Not Now

Part 23

Stevie's POV

~

We don't even think about it, when Lindsey and I kiss goodbye, before I get out of the car. We sort of just looked at each other, smiled and he drove away. I spent nearly the whole day with him. He made coffee in the morning, he cooked, we stayed in bed, just talking about everything that came to mind. It felt wonderful. I got a chance to see a different side of Lindsey, the same one I'd known years ago and it brought back a lot of good memories. I'm still on a high from everything we did together, but I know that I should come back to reality. My heart is yelling at me to just go back to him, however, I'm not so sure that one great night is a good enough argument for me to do so.

As I step through the door, I find Brandon staring at me, his eyebrow raised, arms folded over his chest. It feels like I've come home to my parents' house and my father is disappointed in me because I didn't come home last night. 

"Hey." I say, trying to sound cheerful.

"Don't hey me." Brandon shakes his head. "Where were you? I was worried sick. You ignored all of my calls and texts."

"I know, I'm sorry." I smile at him sheepishly. "But you knew that I was going to see Lindsey."

It looks like realization hits him and his eyes grow wide. "You spent the night with Lindsey?"

"Kinda did, yeah."

For a second Brandon seems excited for me, but the father figure returns shortly. "Was that a good idea, Stevie?"

"I don't know." I answer him honestly as I take off my shoes at last and put away my bag. I continue, with Brandon following me into the kitchen. "It sure seemed like a fantastic idea last night. Everything felt different. Better."

"Are you sure, you're not just missing him?" Brandon asks, taking a seat, while I pour myself a glass of water and sit down opposite him.

"Of course, I am." I shrug. "But at the same time, that pull is still there. When I went to him after work, Lindsey was being so sweet and so caring. We sat down to talk and I just... I couldn't resist telling him, how I actually feel inside."

"Which is?"

"I need him, Brandon." I sigh heavily, resting my head in my hands. "Every day, whenever I get a second to myself, I think of him. I look at my phone and I want to reach out to him. I want to talk to him, I want to be around him. I want to make love to him and I want to be lazy in bed together on Saturdays and Sundays." I look up and Brandon gives me a sympathetic look. "Am I crazy? Should I just move forward, stand by my decision and try moving on?"

"I'm no relationship expert, Stevie." Brandon shakes his head. "But..." He gives a shrug. "It's clear that you're not over Lindsey and I don't think that you want to be."

"I don't."

"It's not unheard of, people breaking up then getting back together. If that's something you want, you should do it. Maybe don't dive in head first, but..."

I sit back against the chair and rub my tired eyes. "I'm just afraid that things would be good for a while, then every single problem we had, would rear its ugly head again in time."

"You'll never know if you don't try, will you?"

I get up with a sigh and squeeze Brandon's shoulder on my way, smiling at him. "Thank you."

"No need." He pats my hand and I head to my room to lie down.

I drifted off almost as soon as I got in bed. I wake up an hour or so later, with Lindsey on my mind. I take my phone and decide to send him a text.

'Hit me up, when you're cooking something delicious.'

I'd gladly come for dinner tonight if Lindsey invited me, but I hope we both understand that I didn't mean that. Brandon's right, I shouldn't just jump back into it.