What I Meant

Entry no. 14: Meaning

I just don't understand.

I don't understand how I could just let you go.

Then again, you were never mine to begin with, though you wanted to be, I didn't know.

You don't know how hard it is.

But you do.

Its like I was running.

I was runnning from everything, anything, sprinting past barriers, and getting lost and confused like I was in a maze.

I know, I had straight As', was admitted to 4 top colleges already.

So, how was I lost?

It wasn't like I didn't know what to do with my life.

I knew I was going to be a scientist, a marinenbiologist, or a doctor, but if all else fails, a singer.

But that wasn't why. I was lost and confused about you.

I felt like I was running away from you.

I didn't know how to stop running, beacause I thought I would fall flat on my face, and have to recieve a constant haunting reminder that it was too good to be true and that I fell in too deep.

But what if I could handle the deep end.

I knew how to swim, but I also knew how to cage things in, hide my heart, hide it in the shadows so it can't be broken.

But if you had access, I was afraid I'd fall, that it would shatter to a million pieces, that it could never heal again.

I thought that if I had so many laughs and smiles, I'd get an equal amount of cries and cracks.

I was scared. I didn't know how to open my heart, without the fear of it being able to break.

If only I knew.

I didn't mean for things to go distant.

Maybe there is no meaning in this whole mess that I made.

But I feel like you gave me meaning.

It means something.

What's it?

You, you meant something.

"How many cracks does it take for my heart to finally shatter?"

-A

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Comment, vote, follow :)