All Is Not Lost

Chapter 5

Punishment

Niyaya akong uminom ng tsaa ni Ate Rex habang naliligo si Santi. Mas pinili ko ngang gawin iyon kaysa mag-ayos ng gamit para iyon ang pagkakaabalahan ko mamaya kung sakaling hindi agad ako makakatulog.

If I'll be honest, I'm scared of what I'm doing. Maya't maya ko tinitingnan ang cellphone ko para makita kung hinahanap na ba ako sa bahay at galit na sina Daddy.

I sighed out of relief and put my phone down when I didn't see any alarming messages. Bumaling ako kay Ate Rex na ngayon ay sinasala na ang tsaa namin. Mano-mano niyang ginagawa iyong tsaa bago pa niya nilagay sa mga tasa namin.

"Thank you for being Santi's friend. Alam mo, first time niyang magpakilala at mag-uwi ng kaibigan. He used to prefer being alone. "

Sumimsim ako sa tsaa na ibinigay niya at napaisip tungkol kay Santi. "Hmm, mabait naman po siya," sabi ko, naaalala ang ilang beses na pagtulong sa akin ng kapatid niya "He's just awfully quiet to other people and he looks serious."

Humalakhak si Ate Rex at tumango sa sinabi ko. "You're right. Kaya I'm really happy for his improvement."

Tumango ulit siya sa akin at bumaling na sa harap namin. Malamig na ang hangin dito sa may veranda nila. Tanaw rito ang bakanteng lupa na nagdudugtong sa bakuran nila. May mumunti roong mga puno at may mga bushes. Kung tatayo kami at hihilig sa railings, doon pa lang namin matatanaw ang bakuran nila na nasa baba.

Their house is so calm but I can't feel the loneliness.

Iba itong klase ng katahimikan. Sigurado akong hindi ito gaya ng katahimikan sa bahay namin na dala ng takot at pangamba. Iyong sa kanila, katahimikan na hindi ko madama sa amin. The quietness that soothes your nerves and hushes your heart.

I wish I can live with my brother as well. Iyong kahit kaming dalawa lang, pero payapa. Puwede kaming kumilos nang walang pag-iingat sa sariling tahanan.

We thought about that already.

Kuya Kinniel and I ran away from our home when we were kids. I was eight and he was thirteen. Napagalitan ako noong umaga ng araw na iyon dahil hindi ko naisama sa aking assignment ang pangalan ng namayapa naming kapatid. Kuya's twin sister, Ate Kinnear.

Kuya Kinniel and Ate Kinnear were four years old when they got into an accident. Car accident. Sila nina Mommy. Kuya was in a coma for a week while Ate didn't make it. A year after that, Mom gave birth to me.

It wasn't great.

Especially, when you grew up knowing that there was another child that was greater than you. Another child that they prefer than you. We were normal at first, but eventually, Dad changed.

Sabi nina Kuya, Daddy was so happy when I came. I was their hope during that time. I changed everything like I was their light.

Or did I dim it more?

Kapag may mga events sa bahay o may mga salu-salo kaming pinupuntahan, laging sinasabi ng mga tao na paano kaya kung nabuhay si Ate Kinnear, magkakaroon pa raw kaya ng Kallista? That's the most common but there are a lot more comments about my existence.

"Naku, parang hindi niya nakuha ang ilong mo, Angelli! I bet she'll look as pretty as Kinnear if she got your nose!"

"Kinnear would have been so beautiful if she made it through. Matalino rin ang batang iyon, 'di ba? I remember how she would ask me about the books she read every time I visit. She was only four, oh God!"

"Kung nabuhay si Kinnear, hindi na kayo mag-aanak pa ulit ano? You always mention that the twins are enough."

Mommy never feels uncomfortable about the comments because those are praises to her great daughter. "Uh yes. Kallista is not part of our plan, but oh well, she came as a surprise to all of us."