blush [ moonbae ]

nine

Kevin sat on the hard wood floor of his darkened bedroom, the only sound present being the distant hooting of owls outside.

It may have seemed rather dramatic, to sit against his wall at near midnight, just accompanied by his thoughts. His phone sat on the floor next to him, turned off and silent.

He glanced over at his window. Should he sneak out again? But... to do what?

He found himself subconsciously playing with the necklace that rested on his chest, turning it over and over in his fingers.
It really was quite pretty, despite not being something he would usually buy.

He kinda sorta really wished a certain someone else was there to help with his boredom.

He smiled to himself at the thought of Jacob Bae being here. Kevin could show him all of his posters, and plushies, and whatever else he had in his room that was interesting.

Kevin almost picked up his phone, but stopped himself. It was midnight; how creepy would it be to start blowing up Jacob's phone asking him to come over?

He huffed to himself, bringing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. Maybe Eric was free? Sure, he'd been kinda weird around the boy recently, but at least it was something.

No, no, it couldn't be him. If Jacob found out about it, he didn't want things to get awkward between them...

Kevin paused for a second, frowning at himself. How come it seemed like all of his damn decisions centered around Jacob Bae?

Now that he thought about it, the boy was all he had really cared about for the past few days. What the hell was this? What in god's name was going on with him?

Kevin grabbed his phone, switching it on and quickly making his way towards the photo gallery. He tapped on the photo he'd screenshotted of a certain boy.

He instantly felt nervous, looking at the picture of Jacob.

"Fuck," Kevin swore quietly to himself, shutting off his phone. Why was he unable to keep his composure around the other? Hell, even just thinking about him...

The warm memory of him leaning against the other flooded his brain, Jacob playing gently with his hair as he rested his cheek against the top of Kevin's head.

He actually wanted to scream. There was no way he should be thinking these things about a boy. This kind of obsession was usually reserved for the nice girls he'd had crushes on in school.

Maybe he was just touch starved...? God, as stupid as that sounded, it was the only reasonable explanation.

He simply had to find a way to test it out. He would cuddle with someone, feel good afterwards, and come to the obvious conclusion that he simply had needed affection. Right?

Kevin stood up, brushing off the back of his pants. He wandered over to his bathroom, switching on the lights.

As if on autopilot, he grabbed his eyeliner pen. He needed a distraction to focus on, and this seemed to be fit for the job.

He stared at himself in the mirror. Three dots on each eyelid, followed by a stroke of the pen.

It took a minute or two, but he did it. It was a huge improvement from last time's attempts, but... something was missing.
Namely the feeling of Jacob's hand holding the side of his face as he carefully drew the lines.

That was it— Kevin was going to bed. He didn't want to be haunted by this anymore.

Kevin was straight, and just having a bit of a weird time right now.
He repeatedly reminded himself of this as he crawled onto his mattress, curling up on top of the blankets and pillows.

So why did it feel like he was lying to himself?