The Aftermath (Merlin)

Chapter Twenty-Three: A Royal Promise

That night, Arthur made a promise to Merlin: he would help the boy the best he could to understand these nightmares and to try and find some way to stop them. The King refused to believe that his friend was a lost cause, which was something the Warlock was adamantly insisting he was. The boy wasn't at all pleased with the Arthur's interference and wished he would leave things be, Merlin knew that the blonde could do nothing of any significance to help and yet even still part of him was still relieved and happy that his friend wanted to help him. As the King thought about how he would help the boy he had also made the Raven promise to never drink that poisonous remedy again.

"I don't want you going near the stuff again, do you understand me?"

Merlin just looked blankly at his King, as if questioning the man in front of him's sanity.

"I mean it, I'm not going to loose you to some blasted concoction."

The boy was touched by his friends words of care but he could not make such a promise "I can't do that Arthur, I understand you want to help, but I can't go back into that dreadful place. I won't."

Disappointment spread over Arthur's face, Merlin quickly picked up on this and decided to continue. "You don't know what it's like, It's as if there's a darkness in my soul that I'm dragged deep into when I sleep. Theres no escape, no windows nor doors, just fire and..."

Arthur tilted his head, this was the first time his friend had explained his dream and he wanted to know everything "...and..?"

"Theres people with me, in the room I mean, at least I think they're people, they're cloaked and I can't see their faces, but every time they come closer to me everything just gets worse. The fire intensifies and soon enough I'm being burnt alive" Merlin looks down at his knees which are covered with his blanket "I know it's not real, but I can feel the flames burn into my every cell, tissue and fibre of my being". At this point the boy looks back up to his friend, tears forming in his eyes, "And it hurts" It was only now the boy realised that his hands were involuntarily shaking whether that be a consequence of the dream or because of his withdrawals from the remedy he did not know. "I know you're only trying to help me Arthur but what you ask is too much, I can't go back there, I just can't."

The King felt gut wrenchingly sick, Merlin's words hurt him like a knife, not that he was offended or anything like that, no, it hurt knowing that he was going through so much pain. "I'm sorry for what is happening to you Merlin, truly I am. And I'm not going to pretend to understand your pain" Arthur took Merlin's still shaking hands in his "But you can't continue like this, I know it hurts, but you'll die if we don't do something."

The boy let out a sigh almost laughing as he did so, he couldn't die: he was immortal, damned to walk the earth for all eternity, that's why when he said the following words it held no real meaning for him "Maybe everyone's better off that way"

"How can you say that" Arthur's voice was broken, he couldn't believe the words that came out his friends mouth.

"I've fulfilled all I was meant to do in this life, this pain, this suffering, it is all meaningless, I have nothing else to live for, you and Camelot are safe, my role here is done."

"Merlin" the King began, his words still dripping in pain, "You can't think like this, you have saved everyone time and time again, you may have lost part of yourself in the process, but now that we are free, now that we are in peace, this is the time for you to be happy, to find what is missing, to find yourself again. You have protected me all these years, you gave me strength when I had none, you gave me advice when I was scared, you stood by me when no one else would, but most of all: you gave me hope when all was lost. Now I will do the same for you."