Not Now

Part 12

Lindsey's POV

~

I've had the longest day at work. I'm glad my shift is over and I'm almost home. However, the closer I get, the more anxious I become. I just left in the morning, Stevie was still there. I honestly thought that she was going to change her mind. She let me get close to her, we made love and then she broke up with me. I had to keep it together at work, but I'm afraid that all of the emotions I've bottled up are going to just wash over me, once I'm in the privacy of our apartment. Is it ours still? Stevie and I didn't even say anything to each other.

Taking a deep breath, I slide the key into the lock, not on the first try though, my hands are shaky. I swallow uneasily and push the door open. My heart sinks, I immediately notice that some of the things I'm used to being here are gone. I walk into the bedroom and find the closet half empty. I gulp, my heart's pounding. I go into the bathroom and all of Stevie's things are gone. Stevie is gone. I can't believe she has already moved out. Everything has just happened. On the other hand, I suppose, it's better this way. She just ripped the band-aid off. Now the realization really hits me. We're broken up, Stevie left. 

I don't know, what to do with myself. This apartment doesn't feel like home anymore. I walk around aimlessly, scratching my head. Was it that easy for her to just up and leave? Is she feeling the same way as I am right now? Is she hurting at all? Or is she relieved, she's no longer tied to me. 

I need a drink. I know, I'm not going to have just the one and I'll regret it in the morning, but I need a damn drink. The fridge is empty and I shut it with force, frustrated. There's a bottle, I've been keeping for a while now, it was a present from my father. Since there aren't going to be any things worth celebrating anymore, I'll treat my misery with it instead.

Before I walk out of the kitchen, I notice a folded piece of paper on the table. I know it's Stevie's handwriting, it has my name on it. I don't want to read it. I don't want to go through it again. I reach for it anyway and take a seat. 

'Lindsey,

I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. You walked out the door and I didn't have the heart to stop you. I understand just how badly I've hurt you and I'm so sorry, I truly am. I'm not sure if you believe me, but my heart is broken. I've never wanted for things to end the way they did. It's painful right now, but it will get better with time. I don't know if you're going to read this, I hope you do, and I want you to know that I will never love any other man, not as much as I love you. You have my heart, Linds, know that. I wish I knew, what had to change, so we stayed together, but I don't and I don't think you do either. 

And now you're gone... and I'm alone, and I'm so lonely
Nothing seems to be the same

The one thing that will never change is my love for you, Lindsey. 

Steph x'

I clench my fist, crumpling Stevie's letter at the same time. I DIDN'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN.