Killer One ✓

Chapter 38

Travis.

I raised a hand to block the sun from hitting my eyes as I stood in the grass and stared at Finn. My other hand was rubbing my sternum, trying to get rid of the itch that I knew wasn't a result of my cotton t-shirt irritating my skin.

It was the same itch that had started after the car accident and followed us the rest of the way home. We got a hotel that night and drove the rest of the way home in the morning. I didn't remember most of the drive. Lacey and Ben had talked a lot. I took some pictures.

The burning in my chest started as a small ember, coaxed to life from the anxiety that fell upon me as soon as I swerved right into a tree, almost taking out Lacey. It was raining and I hadn't been paying enough attention to the road.

The moments after the crash lived in my memory in splotches, not all clear, not all there. They said I was talking about how I was going to wind up killing them both. It was true. I was a hazard. I needed to be wrapped in caution tape while Lacey and Ben wrapped themselves in bubble wrap.

They also said I was talking about the stars. I hated the night. I hated looking up at the sky and feeling so insignificant. I hated the stars because the first time I really looked at them, I was on my back, bleeding from my first gunshot wound.

It could've been worse. That's what I kept telling myself.

It could have been worse.

No matter how many times I repeated the line, it didn't make me feel any better about the damage I could've caused her. It didn't make me any less upset at my wavering attention. I shouldn't have let that even happen. It wasn't that complicated driving down a straight road.

Her car wasn't really damaged. There were some scratches on it but that could be repainted. We were alive and safe. Alive. Safe. It could have been worse. Yet the desire to find pills burned like a flame in my chest because then I could forget, I could relax, I could be fine and even if I wasn't, I wouldn't care.

We arrived back home yesterday. Hannah had done a too up close and personal check up on all of us while Annabeth looked at Lacey's car. Annabeth hadn't said anything negative to me, but she gave me the stink eye when I came out to ask how bad the damage was. I couldn't tell if she was mad about me getting into a crash in the first place or the scratches on the car. I decided not to ask.

Now, Lacey was running along the edge of the farm for fun because that was the type of ludacris things she liked to do on a regular basis. She asked if I wanted to join and I just stared at her. My ankle still hurt, my arm still felt a little bit out of sorts, and there was an inferno in my chest. But I didn't tell her any of that because more importantly, I didn't want to run. It was tiring and stupid and I would rather walk blindfolded around Melkin than go running for leisure.

Instead of doing that bullshit, I was standing outside the dilapidated barn nearest to the house. Hannah and Annabeth were here with me, but the two of them were standing near the other corner of the barn a good distance away from where I was. It wasn't intentional. At least, I didn't think so.

Hannah looked nervous with her hands and arms folded around each other like a pretzel, held close to her chest. Annabeth looked unconcerned with her hands on her hips.

The barn was crumbling, with planks of wood missing and the paint on the wood that hadn't fallen off was peeling with great determination. One door was off the hinges and the other only sort of worked. The barn had a loft that was accessible through a rickety ladder. The loft led to a ledge that came out of the triangular peek of the roof. There may have been a door but it was long gone and when we looked earlier, we couldn't find it. I didn't exactly know why someone would steal the upper story door of a barn but that was their business. There was also no railing or balcony of any sort. The ledge came out two or three feet and then there was only wide open air.