"FUCK"

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unseen text messages  (78). Missed calls (146) 

Zach ; "I know I scared you, I know I was the difficult part of us two. I couldn't care less if I sound cheesy right now. Listen I'm in love. In love with your soul, that's more art than the chaos that my soul can darken. I tried calling you numerous times. Don't do this Ash, I don't understand...why?"

Bryana ; "Ash...regarding your release. I guess and hope that you are okay. I don't understand, I don't think I'll ever understand. Why did you choose to leave me, leave us? leave...Daniel, zach...? why? ash? I know I should respect your choice, but if you ever change your mind. And decide to tell me what the hell is going on. Just know I'll be right here. At home."

Daniel: "Don't tell me this is all for nothing, on the night you feel outnumbered, I'll be out there somewhere, you know? I was always going to be out there. I don't understand Ash. I see beauty in you, that you might not see, ...you were always so positive ash? How is it, that you decided to leave everyone that cares about you. I tried to put in to words what I feel since I saw your message, but I end up staring at my feet. Lost...and confused. Am I a coward to not chase after you? I don't want to push myself on you, if you truly don't want me too? It kills me to not do so. I wonder if you're happy now, I hope you find the road back to us. I hope you know what you mean to me. Please call back. Ash. This is...ridiculous"

Jonah: "How long have we been friends now? All these years, I always stood by your side. You really think that I won't hunt you down? That Kian, Jack and I, won't try anything to get you get back, to get answers? You know that Tate has been crying next to me? We're not mad, just confused and sad. Please call me back, okay? I'm worried."

+ 78 unseen messages ......

I made a mistake..what was I thinking?  Was I a coward, to be this selfish? Leaving them...feeling like they were doing something wrong all along? How the fuck do you comprehend dying? I can't stop myself from letting my emotions take first hand. I was going crazy and I messed up like crazy. 

The people who supported my music career, fans, friends, managers, I play a role in many more lives than I realized.

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