I hadn't seen Kat in over a year since the night I'd made her feel unwanted by everyone, making her feel like I wanted her to leave but I honestly just want to see her again even if it meant she wasn't happy to see me. She'd moved to the southern part of California with Patrick a few months later, and we'd all had a few brief conversations with her since then but nothing was the same now without her presence here. "Jax we got a letter from Kat, thought we'd wait for you since it had your name on it." Opie said as I came into the clubhouse. "Oh shit, let's open it hopefully its good news." I smirked trying to be happy but internally I was shaking. As soon as I opened it my heart sank, and I couldn't help sink back into my seat seeing engagement pictures of her and Patrick with wedding invitations for everyone.
"Fuck, she's getting married?! Oh I'm so happy for her!" My mom said elated with a beaming smile. "Yeah, it's really great she's happy." I said trying my best to sound like I had any happiness about seeing the woman I was still in love with getting married to someone that wasn't me. "Kat?! Baby I'm so happy for you, congratulations to you and Patrick we can't wait to see you get married!" My mom said into her phone, putting it on speaker phone so everyone could talk to her. "We're having the wedding in Charming! I couldn't help but want to do it there where you guys are, I miss you guys so much!" She said back sounding close to tears. "When are you going to be here?" My mom asked excitedly. "We're on our way right now, the first stop will be to see you guys I promise!" She said back before they said their goodbyes.
I had to walk away to compose myself, not wanting to make a scene in front of everyone so happy for her. "Ya alright Jacky boy?" Chibs asked seeing me sitting in the garage. "Yeah man, I'm fine nothing to worry about." I told him nonchalantly. Shortly after I heard the roar of her engine pulling into the lot, feeling a nervousness coming over me as soon as I saw her walking across the lot to everyone greeting her with open arms. "Hey babe, how're you?" I asked coming over to hug her, holding on for a little too long. "I'm good sweetheart, how are you?" Kat asked still holding me tightly. "I'm good." I smiled back at her, taking in her appearance dressed in exactly what I expected. "I missed you, missed you so fucking much." I told her honestly.
"I missed you alot too, and all the chaos you bring." She replied stroking my cheek in a way I wasn't used to, a less loving a more sisterly way. "Let's go have a drink, celebrate you guys!" Bobby said ushering them into the clubhouse. After sitting around talking to everyone for a few hours, Kat made her way over to me sitting in the meeting room not in the mood to celebrate. "You alright?" She asked sitting on the table in front of me. "Yeah, I'm just regretting alot of things right now babe." I told her holding her hand. "No regrets Teller, I'm still here and I always will be." She smiled squeezing my hand. "I've just spent so much time daydreaming I was with you, it's bitter sweet cause you look so happy. I've loved you since we were only children, is this too much? I just want to be honest with you." I told her looking into her teary eyes. "No of course not, we've always been honest with eachother. I'm just sorry you're the one that's hurting in this situation." She said wiping tears from her cheeks.
"I wish I'd told you all the things I didn't, because you look beautiful with a wedding ring. I'm not sure I even know lately but I know I'd still do anything for you. I just can't help wishing that was my ring and not Patrick's, but I have to understand that you're elsewhere." I said wiping my own tears with my hand. "I'd do anything for you too babe, I wish that you'd told me all the things you never did. But you'll always be in my life and I'm sorry it's not in the way you wanted it to be, but I'll always have a big place in my heart for you. And I never wanted to cause you any harm." Kat said getting up to hold me as I cried at the loss of her. "Congratulations Kat!" Tig came in immediately stopping in his tracks seeing us. "Sorry man, I didn't realize you were having a moment." He said awkwardly. "No you're fine, just having a little heart to heart." Kat said wiping her face again.
After a few minutes she stood pulling me with her, leading us back to everyone giving Patrick shot, after shot. "Getting drunk baby?" Kat said kissing the side of his head. "No I'm..." He started but seeing her face made him stop. "God babygirl, are you ok? You've been crying." He told her standing to pulling her into his lap. "I'm just a little sad baby, I'm ok you keep having fun." She told him holding him tightly, making me want to grab her and be the one that was consoling her, the one wiping her tears and making her feel better. "I can't have fun when I know you're upset, come on let's go talk for a second." He told her carrying her outside. "What was that in there?" Tig asked in front of everyone. "Just talking to her, telling her how I felt about everything. She didn't seem that upset when we walked out, I know I fucked up again." I said trying my hardest to not cry in front of everyone. Not being able to keep it in anymore I finally let it out, letting the tears fall not caring anymore that they would all see me. "You've got to let her go man, she's happy so just be try to be happy for her even if you aren't." Opie said hugging me.
"Sorry guys I just didn't think I didn't have another chance, now she's getting married and I can't fucking believe Katia's not ever going to be mine. This is a mistake I can't undo but somethings don't go as planned." I said pulling myself together. Drying the rest of the tears as I heard them coming back in, I tried to put on a happy exterior for her. "Sorry guys, I just got a little overwhelmed. I'm good now, let's fucking celebrate!" Kat said, Patrick holding her waist tightly. "Hey Jax, can I talk to for a minute man?" He asked coming over to me looking concerned. "Yeah man." I told him walking outside with him. "Look I know you've still got this immense love for Kat, like you're definitely still in love with her. I just want you to know that I understand, I'm not trying to fight with you or start an argument. I promise you that I'd never get in the way if I ever got the feeling she wanted to be with you, but all this is alot for me knowing that the woman I'm in love with and I have every intention of marrying is being pulled in two different directions." He told me offering me a cigarette as we sat on top of the picnic table.
"No I know you're not trying to fight with me, I'd feel the same way if I loved someone that I knew had another person waiting to take my place. I'm letting her go, I've let her go I'm just having a hard time with all the things that were left unsaid. Regretting alot of how things went down with our relationship, just wondering what things would have been like if that ring on her finger was mine." I told him taking the smoke into my lungs. "I just want her to be happy, and even if wasn't with me I'd still try to be ok with it. I want her to always have you in her life, and I just want you to know I'm never going to get in between that. Kat needs you and I'm completely OK with that, I just can't take the pull on her anymore. When she's laying next to me, but she's somewhere else wondering if you're ok and it breaks my heart feeling her so torn all the time." He told me just as I saw Kat standing there with a sad look on her face.
"Baby how long have you been standing there?" Patrick asked motioning for her to come to him. "Long enough, I just hate myself for making both of you feel hurt by anything I did. I'm so in love with you Pat, you've got my heart and I'm sorry if I ever feel a little too far away. And Jax I love you too, but that love is different now that I have Patrick. I'm so sorry and I hope you don't hate me." She said holding onto him crying again. "I could never hate you babe, you've never given me any reason to stop needing you in my life even though it's different now." I said kissing her forehead. "Come on guys let's just be happy that you both still have me in your life, and celebrate finally!" Kat said trying to relieve some of the tension with her sarcasm. "Really man, congratulations you've got the best girl I know. You're a lucky, lucky fucker." I said hugging Patrick with a smile. "I really do, and I'm happy you guys can go back to being best friends and leave this weird tension behind you." He chuckled hugging me back. "I love you so much babygirl." He told her holding her tightly. I finally didn't feel like I wanted to hurt him, I felt more at peace with Kat being with him knowing he genuinely loved her. I'd just have to be happy for them even when I didn't want to let go, but knowing in my heart I'd have to move on from her.
