"Just one?"

"Yes haha"

"Well Mr.Monroe...your perfect...let's just leave it at that"

"How am I perfect"

"...theres not just one reason. Its a long list. Haha. For one, your eyes....they kill. Two, your hair makes me wanna kiss you. Its hair but hey, its fucking georgous. Three, when we fall asleep orrr when we hold hands...they fit like a puzzle piece. Four, your looks are...ugh. I love you. Five, your laugh is contagious. It is adorable. It is uniqe. Six, your lips are perfect. Seven, your hands are comfortable to hold. Eight, your smirk drives me insane. Nine, your humor is...just honestly adorably horrible. And ten, your wierd face that I love. And eleven...you make me the happiest person in the world. Like...everytime I see you I want to scream at the top of my lungs in happiness. And Toby loves you so that's a plus"

"Haha. My turn"

"Okay?"

Instead of saying anything, he kissed me. He leaned in by putting his finger under my chin and pulling me up. When we kissed I was sitting on top of him. It felt wierd becuase his hands were on my waist as I sat on his hips.

When we pulled back he smiles up at me. I laid down next to him while looking up at him.

"You know what I want?"

"Hmm"

"...I want to grow old with you"

"Like the old couple from 'up' "

"Yeah. Except the part were you die of course"

"Uh-huh. Haha. I would love that."

"You want to?"

"Sure. Seems like a good plan"

We laughed and shook hands.

"Deal?"

"Deal"

Than I woke up. When I woke up I...I was dissapointed. I dont know why but...I felt like...as if ruben wasn't the best thing for me. That....

Johnathan ...is the best thing for me.

But I still like ruben...alot actually. See this is the kind of things I need to talk to johnathan about. Like hazel said when gus died in the fault in our stars:

'The only person I want to talk about agustus waters death, is agustus waters'

Same for me. But the only person I want to talk about johnathan monroe being in a coma, is johnathan monroe.

I needed to talk to him. I needed to. Its like when someones on drugs. They only need a little than they get hooked. I only talked to johnathan for a little and now I need more. I need to talk to him or I'm gonna go insane...

Johnathan's pov:

Ever since this whole coma thing happened it's given me time to think. When your in a coma, you can actually hear the people who are talking to you. Like when sky said all these wonderful thimgs about ruben I got jealous. But I couldn't move.

Than when she left, I was sad because even though she was talking about ruben ruben ruben, it was still nice to hear her voice. It was still great to have her company. I could listem to her go on and on about ruben, if she would just be here.

When your in a coma it's like you live in a white box. Like a house but not a house. But its not a box...it's your mind. Your basically inside your brain, deep into your thoughts. You can't escapr them. You can try to run , and i've tried, but when you run there's no road. Its just a blank white room.

There's only a white bed and a brown wooden chair in the middle of the room. The most fun thing you can do is walk around till you wake up. And im worried that i'll never wake up. Im worries that there gonna ask for someone who cares about me if they can turn off the life support, but the thing is...

No one would care...