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It had been three days since the run. Daryl and I had went to find some supplies and got attacked by a heard. We made it home safely but something about it scared me. I didn't feel myself and he knew it.
There was a moment. A moment where we got separated and I was still fighting through the herd, not being able to be by his side or see him. I was surrounded and so was he. We eventually beat them with no bites.
After our victory, I pulled him into a hug, so glad he was okay. He looked at me in a way I knew what it meant. He wanted to kiss me. He didn't, instead he just looked down and let go of the embrace. "We need to go."
There was no one there, and we just did our best defending ourselves; what was the rush? I couldn't keep waiting for him to tell me his feelings and waste time. In this life, we don't know when we could die.
I was upset that he couldn't just tell me his feelings even though I already felt then in our conversations, the way he looks at me. I feel it. I just hoped he would tell me.
When we got back to Alexandria, I didn't even say anything and just went to clean myself up. He needed to know I was mad. Mad he couldn't just tell me, he has to know it's mutual and he had the perfect opportunity.
Later that night, as I laid in bed, all I could think about was the moment I thought something happened to him and I was stranded, alone. I knew I couldn't keep living this way, wondering, and I needed to start living as if it was my last day on earth.
I wanted to start living my life, not just surviving.
I tossed and turned in bed and decided to go see him. Put my ego aside and tell him myself. I slipped my shoes on and headed downstairs. I opened the front door and walked off the porch. Daryl was sitting on the steps of the house. My guess was waiting for me or getting the courage to come up himself.
I stopped in my tracks and he turned towards me.
He didn't say a word. He just gave me a look, the look he gives me from time to time and I know means something.
"One of my biggest fears is that i'll die without someone knowing my true soul. Or my thoughts. Or understand the real me." he continues to stare at me as I talk.
"The thing is, you're the only one who understands all of that. You know exactly what I mean without me saying it; you always know when something is wrong or right; you protect me; you check on me; you care about me. I know you do. I see it with my eyes and feel it with my heart." A tear falls from my eye. "I know you do because I feel the same way about you. Look, all I know is that I love you. I can't go on anymore without telling you,"
He looks down and smiles. "Took you long enough." He tries to hide a smirk.
"What?"
He stands up and cups my face, looking me in the eye. "You're the only one who understands me the way I understand you. You've always been mine, since the first day I met you, you just didn't know it yet. I knew that one day there would be more. I've never got this feeling with anyone and that's how I knew. I only want you and it's always been that way."
He looks down at my lips and pulls me in, connecting them for the first time.
We had both waited for this moment and it was worth it. I've never felt this connection with anyone.
He pulls away, " I do love you. I always have. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it and say it. I'm not good with this stuff. I've never felt this way about anyone before."
I smiled. "Me either. We have to learn together, and I think we're doing good so far."
He laughed and kissed me on the forehead. "I've waited so long for you. you don't even know."
I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tightly.
This was where I was suppose to be. living. not just surviving.
