All Is Not Lost

Chapter 2

Death

Death.

I never feared death in my entire life.

I always thought it was something I shouldn't be afraid of.

It's like the end of the line. The end of my line.

Why should I be afraid of it?

Huminga ako nang malalim bago lumabas ng silid. I greeted the helpers who are cleaning the hallway of our house before going downstairs.

Nang mamataan ko pa lang sina daddy sa may hapag, umusbong na agad ang takot sa dibdib ko kahit kakain lang naman kami ng normal na agahan.

"Good morning, mommy! Good morning, daddy!" bati ko at hinila na ang upuan sa tabi ni mommy.

"Drop the act and don't sit," pagpigil ni daddy bago pa makalapat ang katawan ko sa upuan.

Natigilan ako at bahagyang nagtaka. Lumunok ako at pinanatiling nakataas ang mukha kahit ang mga kasambahay namin ay mga nagsiiwas na ng tingin.

"...Bakit po?"

Daddy harshly dropped his iPad on the table and removed his eyeglasses before looking at me. "You are seriously asking me that?! After you failed two goddamn subjects this sem?!"

"'Dy, I didn't fail! I did good in my exams and I passed my activities on time! Wala po akong kulang, sadya lang pong mababa sila magb-"

"Shut up! I don't want to listen to your excuses! First year ka pa lang, Kallista! Umayos ka naman sa school! Nakakahiya ka! You are ruining my name!" He stood up and pointed my face.

"Novellio, calm down." Tumayo rin si mommy at inalalayan na si daddy, masama ang tingin sa akin nang saglit ko siyang masulyapan.

"Angelli, do you know what my friends said? Nakikita raw ng mga anak nila itong si Kallista na parang tangang nagmumukmok sa gilid-gilid ng schools! They are asking me if I'm treating this fucking kid well!"

"Novellio...your heart..." pag-saway ni mommy. "I'll confiscate her skateboards, okay?"

"She dresses up like a boy! Why do you always dress up like that? Mukha kang pipitsugin!" He looked at my body with disgust. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinila ang buhok ko para mapalapit ako lalo. "Look at that ugly cheap accessories!" Marahas niyang hinila ang mga kwintas ko paalis sa aking dibdib.

"Kaya ayaw kitang papasukin sa university na 'yun e! We should have followed my plan to enroll you in a public university outside the city! Fuck you! Fuck this!" Napahampas ako sa malapad naming lamesa nang sampalin niya ako. It was so hard, I felt numb. 

I couldn't move. My vision became blurry for a split second and I felt like the universe betrayed me once again. Humawak ako sa isang upuan bilang suporta at hinawi ang buhok kong kumalat na sa aking mukha.

"Get her cards, Angelli! Tell the maids not to feed her, do not drop her at school anymore, and confiscate every fucking thing that makes her look like a weirdo! I should consider changing your last name to something cheap instead of mine!" aniya at hinampas pa ulit ako sa ulo bago pumunta na sa kaniyang office.

Mom grabbed my bag that fell on the ground and confiscated my cards. Kumuha siya ng isang plato na may lamang pagkain para kay daddy at tumigil lang sa harap ko saglit bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. "You should change yourself, Annistin. Huwag mo namang ipahiya masyado ang pamilyang ito. Always remember your brother's reputation!"

Napapikit ako nang mariin nang sumagi sa isip ko si Kuya. I inhaled a deep breath and fixed my hair to pull myself together.

Pinulot ko ang iPad ni daddy at nakitang ang tinitingnan niya pala kanina ay grades ko. He's that dissapointed that he hit me again, huh?