Warning: panic-attacks
Requested by: me
Rikiel is a huge comfort character for me and today i really needed to write something to feel better. Those past few days have been rough and i get less and less time for writing. But I'm still working my way through the requests, dont you worry ;-)
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What?
What was happening? Why was this happening?
It was clear that you'd fucked up somewhere along the way. But where was it? Where did you get things messed up? How? And most importantly why were you so goddamn dumb to do it?!
You gulped, staring down at the letter before you. What were you supposed to do now? Why hasn't anyone ever told you stuff like this happens? What were you going to do? No one has ever told you that you could fuck up your whole life if you didn't get better grades. In fact, no one has ever told you what you were supposed to do. Were you even doing this the right way?
You could feel your fingers and hands growing colder and colder with each passing second. No no no no! The last thing you needed right now was to stress or panic. This wasn't going to be good. Not at all. Shit, you could feel sweat forming on them. Awkwardly letting go of the letter you rubbed your palms against your pants, getting rid of the sweat and heating them up in the process. There we go. There was nothing to panic about. All if good. You weren't even panicking before that! It was just... your hands got tired from holding the piece of paper – yes that was it, that was totally it.
Looking around, you failed to notice where exactly you dropped the letter. You needed it after all. Wait, you didn't get it lost already right? This would be so so dumb to do. You went around the sofa and table, looking around. Where on earth was it? You had to show it to your friend. He would surely ask about it. He needed to know damn it! And you've lost it.
Was he even going to react good to it? After all, it was yet another rejection letter from a university. Your last chance. The last university you'd applied for. You'd failed so many times before, why would he even react good with that news? You'd failed once again. Why was he still your friend? Had he ever wondered that too?
A low noise ripped from your lips as you tried to push those thoughts out of your head and stop yourself from overthinking. 'He doesn't need to find you in yet another panic attack. Calm down.' You kept repeating to yourself. He had similar problems; he didn't need to bother with you anyway.
You decided to give up on the letter and instead sat down on the sofa. Only to hear something make a noise from below you. Reaching to take the thing, you found out it was actually-
"Oh... there it is." You muttered to yourself as you looked over the letter once again. it was the same as before. The same awful words written on it, staring back right at you. The paper stood lifelessly in your hands. You couldn't take off your eyes off it; off the awful word "rejected". What now?
How were you expected to proceed in life? If you didn't go to university, there was almost to way of having a decent job. And you couldn't always rely on your only friend for help. Surely, he was getting rather bored of your inability to bring money into this household. And you had to get some kind of job.
Rikiel had his problems. And you were always there for him when he needed. Be it a mental problem or a physical one. Either way you were always there. And that goes around too. Whenever you needed help, he was always there to do so. Just like a few months back, when you were kicked out of your own home, Rikiel was there, ready to take you in. Even if he didn't have a lot, it was clear to see he did it from love.
He had offered you food and shelter, going as far as to let you live with him. He truly was the best you could ask for. The sweetest person ever. And how do you repay him for his hospitality and kindness? You fail to get a job. You even fail to get a place at university. What kind of idiot do you have to be to do that?!
As if that wasn't enough, you kept stressing. And what did any of that lead to? Forcing him to actually calm you down and waste his time on you. God, how could this happen? Why was this happening to you? out of all the people on this green wide earth, why you?
At last Rikiel would be here fo... wait. Oh no. Oh, God no- what if he's finally had it? What if this is the final straw? What if the last time you received a rejection letter, he said to himself he was going to give up on you? Jesus, he should be home very soon. How were you going to explain yourself? He was surely going to get rid of you now, no point in thinking differently. This was your last chance and you've completely wasted it!
What were you going to do without a friend? Without someone close to you? Your breaths came out shallowly, while you tried to stop this train of thought. This was getting out of hand. You had to stop yourself. Why were there tears in your eyes? There was definitely nothing to cry about! And why were your hands so shaky and cold? You just needed to rub your eyes a little, nothing to be too worried about!
The sound of a door opening stopped those wild thoughts. Now your thoughts were as silent as a desert, instead of the loud almost-shouts a few seconds ago. Oh no, he was home. He didn't need to see you like this again. He didn't need to see you do worked up once again, only to waste his time on you.
But before you had any time to calm down whatsoever, the soft footsteps approached and soon enough Rikiel appeared at the entrance of the room. You didn't have the power to look at him.
"(Y/N) ...?" Within a second, the man was beside you, already wrapping his slender arms around your slightly shaking form. As soon as his arms made contact with you, you broke down, clinging to him like he was some kind of a life-saver. Rikiel wasn't surprised – it wasn't the first time he'd found you in this state.
"(Y/N) ... what happened? Was it another letter?" his voice was low, but soothing enough. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat before looking up at him.
"You... Y-you won't get rid of me, right? You wouldn't leave me out on the streets if I failed again, would you?"
A small sad smile appeared on his face. His hand gently brushed away the remaining tears from your face before speaking up.
"Of course, I wouldn't. I love you, (Y/N). Why would I ever want to lose the closest person to me?"
A low noise left your mouth, tears already running down your cheeks again. You buried your face on his chest once again, holding him close. He wanted you to stay. He wanted you here, no matter what. All is well.
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