Livre: One Shots

[58] no one has to know...

Okay so my Wattpad has been acting strange and hasn't been posting when I think it has been. So sorry! I was on support chats today so, I am hoping it is all fixed! New chapter tomorrow. :) Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.

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It's almost comforting to know what she mainly feels for Karlie is lust. A relief, really. It is much easier to rationalize why she lets her stay over each time, why she tells no one she is there, why she lies to her team and her parents or whoever is asking her when she explains that Karlie will be living with her. They're normal 20 year olds living their best lives in New York City for god's sake, No one needs to know, she tells herself as she tells them lies. She knows she's a horrible person, lying to people closest to her in order to keep it quiet but people talk. If there is one thing Taylor has ever learned in her career thus far, it is that people talk. All. The. Damn. Time. Especially the people in her circle, and out of it, and the last thing she wants to do is admit that Karlie came waltzing into her life and quickly into her home and she let her in because apparently, she thinks with her crotch.

She's providing Karlie with a service. She likes to think. Once when out to dinner and Karlie mentioned the issues with her boyfriend in that department, Taylor asked probing questions as innocently as possible and that's when the idea came to here: A mere exchange of goods. She allows Karlie to stay, gives her the address to her Cornelia Street place and in turn... Karlie takes care of her needs and inadvertently, Taylor's as well.

It's all very logical and very rational. And if there's anything Taylor Swift is an expert at, it's that.

Except nothing about this is logical or rational. The sex is everything she thought it would be when she'd allowed her mind (and her fingers) to go there. It's more, actually. Karlie is unrelenting, making her come too many times to count and she'd become an expert at muffling her screams in the pillow so she wouldn't wake any security in the neighboring apartment. She surprises herself with her own appetite but then again, it's been a while for Taylor. As wary as she is, as wrong as she knows this whole thing is, there isn't enough of Karlie. Her scent. Her skin. The way she moans Taylor's name as she orgasms. The way she tastes, god, the way she tastes. The first time she buries her face in Karlie, there is no trepidation, no fear of the unknown, only desire and she isn't disappointed in the least. Every inch of Karlie is perfect (no wonder she's a model) and for the first time in her life, Taylor allows herself to indulge without guilt because it feels so damn good. That was it, that was the bottom line. It feels good.

Taylor keeps Karlie at arms length and to her utmost relief, Karlie doesn't push the issue. There is no cuddling, no languid conversations, not much talking at all, aside from general politeness. Karlie helps around the house if she ever stays the night (or rather if they end too early in the morning), she picks up after herself, fields questions from Tree if she calls professionally and efficiently. "Why on earth would anything be going on between Taylor and I?" Karlie will ask. Sometimes she will even use, "Sorry I missed your call last night, I was with Josh." Even though she's sure that Tree somehow knows she wasn't, she swears that Tree knows everything but Karlie is cordial and good natured and prays that it is throwing the publicist off for a few more days.

Despite the incredible sex (incredible wasn't quite the right word), Taylor can't let her guard down, not for a second. It is as much for her own sake as Tree's. Or her parent's. Or her team. She prepares herself for anything because in this career, she's always prepared except for this rare instance:

But it is on one ordinary evening, after they'd finished, Karlie pulls her close and kisses her without the usual ferocity. These kisses are soft and she trails them down Taylor's neck, her collarbone, her chest. They only stop when she feels Taylor hesitate.

"Baby? What is it, what's wrong?" Karlie's words are as soft as her kisses and it makes her chest heavy. This isn't supposed to be tender or soft. There are rules. There were boundaries.

"I think you'd better go back to the guest room," Taylor says in a tone that she hopes conveys a firmness but she can detect the shake in her own voice.

"Sure." Karlie sits up but she doesn't move to leave. Instead, she takes Taylor's hand, intertwines their fingers. Taylor is frozen in place. "Taylor," she husks, "Look at me. Please."

Don't do it. Don't. It's a trap and you know it. You know her. Don't you fucking dare, Taylor.

She gives in. She always gives in and so she looks at her.

Karlie's eyes are the same shade of green they were the first time they kissed. Warm, full of affection. And there is something else. Something in them that makes Taylor's breath catch for a millisecond but then speed up.

"You and I both know that this isn't just about the sex. That's never what it's been about." She inhales. "I--- I fucked up. A lot. But I think that I'm falling. I don't think I've ever really fallen for anyone before until I met you." She shakes her head. "I know there's no reason why you should believe me. And I'm not gonna give you some bullshit romantic pre-rehearsed speech . Because I'm far from what you want or what you need. I'm a mess. But I'm a fucked up mess who is falling for you, Taylor. And I don't want to hurt, ever. It's just that if we continue this, you'll get hurt and I'll be hurting." Her eyes scan Taylor's face. "Please say something."

"I honestly don't know what to say." Taylor says flatly.

"I'm just asking for a chance."

If she remains cold and impassive, Taylor tells herself, none of it will hurt. She'll be able to tell Karlie that she needs to leave, that this isn't working out. That their arrangement is over and she can end it right there.

"I'm falling for you too." Taylor softly whispers. "From the second I saw you, actually." Taylor feels the tears before she can stop them. "That doesn't mean what we do is- this whole situation is so complicated and-"

"Shhh," Karlie cups her face in her hands, sliding her thumb down across her jaw line. "We'll take all of it slow, as slow as you want. Okay?"

And when Karlie kisses her, it silences her fears and she lets her. She's tired of fighting, tired of wondering what Karlie's motives are, tired of pretending she doesn't want all of Karlie and not just a small piece.

It's what she's always wanted. And for the first time, in a long time, Taylor is telling the truth to herself and allowing for it to be lived.

Fin.

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