Not Now

Part 20

Lindsey's POV

~

She said, yes. Stevie actually agreed to come over after work. And we hugged. It felt wonderful holding her again and I hope I'll get another chance if not tonight, then hopefully sometime soon.

Right now I'm anxiously awaiting Stevie's arrival. Some time has already passed since I left her work, but the time seems to have slowed down, minutes feel like hours. I'm thinking of what I'm going to say to Stevie to justify her coming to see me. Maybe there's no need for a reason other than that I've missed her and possibly she's missed me?

I open a bottle of beer, while I sit in front of the TV and wait for Stevie. What I would like is a cigarette, but I'm not going to smoke, knowing how much Stevie despises that. I tap my phone screen to check the time, it's nearing 2 am. Is she still working or has she changed her mind?

I feel relieved, when the doorbell rings and I jump to my feet, rushing to let Stevie in. I can't help the grin, when I see her and she smiles back at me, slightly more modestly. 

"Sorry, I took so long. Brandon's still at the bar, he made me leave." She says, walking inside.

I don't particularly enjoy hearing about him, but I guess, I should trust Stevie on this one. Maybe men and women can just be friends. And live together.

"It's fine." I wave it off. "Can I get you anything?"

"Uh..." Stevie takes a second, then nods her head. "I'll have one of those." She points to my opened bottle on the small coffee table in the living room. 

"You sit down, I'll be right back." 

I'm really excited that she's here. We don't seem so tentative with each other either. I know that I shouldn't let go completely and pretend that we're just fine, but it's hard to, when I have Stevie with me right now at a place we used to share.

"Are you hungry?" I ask, handing her a bottle, she asked for.

"No, thank you." She shakes her head, then gives me a funny look. "Wait... you're cooking now?"

"Well, yeah. I don't have you around anymore." I hope that didn't come out wrong. Judging by Stevie's expression, it didn't as she chuckles, taking a sip.

"I'd gladly sample something, but maybe some other time." 

Some other time? We're going to see each other again?

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Stevie asks, bringing her feet up on the couch, she hugs her knees to her chest.

"You're beautiful. I've missed looking at you." I tell her honestly and she shyly shifts her gaze off me. "You are." I add, wanting to touch her, but I clench my fist to stop myself.

"I'm sorry about that phone call, Linds." Stevie changes the subject. I can see that she's blaming herself for how it went. 

"Forget about it." I say. "It's just... I don't know, we seemed okay that night, when we saw each other at the restaurant, I became hopeful, but I understand, why you said no. That's not really the part that got me upset." I pick at the label on the bottle with my fingernail, unsure if I should have admitted that.

Stevie remains quiet for a moment, her hand then finds mine and our fingers are suddenly laced together. "But I do love you, Linds. I probably shouldn't have tried saying that out loud, but... I thought we were okay that night too."

I give her hand a gentle squeeze and smile at her weakly. "It isn't easy, but it feels good, hearing those words from you."

I'm not sure if she does this intentionally or not, but Stevie shifts in her seat and she's now sitting closer to me. "Why am I here, Lindsey?"

"You don't want to be here?" I ask, slightly alarmed. 

"I do." She replies without hesitation. "That's the thing, Linds, I do want to be here."

I crease my eyebrows, looking at her, while she stares back at me. She's not saying anything, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. Her hand blindly seeks out mine again and my heart's now pounding out of my chest.

What the hell is happening right now?