Unloving my First Love (First Love Series 1)

Chapter 18: Space

Dale

Where will I start? How do I start over again? These are my thoughts the next morning, waking up and realizing that we're no longer together breaks my heart even more. Yesterday when he decided to break up with me, I was caught unguarded, my hopes and dreams came shattering in front of me.I didn't know what to do. It was as if my whole life had fallen into pieces. I wanted to ask him why, I wanted to hold him again. Not measuring the pain I felt, but I gave him what he wanted. Maybe, that's what will make him happy and contented. Pero bakit pa siya nagpunta dito kahapon? Ang gulo gulo ng isip ko. I can't seem to find the logic. I realized that when I fall in love with Chico , my only wish is  for us to grow and stay forever and I know he did too. But sometimes, no matter how perfect a relationship may seem , people just change and forget their promises of forever. That's what happened to us, we're perfect for each other for the past 3 years. I didn't see this will come to an end. I was not prepared to loose him. With these thoughts, tears formed in my eyes and started to fall again. I tried to suppress it but it won't let me. Ang sakit sakit.

Naramdaman siguro ni ate na gising na ako kaya naman tinawag niya ako para kumain. Pinilit kong kumalma para harapin sila. Mommy was still here, she's looking at me intently, obvious naman ang pamamaga ng mata ko but she didn't ask me why. We ate quietly, no one dared to talk, no one ask me or even looked at me. Unti unting tumulo ulit ang luha ko but they ignored it and they just let me cry. After eating, I took a bath then went back to bed. I appreciate that they didn't say anything. I am thankful that just this once, they let me cry by myself. Nakatulugan ko na naman ang pagiyak, I just slept the whole day and woke up around 1:00AM, hindi na ko nakapaghapunan, wala din naman akong gana. I turned on my phone and saw messages from Chico, Dax and Annie:

Annie Message 1:

Bes, punta tayo kila Jane sa Sat. textbk.

Annie Message 2:

Hoy magreply ka! nakapatay phone mo.

Annie Message 3:

Textbak ka bes, wait ka namin ni Jane

Dax:

I'm here always BF, let me know when you're ready. I love you. :)

I smiled after reading Dax's message. I didn't want to read Chico's message. I am too tired, sa haba ng tinulog ko, wala pa ding nagbago sa pakiramdam ko, pagod pa din ako. I'm still looking at my cellphone when another message from Chico popped up. I sighed before I opened it.

Chico: Kausapin mo ko Babe. Parang awa mo na.

Chico: Mahal na mahal kita. Ikaw lang.

Chico: Sorry Babe. I love you very much.

Chico: Babe ko, kausapin mo ko.

I just opened 4 messages from him, then I deleted all of it even if I haven't read the rest of it,  before I turned off my phone again. I tried to sleep but I can't anymore. I keep on seeing Chico's face. The memories of us together, his kiss, his hug, the way he hold my hand keeps running in my mind. Then it will be replaced with undeniable pain. Iiyak na naman ako, gusto ko ng huminto yung sakit pero ayaw eh. Gusto kong mamanhid nalang but it's impossible.

That's how my week goes. Puro tulog, there are times na di na ko nakakakain, I just chose na mahiga. Dad visited us but I wasn't able to talk to him that much, sabi ko nalang masama ang pakiramdam ko. I just wanted to rest, napagod ako ng husto, napagod akong mahalin si Chico.

It's been 8 days since the break up, I was sleeping  that afternoon when I heard a commotion outside. Sumisigaw si Mommy may inaawat, I thought it maybe Dad, baka nagaaway sila but I heard Chico's voice calling me. Nakikipagtalo kay Mommy