11:11 (A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction)

Chapter 25

        After getting 9 long hours of sleep, I woke up feeling surprisingly awake.  The school was going to be buzzing about Shawn's performance and that made my heart warm.  Walking the halls, I occasionally got some glares from fangirl freshman who think I'm a bitch because of the song but they don't know me. I got to all of my classes just on time since girls would be shoving into me in the hallways.  When I walked into second period, everyone was looking at me.  My eyes found Shawn's quickly and I smiled awkwardly at him.  He smiled softly back and gave me a quick wave before returning to his conversation.  The day was sort of like that for a while.  I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say to him and im sure it was the same way for him.  That is, until Shawn came and sat night to me during lunch and leaned over and whispered in my ear. "Hey can I have a ride home?"

"Sure! Meet me after 10th period." I replied.

"Ok I have to talk to you." He said. Shoot I hope he isn't like pissed at me.

"Is it good or bad?" I asked.

"You'll see." He said, holding in a little smirk.

For the rest of the school day all the possible scenarios, of our car ride talk, were running through my mind.  After tenth period, I gathered my things and put them in my backpack.  I recognized Shawn's shoes in front of me as I slowly looked up to his face.  He was smiling at me as I struggled with picking up my heavy backpack from the ground.  When I finally got it on my back I laughed a little bit before saying "sorry, I couldn't lift the weight."  I walked past him as he scoffed.  He followed me out of the room and I turned back to face him.  He shook his head at my failed attempt to make a semi-good joke to lighten the mood.

"Are you mad?" He asked as we walked through the hallway.  I looked to my right to catch him nervously biting his lip, looking only toward the sad white tile ahead.

"Not even a little bit," I replied after barely any hesitation.  "Actually, I can't even begin to describe how proud I am of you."  His eyes lit up as they finally looked towards mine and it made me so incredibly happy.  It was actually an honor that he found my feelings and opinion so valuable and important still.  We reached the door to the parking lot and Shawn held it open respectfully for me.  I stepped through.

"You know, writing that song helped me a lot.  It made me realize that I don't know why I'm trying when it only makes things more difficult for you," he explained.  It was nice to hear what he was saying, but it also made me upset.  The fact that Shawn kept pursuing our relationship made me continue to believe that maybe someday things could be different.  That if one day Patrick saw that I needed Shawn, he would be right there with arms wide open.  But that day isn't going to come anymore.  Because I can't expect Shawn to wait for me when I can't even guarantee the events of tomorrow.

"That's good," I managed to choke out as I held back tears.  When we reached my car in a matter of moments, I tried to open my door but Shawn put a forceful hand on the door and closed it back shut.

"Tell me what's on your mind," he stated confidently.  I should've known not to let my feelings show to someone who knows me better than I know myself.  There's no way I can tell him the truth. It will only make things more complicated, won't it?  I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned my back against the car.

"The truth isn't going to help us move past this. It will help if I just ignore it and you let it go," I told him honestly.  He looked away from my gaze and scratched his head.  When he looked back at me, it was with a look of understanding but also of curiosity.  He shrugged.

"At this point we're already confused enough, right?"  I smiled as I finally allowed a tear to slip down my cheek.  He wiped it with his thump and waited for me to explain.