All Is Not Lost

Chapter 14

Cover

Tatlong beses namin ginawa iyon. Tatlong beses na sa loob ko siya natapos. Madilim na nang magising ako at isang galaw pa lang ng kamay ko ay ramdam ko na ang pagod ng buong katawan.

Akala ko ako lang ang napagod sa ginawa namin dahil nang tumigil kami ay may lakas pa si Santi na suotan ako ng t-shirt niya. But when I saw him sleeping soundly beside me, I realized that we are both tired.

Nakapulupot ang kamay niya sa akin at nakapatong naman ang isang hita ko sa kaniya. My stomach made a sound and I suddenly remember that I haven't eat lunch.

Ngumiti ako nang mapagmasdan si Santi na natutulog. I traced his nose line with my fingers and it automatically went to his eyelashes as well.

His lips formed a smirk. Humalakhak ako at kaagad lumayo dahil gising na siya. Hinuli niya ang baywang ko at hinila palapit. He laughed and sighed on my shoulder later on.

"Aren't you tired?" he asked in a lowly voice and planted a kiss on my shoulder.

"A bit."

Hindi siya umimik kaya humarap ako sa kaniya. He smiled at me but I know he's worried about something.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Umiling siya at ngumiti. "I'm thinking... we should stop making out when we're stressed."

He has a point. 

We're both mentally unstable and we shouldn't engage in this kind of activity. Ako... ako lang naman ang laging nagpapasimuno ng ganito. 

"Okay," I agreed.

"If we need to de-stress, we can professionally seek help as I did. Because... when I saved you from yourself before, I did not actually help you." He pressed his lips together and held my hand to fiddle with it. "Even now, I'm just making you dependent on me. If you seek help, perhaps it'll be better permanently and without depending on anyone."

Tumango ako at sumang-ayon sa kaniya habang naluluha nang kaunti dahil alam kong tama siya. 

Ngumiti siya sa akin at hinila ulit ako para mayakap. We stayed like that for about an hour before he made me wear his clothes while he re-heat the food.

Paglabas ko ng banyo ay nakabihis na rin siya. Good thing he has clothes here. Kung wala ay paniguradong aligaga ako sa pag-iisip tungkol sa isusuot kong top.

"Do you want kids?" he asked me out of the blue while we were eating.

"Yeah. But... not when I'm depressed." I laughed. "Apektado ang mga anak kapag unstable ang magulang."

Tumango siya bilang pagsang-ayon sa akin at sinalinan ako ng gatas.

"You?" I asked him back.

"Depends on you. Takot ako." Dinaan niya sa tawa ang huling sinabi.

"Takot sa?"

"Baka hindi ako maging mabuting ama. Baka hindi ko sila mapalaki nang ayos. Gano'n..." Inabot niya ang kamay kong nasa lamesa at doon ipinako ang mga mata. "pero kung kasama kita, alam kong makakaya ko."

"Well, worry not. Hindi naman kita iiwan kapag nagkaanak tayo." I squeezed his hand and gave him a reassuring smile.

"How many kids?" I asked after a while. Tapos na kaming kumain at nagliligpit na lang.

"Depends on you--three... I guess?" Natawa siya pagkasagot. Tinitigan ko kasi siya nang masama dahil siya naman ang tinatanong ko pero idinedepende sa akin ang sagot. Paano naman akong dumedepende rin sa sagot niya? "I'm not sure. Maselan daw magbuntis, 'di ba? Ayaw ko naman na mahirapan ka nang sobra kaya kahit isa lang okay na."