All Is Not Lost

Chapter 13

Hello! Sorry for the consecutively mature scenes. I try not to write mature scenes but we need those to complete the story and the plot.

Reader discretion is advised. You can freely skip the mature scenes if you feel uncomfortable.

Thank you for understanding.

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Occupy

"May picture po ba kami ni Daddy noong baby pa ako? Or any picture of us together?" tanong ko kay Mommy at sumunod sa kaniya sa kabilang aisle ng store.

We're at the mall today because she said she needs my company. I have nothing to do today and aside from that, last week ko pa siya kinukulit tungkol sa activity namin sa school for Fathers' Day.

"I'm not sure. Magtitingin ako mamaya sa bahay. Why do you need them anyway? Oh! I like this one. Miss!" Nawala rin kaagad sa akin ang atensyon niya nang may makitang magandang dress. I sighed and followed her to carry the additional paper bag.

Hindi na kami nagka-picture ni Daddy simula noong naging malamig na ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. So... I'm kinda hoping that we have a picture together when I was younger, when we were still close to each other.

"Are we going to the spa after this? Marami ka na pong napamili," I asked Mom again after accepting the four paper bags from the fifteenth store.

"Just another store na lang, hija," she answered without looking at me.

But we went to five or more store after her answer. Nang hindi na makaya ng mga braso at kamay ko ang mga pinamili niya, nahihiya man ay nagkumento na ako roon.

"Why can't I call Kuya Rey to carry your paper bags? It seems like you asked for my company to follow you around and carry your things for you..."

Lumingon sa akin si Mommy at tiningnan ang mga hawak ko. "Why would I even ask for you if you're not going to help me?"

"You said on our way here that we'll bond today. Go to the spa and etcetera. I won't even ask if you didn't make me hope for that."

Humalukipkip siya sa akin. "I did say that pero nagbago na ang isip ko."

She went inside a restaurant and I followed her like usual. Nang malingunan nga lang niya na nakasunod pa rin ako, tumaas na ang kilay niya.

"What are you doing here?" mariin niyang tanong. "Go to Rey! 'Di ba I told you na I changed my mind?"

Nakagat ko ang labi ko. "I thought we were going to eat lunch since it's past twelve."

"I'm going to eat with my amigas. Here's some money." Dumukot siya ng pera sa bag niya at iniabot sa akin. "Go to Rey and ask him to buy food. God! You really think na isasama kita sa lunch namin looking like that? God, Annistin!" Tumalikod na siya sa akin at mabait na kinausap ang guard ng restaurant na iyon para maigiya na ako kaagad palabas.

I couldn't register what happened and just stood there for a while,

My face heated when the security guard guided me to the entrance. May ilang paper bag pa na nahulog dahil sa dami kong dala. I looked at Mommy once more before get going.

Nakarating naman ako nang ayos sa sasakyan namin kahit wala sa sarili. I gave Kuya Rey the money and let him buy whatever he wants with it.

Masama na ang timpla ko kaya tahimik lang ako sa byahe. My chest hurts and I feel like I need to do something to let myself feel okay. Pumikit ako at hinintay na lang makarating sa bahay. I was thinking of breaking some plates or writing my thoughts. Anything. Anything to cope. Just not self-harm.