katy | l.h

sixteen

month 4

There was only one person left who could help me decide about the move to London.

Leah.

I hadn't been to the coffee shop in a few days, so I haven't seen her at all.

-

I approached the coffee shop, looking at the entrance which had a sign on it. I pulled my earphones out before stuffing them in my pocket. I couldn't believe it. The sign read,

'UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT AND SOON TO BE UNDER CONSTRUCTION'

My heart dropped.

"Shocking, right?" A voice spoke from behind me. I turned around to see a guy who I had seen in the shop a little while back.

"Yeah" I said quietly. "Do you know where she is... uh, Leah?" I asked hesitantly.

He shook his head, "not exactly. She's travelling, with her new husband. I guess she decided to move on from this place, I mean, you have to let it go at some point, right?" He said, looking up at the building. He looked at me slowly, "I'm Jacob," he smiled.

"I'm Katy," I said quietly, before quickly leaving without a goodbye.

That's where Luke and I met, and it's where I spent most of my days at.

I guess you have to let go of this at some point.

***

month 5

I've been in London for three weeks so far. It's incredible. It's constantly busy, full of cars and various modes of transport. I can't drive, so I have no choice but to walk everywhere. The busyness of London is what makes London, London, in my opinion. Everywhere you look, there's people, and it just makes it all the more interesting. Walking to and from places isn't so bad. Luckily, my apartment is just around the corner from the Publisher building. Speaking of which - it is also incredible. Just as amazing as I had pictured it. Everyone is so well spoken and is so honest and open. I get to read many work of others, and I am still in the process of writing my own novel. It's such a great experience, and I am thankful for this opportunity. Lorraine is wonderful, she is twenty four, living with her fiancé, and is one of the best editors and pubishers around, apparently. She was very welcoming and provided me with a perfect apartment.

I hadn't spoken to Luke since the day we broke up, although he has tried calling me many times, but not once have I picked up. It's time I moved on. I just hope that next time I meet someone I don't fall so easily, because I always end up hurt in the end.

It's crazy, how one moment you can be the happiest you have ever been, with the person you love most, and then the next you feel so empty, so hurt and unprotected because you're not longer in their arms. You no longer feel that sense of safety. You hear their voice, but it's just in your head. And it's sad, how he was such a big part of my life, in the sense that everything I did revolved around him and all of my thoughts were consumed by him. He came into my life, made me feel whole, promised me the world and more and made me smile with good morning texts and late night calls. The way he smiled at me, gave me hope, made me feel as if I was worth something, as if I was worth being loved again, even after before.

But now?

He's still there. He's everywhere I look, everything I hear. On the radio, in newspapers, billboards, everywhere.

I cry myself to sleep every night, regretting the decision I made about having our "talk." I regret not fighting to keep us together, but maybe it was for the best.

Maybe it was all my fault? What if I pushed him?

I guess my biggest mistake was thinking he could fix me. He swore he'd never leave, hr swore he'd never hurt me, but saw me drown in my sadness as he walked away. He replaced that missing piece of me, but took it back straight away when he left. Maybe that's what we all do - we take a piece of the people who love us, with us, as a little reminder for when we leave them to drown.

I just think that the hardest part of losing him, is learning to live without his angelic laugh ringing in my eyes, or his beautiful smile brightening my day or the feeling of his touch on my skin and the conversations we had while he was on tour which always reminded me that he was thinking about me, despite the lack of his presence.

At some point, I will have moved on, and I know that. But right now, as I lay here in my bed at 3am, I can't help but miss him.

This is different to how it was with Ashton. Because when he left, it was without any sense of closure, and for two years, I was stuck. I was trapped inside this bubble of mine that I didn't even know existed and clung onto any bit of hope that he would come back to me. But, with Luke, we had that closure, and we did what we thought would be best for us both. His lifestyle is a hectic mess, a good mess, whereas mine is yet to begin.