delicate | ethma

20

Ethan

The truth is seeing Emma fall in love with Daniel was a whole different story than when she was with Brooks.

I kind of instantly knew they were a great couple as soon as Emma introduced him to me.

Of course it hurt to see her with someone else when I thought we were going to be together eventually.

But if it couldn't be me, Daniel was exactly the kind of person that I knew would be perfect for Emma.

This was the happiest I had ever seen Emma before, and even with the feelings I had, I felt at peace knowing she was with a really good guy.

Daniel and I actually became good friends. Unlike Brooks, he actually respected that Emma and I have been best friends for a long time, and he wasn't the type to get jealous at all.

In fact, him and I hung out a couple of times, and I actually had a good time. If Emma's gonna be with someone else, at least it was nice to know that it was someone I could actually stand to be around.

I put a lot of time into writing more music. A lot. Even if they weren't songs I'd ever release. It was a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings.

I was happy for Emma. I really was. And I'm not just saying that this time.

But I still couldn't help but wonder what it would've been like if it would've been us.

I always caught myself wondering what she was thinking about when she wasn't paying attention. Maybe she wasn't thinking about anything, or maybe she was thinking about Daniel.

Still I hoped that once in a while she thought of me.

I still helped Emma with her photography projects once in a while, and we always had fun putting together vision boards for her clients.

I honestly didn't mind having to hang out with the two of them. They were honestly a fun couple to be around.

Anybody could look at them and just see how happy they made each other. I silently wished Emma and I could've found that with each other.

Other than writing music and helping Emma with her projects, I was staying single for the time being.

I tried to go on a couple of dates, but none of them ever seemed to feel right. I couldn't ever seem to fully enjoy it. I couldn't seem to find a true interest in anybody that ran deeper than just sex.

I guess I knew that Emma would always have a piece of my heart.

The pieces that were left were too small to let me fall in love with anybody else.

Olivia actually confronted me about it. It's not like I was doing anything to cross a line, but Olivia could tell I was a little down.

"You're in love with Emma," she said to me one day.

"What?"

"You heard me. You're in love with Emma. That's why you've been keeping yourself so busy lately because you're trying to distract yourself from the fact she's with someone else."

"Olivia—"

"Am I wrong?"

I stayed silent.

"I knew it," she said. "You know, from the second you two met I thought you were perfect for her. I was rooting for you, Ethan."

"Yeah. I was too."

"Why didn't you just tell her?"

"It's complicated."

"It's still think that it's not too late for you."

"Olivia, she's happy. Leave it alone."

"But what about you? You're just gonna live the rest of your life knowing that you could've had her?"

"Hey, I want her to be happy. I'm happy that she's happy. I don't care if I have to be single for the rest of my life. Emma is the only person I could ever feel this way about, and I have to live with that. If she's happy I'm okay with that."

"You are the most selfless person I've ever met."

"When it comes to Emma, I'd walk the earth with no shoes if it could made her happy."

"I know you would. That's what makes you so important to her life," Olivia said. "Ethan, don't worry. We'll find you a nice girl."

"No need for that, Liv. I'm okay with just me."

"You really are that in love with her, aren't you?"

"I'm afraid the answer to that will never be no."

Olivia gave me a sad smile, but she didn't say anything. That was the end of that conversation, and neither of us talked about it again for a very long time.

I told myself I was happy for Emma. I was happy for her.

Olivia was right about me staying busy to distract myself from Emma falling in love with someone else.

I wrote more music in a few months than I had in a couple of years. I renovated the band's studio.

I started looking to buy a house.

I spent more time hanging out with my family than usual, and I was simply living life the only way I survive it without Emma being mine.

Crawling into an empty bed every night, taking extra long and hot showers, and simply being on my own at the end of the day.

Emma's happy. That's all I need to be okay, even if she's not with me. I've accepted the fact that if I can't be with her, there's not anyone else I could see myself falling in love with. That's why I'm staying single.

If it can't be me, all I could ever hope for is that he'll always take care of her, and do everything he can to make sure she's happy.

It's like I can't even be upset that she's with Daniel because he's such a nice person, and he's so good to her.

Maybe someday I will find someone, or maybe I won't. Falling in love isn't exactly a choice. It just happens whether you like it or not.

I fell in love with Emma almost as soon as I met her, but now I needed to let that go.