Clueless [h.s]

[34] Numb

don't forget to comment !

enjoy ;)

Ariana's POV.

The thing about missing Harry is that it's not some ridiculous schoolgirl fantasy; it's not some misguided, delusional emotion without any logical basis or factual standpoint. It's a deep-seated feeling rooted in the pit of your heart, a constant longing you can never quench because he is Harry.

It was like the world had us separated, our lives strongly delineated by a hypothetical parting glass. He was on the side you long to be, surrounded by people whom make him happy. And unfortunately, one of those people were no longer me. I was on the opposite side of him, calling out for his name but nothing was heard as my voice came out mute. I was left with nobody, I was left to deal with my own bloody pulp of a heart and the constant reminder that I was lonely.

The first few days of not seeing Harry were not that bad. I expected to sob for days and I expected myself to run back to him and beg him for forgiveness, but none of that happened. I continued with my life after not seeing Harry for a while, I normally ate and went to all my classes and sometimes hung out with a few of my friends. But as the days go on, and the longer I do not see him, the longer I did not have him in my life, I felt the realization of my loneliness hit me in a whiplash.

I realized that as the days went on, I no longer felt like doing anything, I no longer stayed at my friends apartments, I no longer felt the need to do anything for myself, I felt as if complete emptiness filled my wrecked heart. I felt as if my heart was full, yet so empty. I felt numb. So numb.

I felt as if my heart did not have purpose. I felt as if my heart did not belong to anyone, it meant nothing and was just another organ I simply needed to survive. Although Harry may never be with me again, I can feel him with me. I can feel him beside me, I can feel the way the warmth from the palm of his hand felt on thigh as we sat in silence, I can feel his arm lazily slung over my shoulder, I can feel the way his strong arms pulled me into a tight embraced laced with dangerous emotion. But all of these feelings were quickly faded away as I looked around, no one but myself in my car.

My heart has been ripped, torn, shredded into bits and pieces, but nothing will stop me from doing this. I take shaky breaths as I swerve onto the busy streets. My heart beat's a little too loudly as I approach closer and closer to my assigned destination. I need to do this. I need to set things straight, no matter how much it hurts, no matter what it takes, things will change tonight. Although I rather have Harry by my side, I need to set things straight.

I chew harshly on my lip as I look around the busy streets, my phone beeps as I reach my final destination. Jason's apartment. What? I pull my keys out of the ignition and stare at my reflection in the mirror one last time before pulling the car door open and sliding out. My eyes squint as I step out of the car, the sunlight hitting me and it feels as if I haven't seen sunlight in ages. The encouraging words race through my mind as I walk closer and closer to Jason's apartment.

You can do this, its for the better.

My sweaty palms wipe past the rough material of my jeans before I draw in deep breaths between my lips, slowly exhaling seconds after.

This was the day. This was the day I was going to make final amends with Jai and discuss his stupid actions on New Years and everything that is upon us. I am truly terrified, but completely prepared for what is ahead.

I suck in one last breath between my lips before raising my shaky hand to knock against the hard mahogany wooded door. My eyes flutter shut and I feel my heart sink even deeper into the pit of my chest as the image of Harry pops in my memory. The mention of his name makes my heart sink even deeper into the cave in my chest. Oh how much I miss him. I would give anything just to spend another minute with him. I don't want to speak to him, I want to embrace him and take him all in. I miss Harry.