You can think you've got everything figured out, then all of a sudden it feels as if your entire life is disintegrating beneath your very feet. Emotions are a curious thing like that, especially when you've been through hell your entire life. Kat knew the highs and lows, the ebs and flows all too well in her short life of 25 years. Tormented by her past and the faces of people she'd never see again, not in this life at least.
Lying on the concrete balcony of her house as the rain came down hard against her pale skin, the rain was always something that brought her comfort and today she needed it. Jax had been gone for a few weeks on a run and she couldn't bring herself to call and bother him with her onslaught of sadness today. It was nearly 2 in the morning when he'd arrived home fully expecting her to be sat on the couch watching something most couldn't stomach. But he was met with a dark house and no sign of her, curious he went to see if Kat had fallen asleep at a decent time.
What he was met with almost brought him to his knees, the love of his life laid on the concrete outside as sobs wracked her small body. Knowing how she could get sometimes with all the trauma of her past, sadly watching her from a distance as she struggled against the thoughts in her head. "Oh, pretty girl." Jax whispered close to tears. Removing his kutte and sneakers, leaving him in only his white tshirt and jeans making his way to provide some sort of solace.
Kat noticed him approaching her wiping the tears from her face and trying to act as if she hadn't been a mess only a second ago. "Shh, it's alright pretty girl let it out." Jax smiled through the tears brimming his own eyes. Pulling her to lay next to him letting her rest her head on his shoulder, both staring up at the stormy sky above them. Stroking her soaking wet hair from her face as she silently cried, never wanting any company in her weakest moments.
"You can go inside, I'll be right behind you." Kat said with a shake in her voice. "No, I'm staying right here with you baby girl. I'm not going anywhere if you aren't there with me." Jax replied crying now too. He could feel the anguish from just the touch of her skin, it radiating off of her in crippling waves. "You want to talk about it?" He asked looking over at her. "No, I couldn't bother you with everything going on with me." She replied with glassy eyes and a look of complete pain on her face still aimed at the sky.
"I'm fucking shattered Jax, why do you still want to be anywhere near me?" Kat asked after a long silence with an anger in her voice, he could tell was directed at herself. "Katja, you are not shattered only broken." Jax stated kissing her tattooed knuckles one by one. "What's the fucking difference? There isn't a future with someone like me, I'm too fucked up in the head." She whispered with sigh. "The difference is that broken can be put back together, you're still here and breathing baby. Shattered means you're already gone, or given up on yourself and I know you haven't. Not yet." He told her holding her face in his hands.
Cradling her against his chest as she gripped his shirt like it was her life line, still sobbing into the crook of his neck. "Let it out baby girl, I'm right here." Rocking her back and forth in his arms. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'll thank God for you everyday for the rest of my days." Kat told him trying her hardest to compose herself. "For the rest of our lives, you'll be the best thing that has ever happened to me." Jax whispered against her neck. Both completely soaked and crying as they held each other for dear life, feeling the weight lifting from her now.
"How about we take a hot bath, watch some shitty TV and I'll hold you?" Jax asked. Only shaking her head in confirmation that she'd heard him, letting him pick her up and carry her into the bathroom. After taking a long bath and Jax picking a trash television show Kat still hadn't said a word, only resting her back against his chest as his knees rested near her hips. "It'll get better baby girl, and whenever you need to please call me." He told her gently massaging her shoulders.
"Next time, maybe." She replied very monotone and emotionless. "No Kat, you'll call me next time something you can't handle on your own happens. Please, just promise me." Jax said feeling that pit in his stomach again. "I promise." She replied sticking her pinky out. The small gesture made him smile, Kat had always told him since day one 'you can never break a pinky promise'. "There she is, you're coming back to me." He smiled kissing her lips gently.
Not very long after they'd began getting into the reason she'd been so sad Jax's phone started ringing, ignoring it at first but when the calls showed no sign of stopping he relented. "No, you've got it figured out I'm busy right now. Kat takes prominence over you guys right now, I can't leave her alone again." Jax stated matter of factly. Hanging up he smiled down at the small woman who had his heart, finally relaxing from the pain she'd been feeling for hours.
"You know if you've got to leave, that's not my place to make you stay." Kat said placing a kiss to his chest. "No, I'm right here with you baby." He smiled pulling her to lay on top of his body. What he'd learned from the year he'd been with Kat was that sometimes the club has to take a back seat, neglecting past relationships had gotten him nowhere and he wasn't going to do it with Kat. "Thank you for being here." She whispered against his skin. "I'd do anything for you, you're the most important thing I have." He replied kissing the top of her head. "I love you more than you'll ever know Jax." Kat smiled, a actual smile this time. "I love you so much pretty girl, you're everything to me." Jax smiled holding her tightly against him.
