when porcelain shatters

Someone whos not beautiful anymore

*Inks pov*

Dream let me go again. He's been on me for days. Sometimes he let's me walk around on my own. Today seems like one of those days.
Tomorrow I get out of here. Well if everything goes into plan. I'm confident it will.
There are no errs in this plan. I just have to get out.

My feet tap delicate sounds as I travel.  The bedroom is my destination. At least that room has a lock.

I open it, planning to just lay on my plush bed. That's all I want. But of course I can't.

Blue is rummaging through my bathroom. The one connecting to both our rooms, as his room is two down from mine. Hes being loud as ever. Does he have a quiet setting?
A soft brown and creme coloured dress is laid ontop of my bed.
He was in here.

I pick up the cloth and examine it. It's a cotton spandex blend. Nice. Its smooth and a bit stretchy.  Prefect for the cold.
"why don't you put it on?"

"why dont you bite me?" I snarl, dropping it and whipping around to face him. Hes leaning on the door frame of the bathroom. Not in my room. Childish.

"why dont you settle down?" he suggested lighty.
His words and attitude seemed to have matured a bit while I was gone. Or while I was here. I'm not certain of it. But I know something happened. It was probably me leaving.
He forced himself to mature to fill Dreams role. Where Dream filled mine.
And Blue wasnt needed.
Does he know this? Is it hurting him?

I dont care.

"no. No thank you. leave me be" I toss the dress at him and drop down on my bed.
He catches it and sighs.

"I made it your favourite colour too... why dont you at least put it on? Just boxers cant be comfortable" he coaxed, sitting on my bed.
Of course he came in.

"if I do it, will you leave"

"you have my word" he nodded.

I roll my eyes and try to grab it. Blue just pulls me close and puts it over my head, pulling it down.

It fit loosely. Fine I guess

"thank you" I nod and get up, giving him a halfhearted hug and leaving.

The back is completely open along with the sleeves being completely non existent. It feels like a chore to make sure none of me is showing or the dress doesn't falls too low.

I keep walking, running my hand along the wall. I finally stop when I hit a window.
This is the first time I've seen myself since Horror put me infront of that mirror.

The porcelain is not opaque. If you look hard enough you can see under it. To my bones.
I study it for a while.
There are so many little cuts and welts underneath the mixture, engraved into my structure.

Its disgusting.
I hate it. I hate my body.

I push away from the glass and make my way down the hall. I'm now filled with... anger? or is it more sadness. I dont really care if I'm being honest. All I know is I hate it.
Dream is in the kitchen. I look at him and immediately grow jealous.
He doesnt have any scars or mistakes that make him ugly. He never had to care for any of that.
Dream has had a very easy life compared to most. He takes it for granted.

"Oh inky! dinner-"

I slam the door before he can continue.
Am I being selfish? vain?

I dont know.
I hate my body.

I'm no longer like them. I'm different. In so many bad ways.

Someone to be pitied, avoided, looked down on.

Its disgusting. 
I'm disgusting.

I make my way to my room and lock the door so they cant get in again.
I take the dress off. Its lovley but it doesnt suit me.
I need to thank Blue. He may be evil but that is alot of work.
Stop being selfish. 

I curl up in the bed, under the blankets and think. Having to occasionally swipe at tears.

I don't want to be hurt anymore.  And I dont want to be reminded on how I was hurt.

It sounds vain but I want to be beautiful again.
I feel like a wilting flower amoung blooming ones.
Like a used object, ready to be thrown away.

I understand now. The porcelain. It was to give me a clean slate.
My face scrunches up..Its not fair I have to redo myself...

But the porcelain was to remake me.
Into something delicate. 
Something that can easily be hurt, yet no one would hurt it.

Like a porcelain doll.

I keep thinking about this.

that doesnt sound too bad..