Black And White //N.H

27.

We spend new years eve together with a couple of our friends. Soon enough it's April, and it's starting to look more and more like spring. It's not as cold, and the sun is peeking out a lot more. I've never understood why the sun is more present during spring than summer. It's starting to get hot enough to put away the winter clothes, which I appreciate. Since the end of January my relationship with Niall is public. We never made it public, but after being spotted hanging out a little too often the media connected the dots. This made our relationship a little more complicated, but we still manage. I'm taking a walk in the park near my new flat when Niall calls me. "Sweets, where are you?" he asks, and I frown. He sounds stressed. That has been the usual tone lately, stressed and sometimes a little harsh. He tries to keep it more sweet and loving when he speaks with me, but I can tell when he's faking it and not. "I'm taking a walk, needed some fresh air, why?" I ask, walking over to a bench and sitting down, looking out at the small pond, where a couple of birds are gathered, eating something from the ground. "Are you busy?" he asks, ignoring my question. "No, not really. I'm going out with Lily later though, she said it was important," I tell him, looking down at my shoes, bringing the top of my feet against each other repeatedly. "Fuck, ok." He stays quiet for a while, all I can hear is his breathing into the phone. "Niall, what's going on?" I ask, but he still doesn't say anything. "Niall, I'm not meeting up with her for some hours, I can come over if you want?" I say, when I understand that he's not going to answer my question. "No, it's ok. I'll see you later I guess. Bye" he says, hanging up before I can say anything. I get up from the bench, my bum a little cold, and my thoughts spinning around in my head. I know that he's been working a lot lately, and I try to figure out what it can be that is making him this stressed out. I decide to head over to check up on him, just in case.

When I get to Niall's flat the door is open. I knock on the doorframe, shouting a little hello, so that he knows I'm there. No one responds, but I still walk in. When I enter the sitting room I come to an halt. There's sheets of paper lying around everywhere, some of them written down on the whole page while others just have a couple of words written on it. There's a mug standing on the coffee table, still filled up with coffee. Niall isn't here, so I walk into his bedroom. Here the scenery is totally different. The bed is made neatly, and not a single thing is laying on the floor. I walk through the rest of the house, trying to find Niall but he isn't here. When I start considering if he actually is here or not, I hear some light strumming from a guitar coming from the balcony. Of course he would be there, I shouldn't be surprised.

I stand in the door frame for a while listening to the song he's playing. I've never heard it before, so I assume that it's pretty new. Niall usually shows me his new music as soon as he has something on it. I walk up behind him, wrap my arms around his torso and kiss his cheek. He jumps a little but quickly relaxes when he sees me. "Hey," I tell him, placing another kiss on his neck. "The door was open, and you didn't answer," I tell him, pulling away so that I can sit down. "Oh, I didn't hear you coming, I'm sorry." He looks down at the guitar and plays a couple of chords, from the song he sang when I got there. "I liked the song. It was nice," I tell him and he just nods. I let out a sigh before taking his guitar and putting it down. "Niall, what's wrong?" I ask and he shrugs, looking out at the city. "Nothing." I place a kiss on his shoulder, before looking up at him. "You can tell me, you know. I vent to you all the time. Maybe it will be nice for you to get it out," I tell him, and take his hand in mine. "I did get it out," he says nodding his head at the guitar. I smile a little and rest my head on his shoulder. "I know you get things out by writing, Love. Do you want to play it for me, tell me that way," I ask. Lately we've been working on our communication. Both of us keep stuff to ourselves, which makes it hard for the other to understand. He nods, taking the guitar up and starting to strum along. He starts in the middle of the song, but I don't mind that.

Don't let the tide come and take me

I just want a safe place to hide us away

So don't let the tide come and take me

Don't let the tide come and wash us away

Don't let the tide come and take me

Far from with you, where I wanna stay

So don't let the tide come and take me

Oh no, get ready

I feel it coming, it's coming again

Don't give up, and don't let me

'Cause I'm needing you to understand

When I go, all I ever seem to fear

Is that you're gonna find someone

And slowly watch me disappear

He stops playing and puts the guitar down again. "Is it about us?" I ask, and he nods again. "So you feel like we're drifting away from each other?" He looks at me. "I don't know. I'm stressed out about it though. I don't know how to deal with this. Yes, we see each other all the time, but I feel like it's so superficial. I know that it's hard to date me. I would leave if I were you. Hell, you should probably do that, so you don't have to be stuck here with me," he says, keeping the eye contact the whole time he's talking. "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard, Nialler, seriously. You're perfect in every single way, and I wouldn't change you for anything or anyone. I love you, you know that right?" He looks away, not showing any emotions on his face. "I love you too. Things are just different, after everybody found out I mean. I wish we could get to keep it between us longer. I don't need hundreds of people asking about how my relationship is going. The only person I want to talk about that with is you. I wish we could go somewhere that we would never be recognized, and live there forever," he says, looking back at me. I give him a sad smile. "That's impossible. People know, and we can't do anything about it. Sure, we don't have to be happy with it, but we need to accept it. It won't help if we're angry," I tell him. He leans down to give me a kiss. "All we need to know is that I love you and you love me. No one can take that away from us, not even the press," I continue when he pulls away. "Thank you. I'm sorry for being an ass on the phone earlier, but I didn't want to stress you out. Probably not the best way to do that," he says, making me laugh. "You weren't an arse. You couldn't act like one even if you tried, you're too soft," I say, and now he laughs.

"Hey, I need to head out so I can meet up with Lily," I tell him after an hour of sitting out on the terrace, cuddling and talking. "Ok. Do you think that I can sleep over at yours or something tonight?" He asks. "Yeah, sure. I have work tomorrow, so I have to get up early, but you're used to that. The keys are under the plant if I'm not home when you get there." He walks me to the door and kisses me, before nodding. "Bye, love you, sweets," he says, and I kiss him quickly again. "Love you too, Ni," I tell him before heading off.

AN// Shit, I'm sorry for not updating a lot, but I'll be better from now on (I hope, haha). Anyways, what do you think?