Weak (skins uk)

16

Effy was now in the hospital to get therapy. Her therapist rubbed me the wrong way though, I didn't like him. Effy and Freddie have not talked since that day. I kind of felt bad and he didn't ask me anything, he stayed home and nobody really heard from him.

Today I was going to visit eff again. Once I got there she was sitting in the balcony, I went over and sat next to her smiling. "Hey eff, how are you?" "Fine..better," she says smiling at me with her blue eyes. She looked soft different from her usual dark vibe. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "What's going on with you?" "Nothing much, just hanging with ems or cook but he's been acting weird lately," I say frowning. "Weird how?" She asked. "Idk I think he's effected by your situation he's been zoning out a bit and paying less attention to me you know..." I say looking down. "Tell him to close his eyes and imagine it never happened. Then everything will be better," effy states looking off into the distance. I look at her confused, "that's not how it works eff, it did happen and we have to deal with it..and where'd you learn that from ?" "My therapist..he makes bad memories go away," she says looking down at her fingers. She pulls at the sweater that I could tell was Freddie's. I knew something was up with him. I didn't want him teaching her that. "I've got to go eff, I'll see you tomorrow," I say hugging her and placing a kiss on her forehead. She smiles at me as I walk away heading to naomi's place. Naomi answered the door with weed blowing in my face. "Woah...how much have you guys been smoking?" Naomi shrugs then cook pushes past her and lifts me up by my legs, "AYY babe where've you been?" "I was visiting eff.." I say landing a kiss on his lips. He puts me down his face turning a bit red. Did he still love effy? "Anyway where is ems?" I ask sitting on the couch. "I'll go get her," Naomi says walking up the stairs. cook sits next to me putting my legs on his lap and playing with my hair. "I love you to bits you know?" "I know..and I love you too," I say smiling up at him. He smiles back. Suddenly my mind took me to Freddie, I missed him and I was hoping he was smiling. Why was I thinking about him ? I think I still loved him. "Hey what's up lovers?" Emily says sitting down across from us. "Emily can we talk outside?" I say standing up. Cook looks at me with concern and Naomi just sits there awkwardly. "Sure..."she says waking outside with me. Once we get outside I take the spliff I had in my pocket and light it. "Okay first before we talk how are you and Naomi?" I asked. Emily puts her hair behind her ear, "idk..I'm still angry with her and I've kind of sort of have a friend now she's like pretty and we might have been flirting.." Emily says confusing me with her choice of words. "What? What do you mean 'friend'. Don't tell me you cheated on her again," I say inhaling the smoke. "NO..of course not. I didn't not want to though..but I didn't. I'm just confused you know, things have been really weird and she has been taking my mind of it," he says stealing the spliff from my hands and taking a drag. "Enough about this..what's up with you ?" Emily asks. "Uh..I think I still love Freddie.." I say with my head down. "You should tell him this time..just to clear the air between you too." I look at her confused, "um..Are you alright? I expected you to say 'not again you need to get over him'?" "Look you clearly can't get over him, and I know you're dating cook and he's with effy sort of but at least talk to him," she says handing me the spliff back. I nod and make my way to Freddie's house. Before I get up to his door I notice him coming outside the he sees me, "Lana? What are you doing here I was just...coming round to you.." I walked up close to him trying not to look into his beautiful eyes and get caught up, "oh..I was coming round to see you too. I.." "Can I y'all first?"he says cutting me off. I nod and look up at him finally he looked like he had gone through it but not bad..he could never look bad. "I owe you an apology Lana..you were always there for me and I kind of just played with your feelings. I didn't mean to hurt you I just..love effy a lot and I love you as well..it was difficult for me and.." I suddenly cut him off realizing what he said, "you love me?" Freddie look down like he hadn't meant to say that out loud, "I don't think we should discuss that right now but just know I'm sorry for everything, I think you deserve better." I smiled at him, "Freddie it's alright, and I was actually coming here to say the same thing.." "to say sorry? For what?" He asks. "No to say..." I looked down because it wasn't the right time like he said. I looked up again and he was looking into my eyes I had to turn away or I'd melt into the ground below me, but I couldn't because I got lost in his eyes. "Freddie come- oh hey Lana!" Karen says peeking out of the door. Me and Freddie turn around. "Hey! How you been?" I asked going to give her a hug. "Good..and you? I'm sorry about your sister I hope she's doing okay." "Yeah she is..I think. Well I should go cook is probably wondering where I ran off too.." I say looking down. "Cook?" Karen says confused. I just looked at her gulping a bit then I waved goodbye to them both. As I walked away I could feel Freddie staring at me.

Once I got back to the house JJ and some random girl with a baby were in the living room. "Woah who's this?" I ask. "Where did you run off too?" Cook asks looking up at me. "I just..went to um..talk to Freddie I needed to tell him how eff is doing..," I say awkwardly. He gives me a fake smile. I know he was worried about me, but the thing is..I was worried about him. " hey Lana this is my girlfriend Laura..Laura this is Lana," jj says smiling. I wave at her and she waves back. I was pretty closed off to new people so I wasn't being as friendly. "So you have a baby?" I ask. "Yeah.." she says awkwardly. Everyone else was just sitting around not speaking. "So I wanted you to meet naom's and Emily cause their really fun..," jj says. "Right," Laura says. "So Laura..how old is it?" Naomi asks putting a joint in her mouth. "He's nine months," she responded as Naomi lit the joint. "Um..would you mind not, you know smoking your spliff," Laura says. "Oh shit sorry.."Naomi says putting it out. "I'm such a tit," Naomi adds chuckling. "Tell me about it," Emily then says. Naomi looks up at her with a sad kind of face. I look at Emily and shake my head. "An-way, after we ran into Emily the other night I thought why not just come down," JJ states. Naomi raised her eyebrows, "have you? Have you already met?" "Yeah..it was a coincidence," Emily answers scratching her head. "Yeah you were with that nice.."jj goes on but Emily cuts him off. "Jj..will you go look at my politics course work?" "I don't do politics," jj laughs. "Yeah..just come look okay," Emily says standing up and rushing upstairs. I looked at Emily then at Naomi. I really couldn't stand them like this..I needed to figure out more of what's going on with Emily. I got up and went up the stairs after them. Emily sat on the bed breathing heavily. "What's going on?" I ask. "Nothing," Emily quickly defends. Jj laughs and continues to wait for her to tell us. "Nothing....NOTHING OK?" "Are you? If you're cheating.." jj says sitting next to Emily. "I just like Mandy..nothing's happened," she says. "Because that would be bad, ems." Emily laughs and looks at us both, "you think I wanna get into another relationship?" "Relationships suck.." she adds. I sit next her grabbing her hand, "no they don't ems you just got to find the right person and figure shit out..love is more powerful than you know." "Yeah because you've firgued love out right? You're in love with someone who isn't your boyfriend, and I think your boyfriend is using you to get over your sister.. your relationship doesn't seem to be going well. And that's because they really fucking suck," Emily blurts out. Jj looks shocked and I just stare at her, why'd she just do that for? I got up with tears in my eyes. "Lana wait, I'm sorry I didn't mean to.." Emily yells but I continue walking out. I walk out all the way till I run out the door, cook follows me asking what's wrong. "Everything is shit..it's all shit!" "Hey..calm down everything isn't shit," cook says grabbing me into a hug. I started to think about everything that has been hurting me and more tears started coming. I let myself drown in his arms. Cook was always such a good supporter when I was sad, that was part of why I love him. I did love him..but I loved Freddie still and this was all too much. "Cook I can't handle it.." I say through the tears. "Handle what?" "All this..this is too much I can't handle it..I'm too weak I can't, I can't—I can't," I say crying louder and louder. "Yes you can Lana..and I'll do whatever it takes because I love you. You're not going to do anything stupid promise me that," cook says holding me tighter. "I don't know if I can pr.." I say but he cuts me off again, "Promise me." "I..promise."