there isnt enough soulmate frerard fanfics so i made one

20, 21, 22

Hello people.

I am screaming internally.

I can't fall back asleep and it's 5am

Help.

Anyway I will supply hugs and blankets rn.

And

This will be the last compound chapter

20: confusion and monsters (frank)

This gets... dark

~2 days later~

Gerard avoids me yesterday. Doesn't try to talk to me. Doesn't look at me. When he does, he looks... Slightly scared or Nervous?

I don't blame him.

I'd avoid me too.

I hope he can forget about me.

I hurt him. He didn't deserve it. I would say something to him, but every time I try lately, I just remember what he said.

Then I don't want to anymore. I say things I regret out of impulse. I fucking hate it.

I hate myself.

I hate him.

I hate all my friends.

I hate my father.

But I don't, I care about all of them...

Except my dad, and myself.

I want the confusion to stop.

Distractions, there are unhealthy ones, but I'll stick to music and youtube.

I still could care less if I died, I kinda want to die.

Anyway, back to my relationships with life.

Alexis, she's pretty sure, I like her, but I feel like shit around her. Around her I feel stressed and angry and sad. I like her, but I don't like how I feel around her, there's rarely a good emotion.

The feelings don't go away immediately. When I leave I still feel like that.

I don't know, I really fucking like her. She's pretty, she's sweet, nice, kind, but it feels weird.

Phil, I guess, I ask to talk to him after class. I feel safe. He has a sense of safety around him and it's nice, like your dad protecting you or an older sibling protecting you.

"Hi" he says.

"Hi," I pause, "you're like the counselor of the grade right?" I ask.

"Yeah, I won't tell anyone about what you say."

I nod. "Um, part of me wants to trust Gerard, the other part doesn't, that part wants him to leave me alone, never talk to me again, and now, I don't know what to do. "

"What do you want?" He asks.

"I want him to be my friend again, but when I go to talk to him, I fuck up, I say shit I don't mean, I regret it, he hates me, he didn't look at me today, I don't blame him but it still hurts and I don't want to hurt him, I'd do anything to not hurt him..."

He nods, "Why do you think he hates you?"

I shrug, "despite what he said, he tried, I was starting to believe that I wasn't a game, when he didn't attempt to talk to me, that was my only hope he actually still cared, that he didn't hate me... when I realized what I said... I'd hate me too"

"What did he say?" He asks.

"it was a text, but he basically, said I was a slut, a worthless asshole, some other things... I think what I said was worse..."