flower boy | seungjin

30

Being back at his old home sends nervous waves of nostalgia through Hyunjin's bones, although at times he's not sure if the memories are positive or negative - they all seem to blend into one. He feels Seungmin slip their hands together. Of course, he knows there's no meaning behind it, only a way of comforting him as his heart pounds dramatically inside his chest. 

Hyunjin isn't oblivious to the glares from Lee Minho - the boy his brother disappeared with all that time ago - and how full of pure hatred they are. He doesn't blame him. As for Jisung, he seems unsure of how to react to seeing Hyunjin. At times, Hyunjin notices his apprehensive gaze and trembling fingers when he hands him a drink, which hits the older like a bullet to the heart.

I hate this, Hyunjin says to himself, after Jisung reluctantly sits next to him on the sofa, putting as much distance as he can between them without it looking awkward. 

Jisung clears his throat. "Why are you here Hyunjin?"

"Well, we... we haven't spoken in a while," he mutters, biting his lip and staring at the ground. For a second, he feels his younger brother's eyes on the side of his head, but he refuses to look up. 

Jisung sighs, leaning farther back into the sofa, arms crossed over his body. "We both know you've never cared about that."

Hyunjin doesn't deny it. "I came because I owe you an apology... even if you don't take it, I needed to talk to you in person." He wraps his fingers around his glass of cold water, just hoping to God he doesn't drop it. His hair falls over his eyes, and he aches to brush it away again but refuses to loosen his grip on the glass. "And I don't even know where to start because let's face it, an apology is only a fraction of what I should do before you can even consider forgiving me, but-"

"Hyunjin," Jisung interrupts. Hyunjin's voice dies out immediately. "I'm happy you came back... I don't know why but I actually am. But you're only here for a few weeks. And while I'd love to say yes, we can start over right now and all is good in the world... I can't. You realise that, don't you?"

Hyunjin nods. 

Jisung moves an inch closer to him, slowly reaching out and touching his shoulder. "But maybe if you stayed..." he says, "-and moved back home, we could work something out."

Home. Hyunjin hasn't been accustomed to the idea of having a 'home' for a long time. His apartment with his mother definitely wasn't home, and when he lived with Jeno, then Nancy, then Jaehyun, he had no right to call those places his home. 

But here, Jisung is offering him it. A chance to feel at home again. And maybe in time, have a family. Perhaps after a lot of work, but for this Hyunjin would be willing to take it. But still, he thinks, what about Seungmin? And Jae and Younghyun? Haven't they become your family these past months?

"I think.... I think I'd like that," he smiles faintly. "But please give me a while to think about it. By the way, where's Dad?"

Jisung's leg still after minutes of continuous tapping, his breath audibly catches and his eyes droop. "He... he died a few months ago."

Hyunjin quickly places the glass down on the coffee table, his hands suddenly shaking. "What?" he utters. "H-how?"

"He had a heart attack. We were watching TV and it just happened."

Soul sinking, Hyunjin fights to keep his composure. "Fuck..." he breathes. 

"I would've told you," Jisung says apologetically. "But you changed your phone number."

Hyunjin screws his eyes shut. God, why did he do that? He didn't even need a new one, he just changed it for the fucking sake of it. And because of that, he's come home oblivious to the missing presence in his childhood home. He never got the chance to see his Dad, who probably passed believing his son is this stuck up, pretentious and arrogant brat who doesn't give a shit about him.