The Art of Moving On ♡ Yoongi ff

Labels

"I'm sorry we didn't have the first date I wanted to give you"

"Yoongi, it was amazing. I love your friends, and seeing baby Emily made my entire day" 

"I'm glad you feel that way"

"Yoongi, I like you. I don't care if we sit in silence in your living room. Just being around you makes me feel good" 

"Just being around you makes me feel better" 

"I appreciate that" I smiled as I pulled into my driveway "do you want to come in? I'll make us something to eat" 

"Sounds perfect" she smiled as she pushed her glasses up

"I have the stuff to make chicken parm? I don't really have anything to make as a side though" 

"Just the chicken parm is good enough for me" 

I started cooking while she sat at the table going through her phone 
"So..can I ask what had you so bothered yesterday?"

"Just thinking about Emily.. not every memory is one I want to keep" 

She nodded "that's understandable. I'm sure it was rough" 

"More than anyone could understand unless they've lived through it. Cancer is just.." I looked up at her "I don't even have the right word for it. But it strips everything away from the person going through it and the ones that love them" 
She nodded and lowered her gaze 

"I spent so much time taking care of her, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. She was the love of my life, and for selfish reasons I wanted her to keep fighting. That was wrong on my part. I ignored her pleading to end it all, and go in peace. I made her go through more treatments, more chemo, more radiation..she just got progressively worse to the point where she wanted to end her life with her own hands and blamed me for keeping her here. That's just a lot to swallow sometimes. I try to focus on our positive moments..but that isn't realistic. No relationship is rainbows and butterflies all the time" I shook my head "with or without cancer, there's always some sort of problem. Ours just...wasn't one we could overcome" 

"I'm so sorry Yoongi" 

"It isn't your fault" I went back to cooking, making sure the chicken was prepped before sticking it in the pan to fry "I feel better knowing she's at peace. I just had to deal with it in my own way, I think those moments will haunt me for the rest of my life..but I'm getting better at handling them" 

"You are" she nodded "even in the five short months we've known each other, I've noticed a huge difference between when we met and where you are now" 

"I talk to her every night..is that weird?"

"No" she smiled and shook her head "it isn't weird at all" 

"I told her I was taking you out on a date..and that we kissed" I blushed "I think she'd be proud of me" 

"I'm sure she would" I felt her wrap her arms around me from behind and bury her face into my back "you know I don't want to replace her right? Like..if we end up exploring this.. I don't want to take her spot in your heart, or mind, I would never ask you to do that" 

"Honestly.. I know" I smiled and patted her arm "I know you wouldn't, just like I don't want to take Jason's spot in your life" 

"We can carry the both of them with us" 

"Exactly" 

"It feels less wrong looking at it that way doesn't it?"

"It does" I nodded "thank you Amelia"