Love Rivalry (A Gabriel Landeskog and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins Fanfiction)

Chapter 21 - Normalcy

Ashley's POV

 January 18th 

Our flight back from Burnaby was long and silent. These last few days have been almost unbearable. Well, for myself. I couldn't begin to imagine what was going through Ryan's mind. 

He's barely slept, he's been desolate, and he won't talk about any of it. I don't blame him either. This week has been so difficult for him. The wake two days ago, and the funeral yesterday. Ryan could barely handle it. A couple of Ryan's teammates, including Taylor, Jordan, and Natalie flew in for the funeral before having to go back to Edmonton. Ryan has sat out of the last 2 games against the Jets and the Sharks, both of which were losses. 

More than anything that worried me was Ryan's refusal to be emotional in front of anyone. Most guys didn't like to get upset in public, in front of the people they love. It's embarrassing for them, I guess. At the wake, while Ryan and I, along with Adam and Roger, were greeting people that had come to pay their respects, Ryan told me that he would be back momentarily. I quietly followed him out to the parlor so he wouldn't notice me. He walked outside out towards the back of the funeral home, and sat down on a bench. He broke down moments later. 

Ryan didn't dare let me see him cry. Ryan, like most guys, had this thing in his head. That no matter what, he would stay strong for me. He wouldn't let things get to him. But this was different. I wanted to run over to Ryan and hold him while he let everything out, but I couldn't. It's not what Ryan would have wanted. He sat outside for a good five minutes before he collected himself and walked back inside. 

At the funeral, Ryan spoke about his mother. As he got further in, he would get choked up and would try to play it off like he was ok. But he wasn't. He was mentally hurting. Never had I seen Ryan so lost, so unsure of what to do. It seemed like, more than anything, Ryan was vulnerable. 

In the middle of all of this, Ryan was told that he was named an NHL All-Star, and would be drafted to a team that would be captained by Chicago Blackhawk Jonathan Toews, or Columbus Blue Jacket Nick Foligno. Ryan was honored, and he was excited, but the events of the previous days trumped his happiness. 

The boys had one more game before the All-Star break, against the Capitals. Ryan needed hockey. He needed to get all of the horrible events from the past week off his mind and focus on hockey. He wasn't even sure if he was going to play in the All-Star game, given his current mental state. I hoped that all of this would be pushed to the back of his mind, having to play tonight. 

We arrived back in Edmonton at around 1:30. When Taylor came in to attend the funeral, he took my car keys so that when Ryan and I came back, we only had to drive Ryan's truck back. After a quick drive, we were back at the boys house. I was happy to be home. I wanted everything to go back to normal. I wanted all of it to be okay.

But normalcy was going to take a while. And that return to normalcy depended on Ryan. It depended on how long the healing process was, and by the looks of it, normalcy wasn't happening in the coming days. 

We walked back in and the boys and Natalie were all in the kitchen. It had only been two days since we saw everyone, but I missed all of them. 

"Hi, Ashley!" Natalie called, running over to me giving me a hug. 

"Hi, Nat! I'm so happy to see you again." I said. 

I greeted Jordan and Taylor made conversation. It was the first time in hours that Ryan had spoke, responding to questions with short answers. His voice was soft and quiet. His voice came with pain, every word being difficult to enunciate. He was mentally drained. 

I spent the last few nights worrying about him. He'd always leave for a good fifteen minutes from our hotel room. He was being beaten emotionally, and he had to sit and take it. It wouldn't go away for a while. 

Taylor recommended that Ryan head to the rink early, to try and get back what he lost physically in the past few days. Taylor told Ryan he would join him for a dry land workout, and then just hang out at the rink until game time. I didn't like the idea. I wanted to comfort Ryan. To be with him. To love him. To care for him when he needs me most. But when you date a hockey player, love often gets put on hold, especially when you are expected to perform at the levels that Ryan is expected to play at. 

Ryan and Taylor left, and Jordan followed suit a few hours later. Natalie and I decided to stay home and have a girls night, and with everything that has happened over the last few days, Nat knew I needed one. 

We ate dinner, which Nat had kindly prepared, and talked during the pre-game. 

"So, how's Ryan? Is he getting better?" Natalie questioned. 

"He's getting a little better, but his mind is shot. I hope that he can take everything off his mind for the game tonight." 

"I hope so too. I've never seen him like this. He's like a whole different person." I winced at the last part. Ryan was a different person. He wasn't the Ryan that I know, or that any of us know. I wanted that Ryan back. I wanted my Ryan back. 

***

The boys ended up winning 3-2, a good way to go into the All-Star break. The boys got home about an hour after the game had ended. Jordan and Taylor celebrated by having a couple beers and discussing the game. Ryan walked right through the kitchen upstairs. He didn't even stop walking from when he came in the door. 

I got off the couch and followed him into his room. 

"Ryan?" I peeked into the door way, seeing Ryan changing out of his suit, his back to the door.

"Yea?" He quietly answered, still facing away from me. 

"Aren't you going to go celebrated with the boys?"

"No." The lone word that came out. I didn't know how to carry on this conversation. Ryan was clearly still shaken, victory or not. 

"Are you going to bed?" I asked.

"Yea." He sighed, still not turning to face me. 

"Ok, well, I'll be up soon."

"Ok." Another one word answer. I sighed quietly and left the doorway, heading back downstairs and plopping down on the couch. I laid down and watched SportsCenter, struggling to stay awake. Taylor sat down at my feet.

"He hasn't come back yet, has he?" Taylor questioned.

"No, he hasn't. I'm getting worried." 

"He'll come back around soon enough. Maybe, if he does decide to go to Columbus for the All-Star weekend, he'll be able to work past it." 

"I hope you're right, Taylor." 

"Me too. I'm gonna turn in, are you staying down here?"

Yea, just for a little while, then I'll head up myself."

"Ok, night, Ashley."

"Goodnight, Taylor."

Taylor got up and left, leaving me to myself.  I was trying to stay awake, but I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, as I fell asleep, and I automatically felt a difference. I wasn't comfortable without being in Ryan's arms. 

Author's Note

Hey guys, sorry if this chapter is a bit short, but writing in the next part would have made the chapter too long, so I broke it up into two parts. I want to have the next chapter out as soon as possible. Also, I'm working on an update for my Andrew Shaw fanfic. I know I haven't updated it since November, but I've had a hard time getting into a groove to write it. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and thanks for your comments, votes, and reading!