11:11 (A Shawn Mendes Fanfiction)

Chapter 22

I woke up the next morning and smiled, knowing everything was okay now. It's amazing how one doesn't even realize the opportunies and luxuries they are given until they're snatched away without reason. I pulled the covers off of my body and rolled out of bed towards the closet. I threw on some red shorts, a white V neck, and a cardigan. I found a necklace and went into the bathroom to put on some concealer and braided a strand of my hair. I pinned it back and went downstairs.
My dad and Patrick were sitting at the table, reading the reviews of some of the new movies out in theaters. I went over to Patrick and kissed the top of his head before hugging my dad from behind. They both looked up from their paper as I scanned through the items in the fridge. I found some yogurt and sat down to join them. We talked about whatever, whether it was school or our schedules for the week, and soon it was time to go.
I grabbed my keys and walked out the front door. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a figure moving by Shawn's house. My feet stopped suddenly and he looked over to me, coming to a stop. I took a couple deep breaths as I looked at his expressionless face, trying to come up with something to say. He sighed and looked away, scratching behind his ear. I felt a tear slip down my cheek as he turned once again to continue to his car. I sat in the driver's seat of mine and tried to collect the pieces that were left of myself. Shawn is the love of my life and I'm letting him go. I have to get over him. Most things don't last forever, and maybe Shawn was just a fling. Breakups are always hard, right?
I wiped my eyes and gripped the steering wheel, pulling out of the driveway and into the empty street. I drove to school and listened to Cool Kids by Echosmith, letting the irrelevant words drown out any relevant thoughts. Once my car pulled into a spot at school, I entered the building and found Sophie and Emily. They both stopped their conversation abruptly as they noticed me, and enveloped me in the biggest hug I had ever felt.
"Oh my god, Nick," Em sighed, tightening her arms around me. "I am so sorry about everything that's happened to you." I gripped onto her for life, appreciating the words she was sharing with me. Sophie was cherishing the moment we were all having in the middle of the hallway, too, with her arms wrapped around the both of us. I soon left the hug and waved goodbye to them sadly as I departed for first period.
People knew what had happened in my life. In a town like mine, word gets around fast as hell. Before you even say something, people already know. Random sympathetic girls came to offer their support, but also their happiness that we found Patrick in the end. I couldn't help but feel like some were happy that Shawn and I were done, too. Since he's not with me, he's up for grabs for any of these perfect girls. He always did say he only wanted me, and that I was the vision of perfection in his eyes, but just wait until he starts dating around again. He'll probably realize that it was a mistake to ever ask me out on that date. That everything between us was a mistake. I was caught up in my thoughts for all of first period.
When I walked into my second period class, Shawn was sitting in his desk with a notebook out. He was hastily writing and crossing words out on a piece of paper and since my desk was next to his, I quietly slid into the seat. I looked over his shoulder and saw a couple of lines written out. "I wanna go back, forget that it's over," it read. Once he realized I was next to him and he saw me reading, he vigorously shut the spiral and looked at me.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"Don't worry about it," he said. There was awkward silence as I bit my lip. He tapped his hands rythmically on the table. "I'm glad you found Patrick," he told me after moments of uncomfortableness.
"You can't imagine how happy I was when he walked through the door," I added. He smiled and looked at his desk.
"I would have loved to see that," he sincerely told me. I stopped smiling and my expression shifted slightly. Maybe he did still love me. Maybe it's like Shawn said... Maybe we still have a chance.
"Shawn, I-" I began but he put his hand on my arm.
"Nicki, don't. I understand," he comforted me and returned to his backpack, looking through it to find his folder for this class, I'm guessing.
"Even if we aren't.. you know.. us anymore," I said awkwardly as he looked back toward me. "I still want to hear whatever you're working on sometime," I suggested honestly. He softly smiled and nodded at me before writing down his homework in his agenda and leaving me, once again, in my thoughts.
School continued slowly and consisted of too much pity and sympathy than I could handle. Life works out the way it does for a reason, and people need to see that I really am okay. I put my backpack on my shoulders and began heading out. I pulled my phone out from the side pocket of my bag and saw a text notification from Cam.
"hey, not sure what place we're in, but wanna come hang with nash and me for a bit?" It read. To be honest, Cameron had slipped my mind for the past couple of days. Not really sure how that could happen, since he's Cameron Dallas, but it did. Maybe he was the answer to my prayers. He could help me get over Shawn. I was planning on stopping by the studio to see if I could get some rehearsal space for my solo since competition is this weekend, so I'll head over there after.
"be there in an hour or so, gotta rehearse my dance solo for comp this weekend!" I typed before getting in the car and speeding off to the studio. While it was kind of a drive from school, I got there and there was luckily an open space for an hour. The woman at the desk, who I have known for years as a person but can never remember her name, let me in and I put my stuff down. My phone buzzed and I quickly checked it before plugging it into the speaker. It was a text from Cam reading "can't wait to see you." I smiled and played a song to stretch to a little bit.
I remembered the words from our last full company rehearsal, that I needed to find inspiration. What I realized was that my inspiration came in many different ways. From sitting in the middle of the road in a dress and heels, to sitting in the waves of a beach with someone who really loved me, to losing my brother and getting him back, to continuing on despite my struggles. Once I finished stretching, I played the music and began dancing. Even though I've drilled the technique for weeks on end, it's never felt this natural. There was purpose behind every arm, intention behind every extension, and emotion behind every movement. It felt like a story, like I was telling my life with motions. Once it finished, I put my hands in my hair and smiled. The door opened and I jumped a little bit. It was Ms. C, our company director, the one who told me not to fall on my face.
"I don't even know who that dancer was a couple of weeks ago," she told me, standing in the doorway. She must have been watching through the window, which I didn't mind. I'd rather her see it when I'm proud of it. I chuckled and stood up.
"Thank you so much. I really just took your advice. I didn't really find inspiration though... It found me," I explained to her. She looked interested in every word I told her about finding this new attitude and approach to the dance. She walked closer to the center of the room and put her hands on my shoulders, turning me towards the mirror.
"You know what I see in you, Nicole?" She asked rhetorically. "I see an exquisite dancer and a beautiful girl. I see someone who has loved, but also has felt pain. And despite these hurdles and obstacles, she is able to take every experience and make it into this beautiful art." Her words made my heart soar. Even though my pain these past couple of days has been unbearable, it has given me the drive to be an inspired artist. I smiled at her and thanked her.
"Do you think I'm ready for competition this weekend?" I asked her, really appreciating her opinion at the moment. She rubbed her hand on my shoulder and smiled back at me in the mirror.
"You're more than ready," she replied, before walking towards the doorway. She turned towards me one last time. "Don't lose that spark." I laughed lightly, walking back to the speaker and playing the music a couple more times, running through the dance just for reassurance. Once I felt secure, I packed up my stuff, waved goodbye to the desk woman, and got in my car. I typed in Nash and Cam's address and drove over there. As I was driving, I heard a voice come on the radio.
"Hey, Los Angeles! It's Shawn Mendes," my heart fluttered. "Be sure to tune in tomorrow at 6:00, where you'll get a sneak peek at some songs from my new EP!" I knew he would only become more successful as time went on. People are going to hear more and more of his music, fall in love with his words, and learn that he is also one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. But he's not those things for me anymore. He can't be.
I pulled up to the curb in front of Cam's house and locked the car as I got to the front step. Before I could knock on the door, it opened to reveal a slightly nervous Cameron. I didn't know why he was nervous... He knows that I had bigger problems last weekend than him lying to his friends. So I walked right up to him and threw my arms around his neck. He wrapped his firmly around my waist and shut the door with his foot. Being in his arms was i describe. The only part that I could describe was that they aren't Shawn's.
Cam let me go and we went into the basement before sitting on the couch. I sat next to him with my legs over his lap. I knew some pretty tough conversation was coming up. About Patrick, about Shawn, about him. I braced myself and told myself that I wouldn't cry about 200 times mentally.
"I'm not going to make you answer anything that you don't want to," he told me. The weight on my shoulders lightened a little bit. "But I have a right to know a couple of things." It was true. I told him to get out of my house after that fight for really no reason, I was just overwhelmed.
"Well, it's sort of complicated. Like I told you, Patrick doesn't like me spending so much time with Shawn. So when Patrick went missing, it showed me how much I need him in my life and how important he really is to me. So when Shawn first tried to comfort me, I freaked out, and broke things off with him like he was some villain... I regret how harsh I was with him, but I think it was necessary. And then you showed up at my door, looking handsome as ever, and I realized that I did need someone. It didn't matter that you lied to Nash and Shawn, because I was happy you were there. And I was thinking, 'maybe I really don't need Shawn.' I'm not mad at you. The opposite really," I explained to him. Halfway through this speech, he put his arm around my back and was rubbing his hand lightly over my shoulders and upper back. At the end, he looked like he was still nervous. I'm not really sure why, though. I thought what I just said would have calmed his nerves at least a little bit.
"Nicole, I know things have been hard for you. And I don't want to take advantage of you being in a fragile state, but I really like you. I have since I saw you, and I just have to get that off of my chest," he said shakily. Wow. I guess I should have expected this, but it came really soon. I looked to my hands for a brief moment. "I'm not expecting you to say anything, just so you know. That would be insensitive," he added. I smiled to myself and looked into Cam's eyes. I put one of my hands behind his neck and ran my fingers through the hair on the back of his head. I'm not sure what came over me, but I leaned into him, and brought my lips to his. He hesitated a little bit before grabbing my waist and kissing back. As the kiss grew more intense, he bit my lip and slid his tongue in my mouth. We continued to make out as he laid me down, hovering over me. His hands hungrily rubbed my sides as he left my lips to place kisses down my neck. As he began to take off my shirt, I stopped him.
"Let's not move too fast, here," I told him, struggling to find my breath. He nodded and laughed a little bit, probably replaying the unexpected events in his head. I laughed a little bit, too. The truth is, I did have feelings for Cam. He was sweet, attractive, and a realllllly good kisser. I mean, wow. But he wasn't Shawn, and it was going to take me some time to get used to that.
Cam sat back up and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist tightly like Shawn used to do. God, Nick. Stop thinking about him. He's done with you and he's probably already found someone else. Sitting here with Cam made me happy, and that's all that matters. I leaned my head back against his shoulder as he grabbed an Xbox controller. He turned it on with the touch of a button and Fifa came up on the screen. I saw another controller on the table in front of us and grabbed it. Cam chuckled.
"Alright, I'll go easy on you," he laughed and selected the two-player option. I looked back at him and smiled, noticing the content expression on his face. I kissed his jawbone a couple times as he set it up. Once the game started, he explained the different controls to me briefly before we actually began playing. He was definitely letting me score, but that was okay with me. I'm also pretty sure he made my settings easier than his, but like I said, that's okay with me, too. Once I got tired of playing, I turned my body to wrap my arms around Cam's torso and lean my head against his chest.
"Wake me up in twenty," I said, knowing that I needed to get back home soon. I drifted off to sleep to the beat of Cameron's heart and the clicking of the controller buttons. Finally, things are working out for the better and everyone's going to be happy and better off for it.
I woke up to Cameron's beautiful face and his arm around my waist. He looked at me just like Shawn always did. Not with pity or sympathy, but with concern and love. I kissed his lips lightly and got out of his lap. I threw my jacket on and stood at the doorway. Cam followed behind slowly, and it was then that I really admired his looks. He was really god damn sexy. First Shawn, and now Cam... I'm not sure how I ever got so lucky. After I put my shoes and jacket on, I approached him and stood on my toes to place one final kiss on his lips. He smiled into it and let me go after that. He watched me walk out and before I knew it, I was on my way back to my house. When I pulled into my driveway, I checked my phone. I figured someone had tweeted something about me, since my notifications were going crazy. When I scrolled through miles of tweets, I found a picture of me asleep on Cam's chest.
"@camerondallas: she's the most adorable sleeper @nicolemurphy" I laughed and retweeted it. Many fans were tagging Shawn and it made me squirm a little bit. We were broken up, so it was okay for me to see someone else, right? I checked Shawn's twitter. There was a tweet about his EP on the radio tomorrow, but his most recent one is what caught my eye.
"@shawnmendes: well that was fast." A shiver ran up my spine and I got out of the car. Instead of walking up to my own front door, I approached Shawn's house and knocked. His mom answered the door and she looked weirdly happy to see me. After what happened with Shawn I was sure she would think less of me.
"Hi Mrs. Mendes, is Shawn here?" I asked, fiddling my thumbs and looking to her hopefully. She glanced behind her briefly and opened the door. Shawn was standing there, looking as handsome as he always does, but a little bit broken. "Can we talk?" I wondered. He immediately nodded and we walked upstairs silently. I knew that he saw Cam's tweet and that I had a lot of explaining to do. He sat down on his bed and I stood in front of him, trying to put my thoughts into words.
"I am so hopelessly in love with you," I told him. This caught him off-guard, and perked his interest a little bit more. "But that's scary for me. Patrick ran away from my family because he was losing me to you. And he means everything to me. I can't risk losing him again," I told him. He looked shocked. He had no clue what was going on in full detail like this.
"Nicki, I... I am not sure what to say. You tell me love me but I see that you're with Cameron and that makes it hard to believe you," he explained. I guess I understood. Here I am confessing my love for Shawn when I was just making out with one of his best friends.
"Cameron isn't you Shawn. He never will be you. But he's good to me and maybe my love for him won't be as dangerous as my love for you is," I said honestly. He looked down intently, rubbing his forehead with his hands. I sighed and waited for some sort of response.
"I just want you to be happy," he finally admitted. I cringed. The words that every girl doesn't want to hear when she is trying to figure out her feelings. I walked closer to him and hugged him, missing the familiar but foreign feeling of his arms around me. I began to cry lightly as he rubbed his hand over my back. "That's all I ever want," he added. I pulled away from the hug and he wiped the sleeve of his shirt under my teary eyes. I turned and left the room, walking down the stairs and out of his house. It may be the last time I ever leave his house.