Constantly Rejected- Hotch x Reader

Me Too

You sighed deeply and put your head in your hands.

"So, are you?"

"Huh?" you questioned, bringing your head back up.

"Are you looking for more than a one time thing?"

"Are you seriously ignoring what just happened? What the hell, Hotch?"

"I'm just trying to get an answer."

"I just lost my best friend! Can't you just- give me a second?"

"He'll be fine. We need to talk about this."

"Why are you so insensitive? Why are you so direct and emotionless and rude? What happened to you to make you such a..."

"Such a what, Y/N?" A smile spread across his face as he said it.

"Such a prick! You're such a big, tough guy who, what, flirts with their subordinates to make them lose the only person they've got?" You were clearly crying again, your words coming out in a barely coherent slew of sobs.

"Hold on for a second here, Y/N. You have been relentlessly flirting with me ever since you joined the BAU. I was with Haley, and I liked what you brought to the team, so I ignored it and moved on. Then we split up, and you started acting out. It got to me, I guess. I let my emotions get the best of me and I chose to finally give you what you wanted. But if this isn't just some one night thing, then I'm not particularly interested."

"You pig."

"I'm sorry?"

"You're not 'particularly interested' in anything further than a one night stand? You were just giving me what I wanted? Clearly, what I wanted was wrong. You're a bastard just like every other fucking guy out there. Maybe I would've been better off with Spencer." You paused to take  a breath, and an idea entered your head. Make Hotch think you wanted him, then get close and take your dignity back from his grasp. "But I fucked it up, so here we are. No friends, no boyfriend, and probably no job, after this shit. So yeah, please, give me what I want, Aaron. I've got nothing left to lose."

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't act so shy now, sir," you purred. "You want me? I'm yours. Well, for one night only, of course."

"Y/N, this is ridiculous. You just called me a pig and a bastard. This has to be some kind of trick."

You made your way onto his side of the desk and pulled his chair out, placing yourself in his lap. "C'mon, Aaron, finally give me what I've wanted."

He seemed convinced, placing his hands on your back. You moved in for a kiss, when his office door flew open.

"You know what?" Spencer said, "We're not fini-" He saw you on Hotch's lap, about to kiss him. You threw yourself off of him, almost falling as you did so.

"Spencer, I promise, if you let me explain..."

"Can it, Y/N! I don't want to hear it." He moved towards the door but you got to it and slammed it shut first. 

"Please just let me explain. Sit down, Spencer." You gave him a look that always got you what you wanted. An unfair move on your part. 

You began to analyze what you wanted to say. With the right words, Reid would be putty in your hands. You could get whatever you wanted from him. He was in love with you. He wanted you to feel the same. On the other hand, just toying with Hotch's emotions made you feel alive. You couldn't imagine how things would feel if it weren't just a game.

"This isn't what it looks like," you began.

"It's not?" Hotch and Reid asked in harmony. 

"Well, not exactly. It was more of a..."

You had no idea what to say. You knew either way this went, you were losing someone. You felt like you could change Hotch, really change him, and the two of you could live a passionate, wild life together. Or, you could be with Reid, who desperately wanted you, but who wouldn't give you the same feeling Hotch did. What if Hotch couldn't change, and he didn't want anything more than to sleep with you once and then avoid you? Then you wouldn't have either of them.

"I'm waiting," Spencer replied. 

"Well, uh..."

"Look, Y/N, I get it. You don't like me like that. You like him like that. But I kind of feel like you're dragging me along here. It's not easy being with you, knowing that I'm not the one you're thinking about. And that's okay, but I keep waiting for you to wake up and realize that I'm the one who wants you. Did you hear the way he asked you if you wanted something more? It's pretty clear he wants a one and done type thing before he can rid himself of you."

"Whoa, whoa, I never said that," Hotch retorted.

You turned your head to him. " Are you serious? That's exactly what you said after he left! You know, I wish he didn't come in here so I could do what I was waiting for."

"And what were you waiting to do?" Hotch asked.

"I was going to get in real close, just above your lips, and spit in your face. You disgust me."

"Get out of my office!" he boomed.

"Oh, now you're mad? I didn't even do it."

"Jesus, Y/N, don't you think that's a little extreme?" Spencer said quietly.

"I don't know what I think anymore! I'm a mess, Spencer, I think that's pretty obvious. I live alone, nobody on the team likes me, and I've got no fucking friends anywhere else! I sit and I romanticize things alone in my living room while I cry and think about everything I don't have.  I don't have the ability to choose you, Spence, and I don't have a way to get my mind off of him! I feel violated, and I don't know why, because I know that I'm the one that initiated it! I don't know what I want, I don't know what I can and can't have, and I don't know who I am!" You slid onto the floor and put your head in your knees. You sobbed uncontrollably as Hotch and Spencer exchanged frightened looks.

Spencer lightly placed a hand on your shoulder. He sat on the ground next to you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, crying into him and soaking his shirt. He didn't tell you to stop, he didn't move, he just held you and waited for you to get better.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Me too."

------

author's note: so that chapter was a little more intense that I wanted it to be but I've already written the whole thing so there's no backing out of it now. i'm sorry if i made y/n way more dramatic than she seemed to be, but i also wanted to give her a little bit of baggage. she lives alone, and has only spencer to talk to, that's why she was so excited to go out with emily. 

there will be conflict resolution in the next chapter and all will be well. please vote and comment if you liked what you read, it means a lot to me! have a great day/night!