Open Heart {Under Revision}

Interlude- Ethan

Chaos was a puzzle.

Puzzles were deviants in dynamical systems, appearing randomly at any point and often took you by surprise. They were the irregularities in your planned progression— ungoverned and such wonderful, sporadic prospects waiting to be solved. If you figured that puzzle, you figured your way out of chaos. It would then be absorbed into your contrivance, hardly a misfire anymore.

But then there were my colleagues.

I stood outside my office, witnessing the most disastrous display of aesthetical arrangement in my career. An archetypical reaction would be firing the culprits for tainting this superlative environment but that was a luxury I dared not to enact—not unless risking to gain even tardier doctors as replacements. But after nearly two years being a part of Diagnostics Team, I was growing wary.

My team members were often spared for their sluggish attitudes due to severe demands from work. The world became different the moment anyone entered inside this department's shed, and so did time. There was no rest or instance of hesitations when you worked on a case, firing your brain to make right diagnosis. Hiccups were dangerous. Second guessing was accepted and extreme indulgence was encouraged. Unruliness was not.

And my team members flirted dangerously close on spectrum of bawdy hominines despite having pertinence to their titles.

It was then I realized that I remained stuck near entrance, wasting precious seconds pondering on matters that'd recur— much sooner in fact since I was leaving this place in mercy of this whimsical troupe. Heaven forbid the wreckage I'd find upon returning.

The flight was tomorrow, and I had a night to scrimp in department to systemize at least a quarter of current pending matters. My priority remained to make sure my team avoided leeching-spiels of administration. Lately, they've been concocting unethical disposes to take in 'special cases' in order to keep their coffers steaming. The minimal charge which my department took from patients often created indigestions in their beveled legislation.

I scowled. Was it really me, first feruling my colleagues and then ebbing thoughts on administrative clodhoppers instead of focusing on my task? My team was messy but they were best in their fields—a perfect group. Then why...

Because you are trying to think anything but what happened here few days ago. The moment when resistance became futile. Became a chaos you couldn't handle.

Grounding my jaw, I made way through heaps of discarded diagnosis notes and stopped right by table to start arranging. But in my mind, I fought.

"No." I refuted softly.

I'd not wander in that direction. Not let my resolve lose its inhibition. Everything functioned better when you had control over your emotions. They could make you strong...but sometimes, they were deadly.

But she's different....better. You know it. Accept it.

I stilled from reaching a file and right then, my thoughts began to drift away. Again.

For a moment, I saw a pair of innocent but fierce eyes, euphony of brown and green—lifelike, thwarting me. A rarity had ever done that before. And I never saw that coming either. Never planned but that completely shook my world— a response that emerged due to unearthing a primal part of me which demanded no retrains plays. Demanded to control no long but claim...

"No." I muttered louder this time, "That cannot happen again."

It was a slip from my part. I could accept that. Nothing else.

I projected my thoughts on Edenbrook.

After concluding my residency here, I never expected to come back. Of course, the goal to be a part of an eminent team led by my medical hero lingered, but it got backtracked when I decided to get recruited in army. And then those two years were wondrous, gripping and so undaunted...and yet in end, everything turned into ashes of regret. I have pledged to not look back.