Weak (skins uk)

17

Today effy gets out of the hospital and I was worried. I knew she wasn't getting the right treatment. Tony has promised us he would be here in the next two days. I think we needed him more than ever right now.

After me and mom picked effy up we were all quiet in the car. As we arrived at the house we followed effy to her room. She looked and felt different like she wasn't really there. "I cleaned up in here," mum says. "Here I got your favorite bear," I say handing her the giraffe she loved as a child. She held it and Freddie's sweater close. "Mom can you give us a minute," I say to her. She nods and walks out. "Effy..Everything is gonna be okay..I promise," I say smiling. She smiles back at me and then heads to a white board writing out her entire life. "Freddie misses you," I say to her. "I know," she responds filling in his name on the chart. "I'm gonna go see him," she says softly. "Good..I'm going to see cook," I say getting up.

I went to Naomi's house kind of scared of what happened there last. Emily opened the door and looked like she had been crying. "L..," she says. "L I didn't mean what I said..I'm sorry it's just all fucked up," Emily rambles. "I know..," I say walking towards her and giving her a hug. Then cook comes from the back without a shirt on. "What are you doing here so early," cook asks coming to kiss me. "We need to talk," I say  taking his hand to the couch. "I need to be honest with you and I haven't.." "me either," he responds looking down. "I still love Freddie..I think I'll love him forever and I hate that I will but I don't know how to stop it. But I love you I love you so much that it never feels right when I'm with Freddie. You see, effy and Freddie are meant for eachother and so are you and me," I say smiling. He smiles back almost tearing up. I never seen that. "Holy shit you're crying right now. You love me," I chuckle. Cook wipes his tear and laughs, "no there's something in my eye." "Sure," I eye him and then go sit on his lap giving him a kiss. "I wanted to tell you the exact same thing. But none of it matters now because we're happy..happy together." I smile at him staring into his green eyes. Me and cook then started making out passionately. He put his hand down my thigh causing me to remember that one night. "Remember that night when we had sex for the first time.." I laugh. "Oh yeah..that was fun. Do you want to do it again sometime mate?" "Of course. I'd kill for a spliff too. Got any?" He takes a joint from his pocket and hands it to me. I take a lighter from mine and set it on fire. "This really takes the load off," I say sighing. "Yeah definitely does." Me and cook sat there in silence for a while just taking turns with the spliff. "Okay this is freaky. Everyone is fucked up beyond, we haven't had a good time in how long? Who are we? What are we posh's?" I blurt out. "Yeah that is true," cook responds. "Everything's just boring. At least if I'm gonna go through shit I'll need to have a good time yeah?" I get up and grab cook. We head upstairs to fetch Emily and Naomi. "Lesbians were going out cmon!" I yell. They eventually come out the door dressed and ready to go. We then gathered everyone else and went to the pub. "We need a little bit of fixing," I say standing up at the table. "things have been fucked up lately but a couple of wanks, drinks, and spliff's will do the trick yeah?" I say. "Have you gone off the rails?" Katie asks. "No Katie just living while I still can," I say keeping my self harm in my mind. "Cmon guys.. cheer up," cook says drinking his pint. I sit down on his lap and he holds my waist. "She's right," Freddie says smiling at me. I smiled back but I didn't look into his eyes. I had to be careful to not fall into them. "Okay," Emily says taking a shot. We all cheered and started taking shots. I watched as effy sat there she looked more alone than ever. "Cmon eff have one..," I say nudging her. Effy looked at me saying no. "When has effy ever denied a drink?" Cook said. Effy took a long blink and then stood up. "Your all great, your all great people..but..I think..I think I'm finished. I think I had enough," she says. What was she on about. "What are you talking about eff?" Freddie asked. "You have to make sacrifices freds. To get the stuff you want," effy goes on. "I don't understand," he responds. "I'm in a different place now. We all are, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," she says starting to tear up. I looked at cook and he gave me a nervous look. "So what are you saying," freddie asked worried. "I'm saying goodbye..I have to." She says now crying. "Effy please.." I say trying to fix things. "To everyone? To me?"freddie scoffs. "Yeah, to everyone..to you," she says grabbing her coat and leaving. "Eff wait," I say running after her. She stood outside of the pub in the rain. "I don't belong in there," she said to me. "Effy. You can't leave freddie like this again. He loves you. This isn't you eff I know it." "I've changed," she says frowning. "No you've been manipulated. Can't you see?" I scoff. "Piss off L.." she says walking away. I didn't want to chase after her. This was all because of stupid John t. Cook then comes out and watches as effy walks down the street in the rain. "What's up with her?" He asked. "She's not effy..John t manipulated her," I say as my heart beats faster. "He did something to my fucking sister. It hasn't even gotten bad yet but it's going to. I can't I can't I can't," I say putting my hands on my head and breathing heavily again. "Hey hey calm down. It's alright it's alright," cook says grabbing me into his chest. My breathes began to ease and he took me back inside with the others.

The next day me and mom were at the house cleaning. Effy was somewhere maybe at therapy with that stupid stupid therapist. "Mom I don't like John t," I say softly. "Why?" She responds washing the dishes. "Because he..he changed her. He didn't help her he manipulated her," I say just before the door bell rings. I go and open the door to see freddie. "Where's she?" He asked. "She should be back soon," I say. He sits at the table waiting for her like he always did. Soon effy came in the door. "What are you doing here?" She says folding her arms. "I want an explanation," Freddie says. Me and mom walk out the kitchen but I stay at the stairs ease dropping. "Freddie.." "do you know what you've done to me? You're dumping me with no reason at all," Freddie scoffs. "I had reasons.." she says but leaving the reason out of the sentence. "And if the urge to tell me if any of them occurs then please let me know. Or did JOHN steal your sole as well as your past?" He says the words I would exactly have said. Effy watched freddie with glassy eyes. "The night before you dumped me you told me that you loved me." "I know." Effy says darkly. "So look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me now," Freddie says. She doesn't say anything but freddie goes in for a kiss. She then pushes him off after a few seconds, "Don't do that. I went crazy when I was with you.. I can't let that happen again. Love's not supposed to do that you made me go mad," she yells. "You're making me mad now..effy, and that's exactly what loves supposed to do." Freddie scoffs. He then walks out the door leaving effy to cry. Before I walk in I watch effy close her eyes and then smile to herself. It was scary almost like she had been taken over. I walked towards her and she jumped up suprised. "So I guess John did steal you sole," I say folding my arms. "You we're watching us," effy asks angrily. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you're not you anymore. CANT YOU FUCKING SEE THAT?" "John is helping me," she says looking down. "NO HES NOT!" I yell. Our mom comes running down the stairs and breaks us apart. "That's enough. Lana don't you think she's been through enough? Just go upstairs alright?" She says. I roll my eyes and lock myself in my room. I called cook in my cell, "cook she's loosing it." "I think she needs to get a new therapist man," he responded. "Yeah I know but I can't just do that if effy doesn't want to. It's like he stole her sole or something," I say. "That's scary. Look cmon to Thomas's flat. You need some time away from all this at least for a night," he said softly. "Alright I'll be on my way," I say hanging up the phone. I get changed and head to Thomas's flat. "Hey baby," cook says opening the door with a drink in his hand. I smile and kiss him. I walk in and everyone else was there except Freddie. I don't think he was in the mood to party. I went and sat next to Emily. "I feel like we haven't spoken in 2 weeks," I chuckle. "I know..I'm sorry about eff, I know it's hurting you," she says grabbing my hand. "It's alright I say putting my head on her shoulder as we held hands. I missed Emily. I really needed her now.

After a couple of drinks and joints I was officially gone. Me and Emily were laughing at eachother and talking about anything that came to our mind. "Babe you alright?" Cook asks me. "Yes I'm fine," I say laughing with Emily. "You sure?" He asked again. I got up and tried to walk but I almost fell. "Maybe she should drink some water," Emily chuckled. Cook can't and grabbed my waist and brought me to the kitchen. He gave me a glass of water and I chugged it down. My mind started to ease a bit and become more sober. Cook stared at me for a good five minutes as I played with my lighter. "You're so beautiful Lana," he said randomly. I looked up at him and smiled, "woah are you drunk too." "Nope not at all," he said. I continued to play with my lighter as things were fuzzy. "Hey you probably shouldn't do that while drunk you might burn yourself," cook says grabbing it. "So? Sid used to do this all the time so I wanna do it too," I say taking it back. "Who the fucks Sid?" Cook asks. "Oh..just a lovely boy. He was Tony's best mate and I sort of had a crush on him," I blurted out. My mouth moved before my mind could tell me to stop. "..oh," cook says confused as hell.. "We should go home now," I said to him. He nodded and took me in the car.

By the time we got home I had sobered up a little bit more. "Cook can we not speak about the sid thing..it's just I didn't mean to.." "got it," he said realizing what I meant. I smiled at him and gave him a kiss goodbye then went into my house.