The Art of Moving On ♡ Yoongi ff

mother figure

I woke up with dried tears stuck to my face, as beautiful of a memory that is, it hurts. Remembering the sadness in her eyes, and the sadness I felt for her..it hurts. 
I don't think I've had an actual dream since she died, only memories. They play over and over and over. Ten years of memories, how can I stop them? 
Some good, some bad, some just..soul crushing.. 
But they all end the same. 
She dies. 
I wake up in tears. 
But I'm supposed to move on? 
How? 

I can drink from a new mug
I can move her stuff
I can clean
I can put my keys and shoes in different places
I can say her name
I can talk about her

But it doesn't erase the pain. 
It doesn't erase the torment.
The memories that eat away at me every fucking day. 

"Breathe baby, relax" I rubbed her back as we sat on the bathroom floor together, another night where all she could do was throw up and cry 
"Yoongi, I can't" she sobbed as her body lurched and she dry heaved 
"I know, I know, it's okay" 
She cried and hugged the toilet while I tried to soothe her
"Here baby, drink some water" 
"No" she shook her head and sobbed again "I'll just throw it up"
"Please just try, it might help" 
She smacked the glass from my hands, it shattered on the floor, the water splashed everywhere forming a puddle around the broken glass 
"I'm sorry" she whispered and cried harder before throwing up again 
"It's okay" I shook my head and wiped a tear from my cheek "it's okay" 

A knock on the door pulled me away from my thoughts while I was cooking the dinner for everyone, I washed my hands and opened the front door
"Hey" she smiled "I grabbed some beer, and wine" 

"Awesome, thank you" I smiled and let her into the house "how was my class this morning?"

"Uhggh" she groaned as she sat down at my kitchen table "that Park guy..I swear" she shook her head and I chuckled as I went back to cooking "he gave us an essay to do, we have two days to hand it in to you and it's all about the origins of get this...you ready?"

"Yeah" I nodded and looked up at her 

"The fucking flute. The flute? The origins of a fucking flute!?" 

I laughed at her distress as she slouched in her chair 
"Okay, I'll admit that's a bit odd. Not something I would do, and not even close to what I had on the syllabus"

"Exactly!!!" 

"I'll fix it when I go back tomorrow" I laughed "I'll cancel it or call it extra credit or something" 

"Oh thank god!" 

"He's probably just fucking with me and unfortunately you guys are the ones that have to suffer" 

She rolled her eyes and took off her glasses before laying her head down on the table 

"How was the rest of your classes?"

"Not bad" she mumbled "art is my favorite, the teacher basically tells us what techniques he'd like to see and then we have creative freedom from there" 

"Ehh..don't get used to it" I shook my head "Tae does that to figure out where his students are individually and then he'll crack down" 

"Oh fucking great!!! Are you best friends with all of the teachers!?"

"No" I shook my head and laughed "only Jimin, Tae, and Kook" 

"And that's mister Park, mister Kim, and mister..?"

"Jeon" 

"I don't have him at all, what does he teach?"

"You won't believe me" I laughed and shook my head "that soft emotional idiot you met? He teaches physics and neuroscience"