Black And White //N.H

64.

24th of July 2022

"Are you ok, sweets?" Niall asks me, taking my hand and rubbing small circles on the back. I nod at him with my eyes closed and my head leaned back, as I try to ignore the pain that has been present for four hours. "It will be over soon, I promise you," he whispers, kissing my cheek. "I don't want to do this anymore," I tell him and he frowns at me. "Remember that it will be worth it in a few, when we have our teeny tiny baby," he lets out, brushing some loose strands of hair away from my sweaty forehead. I breathe in and out slowly, as the midwife comes inside the room. "This baby better be talented, and don't cry all the time," I joke halfheartedly to Niall, and he chuckles slighty. "Trust me, it will." He kisses my forehead again, as the midwife tells us I can start pushing soon.

"Niall, I'm not sure if I can do this," I tell him and he bites his lip before giving my hand a squeeze. "It's gonna be ok, it's only gonna last for a short amount of time, and I will be here at all times," he reassures me, believing I'm thinking of the birth itself, when in reality I'm talking about this whole parent thing. I noticed how not ready I was for a kid when we saw our kid for the first time during an ultrasound.

19th of december 2021

"And here is your baby, healthy and well," the midwife tells us as Niall is holding my hand tight, some tears threatening to spill over. "Look at our little bean," Niall tells me and I smile at him, looking up at the screen. "I need to go find some paperwork you need to fill out, I'll be back in a few," the older lady tells us, getting up from her chair and leaving the room. "Isn't it beautiful?" Niall asks and I nod slowly. "What's wrong? You seem a little off," Niall tells me, turning so that he can look at me. "I'm gonna be a shitty parent," I mutter, keeping my eyes on the screen. "What do you mean? You'll be amazing," he tells me and I feel some tears swell up in my eyes. "I'm Rachel Green, Niall," I let out and he gets a confused wrinkle in between his eyebrows. "I'm not following." I take a deep breath, before I feel a tear fall down my cheek. "I can't see the fucking baby, where is it?" Niall can't help but let out a small laugh, and I slap his shoulder lightly. "I'm sorry, sweets. Here, I'll show you," he tells me, getting up to point at the screen where the baby is. I stick my bottom lip out, as I pout at Niall. "It's there," I mutter and he smiles, walking back over to me and cupping my face with his hands. "Yes, it's there," he tells me, kissing my nose.

24th of July 2022

When I finally get to start pushing I groan loudly, as it's quite painful. "You're doing amazing," Niall mumbles in my ear and I pout at him. "I don't want to. Can we give it back or something?" I ask him and he laughs. "It's a little too late for that," he mutters. I noticed that he makes a big effort to be affectionate, and if it were any other setting I would probably get tired of it, but at this moment nothing tempts more than a kiss on the forehead from him. When I finally get done with pushing, and I feel my body relax, as the baby is out. "It's a boy," the midwife tells us, and I smile weakly, as my body is drained. "Babyboy Horan," Niall says, kissing my cheek. "Isn't he supposed to cry?" I ask Niall, a little stressed, but as if on cue, the small baby starts crying, and I breathe out in relief. The midwife explains that they're gonna weigh him and measure him real quick before getting back, and I just nod at her. "Ready to push again?" the midwife asks and my eyes widen, and I hear Niall let out a surprised cough beside me. "We only ordered one," Niall stutters, and I look over at him at the choice of words. "Yes, you're only gonna get one, this is the placenta," she explained and I let out a relieved breath. I mutter a quiet thank god, and before I know it the placenta is long gone.

When the nurse who took the baby for a health check finally gets back she walks over to me, and is about to give the newborn to me, but I shake my head. "Niall can hold him first," I mumble, and the nurse shrugs, handing him to Niall. "Look at him, he's beautiful," Niall tells me, leaning over. "Here," Niall mumbles, leaning over to put him in my arms but I shake my head. "You can hold him for a little longer," I mumble, and he frowns. "What's up?" he asks and I shrug. "Nothing." He rolls his eyes at me, before letting out a sigh. "You're a terrible liar," Niall reminds me and I bite my lip at his words, knowing that he's right. "I'm nervous. I have never held a newborn before," I told him honestly and he furrowed his eyebrows. "And no, I never held Cindy or Eva," I tell him and he looks at me through his eyelashes. "Come on, it's not that hard," he tells me, and motions for me to put my arms in a certain way, before he places the baby there. "See, you're doing it," he exclaims, and I smile. I bring my hand up to the tiny baby hand, and it grasps my fingers, making a happy pout enter my face. "Look, he's holding my finger," I tell Niall and he nods.

After about fifty minutes I'm still sitting there with the newborn in one arm, and my other is tangled in Niall's hair as he's taking a small nap with his head in my lap. I start to hum to black and white, as I keep my eyes focused on the kid, and just like that he opens his eyes for the first time. I nudge Niall a little too roughly, because he darts up quickly asking what was wrong. I take his hand and pull him back down where he was sitting, nodding towards the kid. "I- eyes, they're like mine," Niall says, as his eyes are glued to the ocean blue eyes, almost identical to Nialls color. "This is fucking amazing," Niall mutters, and I hand him the child. "No more swearing," I remind him. He laughs a little, as I move over in the bed so that he can get in as well.

"We need a name," Niall tells him after our families visited us, and it's just us two left. "We should get in James there," I say and Niall smiles at me. "Really?" he asks as he thinks about it, and I nod. "I think it would work well with Lucas," I continue, as I think about a name we had considered if it turned out to be a boy, as it was a surprise until just a few hours ago. "Lucas James Horan," Niall says, and I smile, as I love that combination.

27th of July 2022

We walked into our house a few days later. Niall has Lucas in a baby seat in one hand, and holds mine with the other. When we found out I was pregnant we made the decision to buy a house so that we would have more room and not live in the middle of the city, and now we have a garden, pool and all that, some space for Lucas to run around on when he's old enough. "Do you think we'll ever stop staring at him?" Niall asks later that night, when Lucas is laying in his crib and we're standing there, Niall's arms wrapped around my waist from behind, as he rests his head on my shoulder. "Probably not," I mumble, feeling how tired I am. "You wanna go to bed?" Niall asks, and I nod. When we finally get into bed, I cuddle up against Niall, and feel my eyelids grow heavy in just a few moments, as I close them and drift off to a peaceful sleep.

AN// I am not an expert at birth, but I tried.