The Art of Moving On ♡ Yoongi ff

a new freedom

Me: I fucked up. I offered to stay at her house for the night because it's the 3rd anniversary since Jason died. I fucking dreamt of her while we were sitting together 🤦🏻‍♂️
Hobi: I had sex with your grandmom once 
Me: what..
Hobi: still horny? 
Me: no but jesus fucking christ that's the best you could give me! My fucking brain hurts man 
Hobi: yeah Jimin just called me an asshole, I just figured I'd help 🤷🏻‍♂️ 
Me: 🖕🏻

"You okay?" She asked as she walked into the kitchen 

"Yeah, I'm alright" I nodded "how are you feeling?"

She chuckled and shook her head "I don't know" she sat down in her chair and crossed her legs "it's hard to put into words.. I feel everything and nothing all at the same time" 

"I can understand that perfectly" I nodded 

"What did you do when you had the anniversary of her death?"

"This year? I starved myself and ended up in the hospital"

"Oh shit..that's right. I'm sorry I forgot" she shook her head 

"It's okay" I shrugged "with the help of you and my other friends I finally realized that I should cut myself some slack, I held up my vows even after she passed. Hobi told me, moving on doesn't have to mean letting her go..that she can still walk beside me while I figure myself out. That helped a lot" 

"For as funny as he is, he does drop some good wisdom doesn't he?" She giggled 

"He does" I nodded 

"Thanks for being here with me tonight" 

"Don't mention it" I waved her off "do you want me to order pizza for dinner?"

"Sure" she nodded "I have some soju and beer too, I think that might help"

"I don't think so" I shook my head "do you really want to be drunk when you're this emotional?"

"You're right" she sighed 

I ordered pizza and we sat back down on the couch together. 
We didn't leave our spots for the rest of the night, just ate pizza and watched more crime documentaries, we hardly talked, but I felt like it was for the best. She needed to grieve and I needed to be there for my friend. 
My misery buddy. 

"You have to promise me you'll live your life, promise me you'll find happiness, and promise me you won't shut down. I love you and you deserve so much happiness Yoongi" 

"I can't promise that, I can't even process the fact that you won't be here. We're supposed to grow old together, we're supposed to raise a family together..how can I do any of that with someone else?" 
"Please Yoongi" she sniffled as she wiped a tear from her face 

She looked like a skeleton as she laid in our bed with an oxygen tube in her nose, her hands holding mine as I cried kneeling on the floor by the bed. 
Her once piercing blue eyes had a hint of grey in them now and looking into them made my heart sink. 

"I love you, so so much. I don't want you to suffer anymore. It hasn't been easy on you to take care of me but not once have you complained, once I'm gone, I want you to find yourself again. I want you to find your happiness"

"You are my happiness" I sobbed "I would take care of you this way for the rest of my life" 

"You can't" she shook her head "look at us, look at me? Is this the quality of life you think we deserve? No. We both deserve so much better" 

"I know you do, I wish I could be better, I wish I could make it better, I wish you weren't sick" 

"You're perfect" she shook her head and started crying again "don't ever wish to be better. You're perfect Yoongi"