Constantly Rejected- Hotch x Reader

A Week Off

You cried for longer than you cared to admit. You were sure that the rest of the team knew something was going on, but hopefully not the specifics.

Spencer rubbed his hands against your back in small, soothing circles. He didn't say anything else until you collected yourself. You looked up at Hotch, who looked like wanted nothing more than to leave his office and never come back.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," you whispered.

"Nothing's wrong with you, Y/N," Spencer replied. "There's just a lot going on right now. Maybe you need to take a break from the BAU?"

Is that what you needed? To take a sabbatical and figure out who you were and what you needed?

"That might be smart, Y/N. I can authorize some time off, if that's what it takes for us to move on." Hotch seemed uncomfortable speaking after such a long period of silence. 

You nodded slightly. "I am so sorry, to the both of you." You looked towards the doctor. "Spencer, I don't deserve you. I completely understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I get it if you don't even want to work together anymore." You directed your gaze to Hotch. " I shouldn't have done any of the things I did. I was unprofessional, irresponsible, and childish. I understand if you both want me out of the BAU."

"That's ridiculous. You're a fine agent. You just have attitude problems. You have no control over your temper, you are manipulative, and deceiving. You are clearly a bad friend-"

Reid interrupted. "That's too far, Hotch. You're a great friend, Y/N. You just... get a little out of hand sometimes."

Here were two men telling you to control yourself. Isn't this exactly what you got in trouble for in El Paso? You wanted to yell at them, but then you'd be right back to where you were 15 minutes ago.

"I am sorry for what I've done to the both of you. Reid, I never meant to hurt you. I love you, do you know that?" He smiled and nodded. "Hotch, this should never have gone as far as it did. It's over now. I swear."

"Good, I'm glad to see you're being professional. Take a week off. Get yourself together," Hotch said.

You stood up and placed a hand on Reid's shoulder. He put a hand on your cheek and brushed away a remaining tear. You left, ignoring the stares from your team members as you exited the building.

------

On your first day at home, you decided to stay in and watch movies. You let the pressures of the morning drift away and melted into your couch. You ordered take-out from a Chinese restaurant down the street, walking there in an oversized tee and sweatpants. Your hair was pulled up into a bun, and you had slipped sneakers on with no socks. Nobody was going to see you anyways, other than the cashier at the restaurant. 

As you opened the door, a familiar face caught your eye. 

"Y/N! What are you doing here?" JJ asked.

"JJ... hi," you replied. This was the last thing you wanted. Out of all members on the team, JJ was your least favorite. You never had a real reason, other than being jealous of her perfect blond hair.

"So," she began, "Today was..."

"Yeah," you nodded in agreement. "It got a little crazy."

"I'd say. But, I mean hey, at least you've got a week off! That's a week more than the rest of us."

You moved up towards the register, paid for your food, took the bag, and turned around. "Well, it's not really a vacation. I've got a lot of self reflecting to do."