Constantly Rejected- Hotch x Reader

A Change in Perspective

"Are you lying to me again?" you asked.

"No, of course I'm not lying. Why would I be lying?" Hotch said defensively. 

"Oh, I don't know, Aaron. You have been so sensitive and irritable any time I've tried to talk about Spencer. You know what I think, Hotch? I think you are either a) lying to me, b) harboring some sort of jealousy that is completely unwarranted, or c) not over Haley yet, and just want to ruin this relationship with me just like you did with her."

"Are you profiling me?" he asked. "You know you're not allowed to do that."

"We're not at work. It doesn't apply. Now, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or are we going to sit in unproductive silence at dinner?"

________________________

Spencer's Perspective: 3 months after Y/N arrived at the BAU.

I looked over at Y/N. Her hair fell perfectly, framing her face in incomparable beauty. Her eyes focused diligently on the file in front of her. We had just returned from a case earlier that day- it was easily solved, but for every easy case there comes an unnecessary amount of paperwork. Luckily, I always finish quickly. I would offer to do Y/N's paperwork for her, but my monstrous handwriting looks nothing like hers. Her pen moved swiftly across the paper, gliding as she recounted her view of a heinous crime. I longed to be the pen, to be held safely in her kind and gentle hands. Protected from the world in a warm hug. I thought about how the pen's only job was to write about terrible things until there was nothing left in it. Then it would be replaced and forgotten about. Maybe I was more like the pen than I thought I was.

It hadn't taken much effort on her part or mine for me to fall completely in love with Y/N. She was perfect in every way, plus she liked me. Somehow, she had taken to me quickly after she arrived at the BAU. She always asked me for help navigating the building, help on filling out paperwork, and even help getting to learn the other team members. Sometimes, she would ask if I wanted to go see a movie with her, or if we wanted to get lunch together. 

I had always hoped that she felt the same way about me that I did about her. I thought that if that was true, then I was lucky beyond any means. I always wondered why she chose to spend time with me instead of the girls in our unit, or even with Morgan. Derek was clearly superior to me in almost every way. He was better looking, stronger, and way smoother than I ever could be. But I was smarter. Maybe that was what Y/N was into. If she liked me for my brains, then I would never curse my "gift" again.

The night before, Y/N had invited me over for a Star Wars "marathon." I say "marathon" because she only wanted to watch the new trilogy. Though they're my personal least favorite because of the sporadic plot line and inaccuracies, I didn't dare say no. I purposely went in my favorite Caltech sweater. I planned to leave it there for her to keep. At least there would be a part of me with her, even if we weren't actually together. 

She looked up from her file and saw me staring at her. "Oh, Spence!" she said happily. "You left your sweater at my house! I brought it back for you."

"I want you to keep it," I replied. I really hoped that didn't come off too creepy. 

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I insist."

She smiled contently and resumed her paperwork. I took the journal from my bag and opened up to the bookmarked page. Of course, my whole life I have felt like a nerd. A 187 IQ does that to you. But never in my life have I ever felt more nerdy than when remembering what I had written in this journal. Along the top margin, my messy handwriting read: