The Art of Moving On ♡ Yoongi ff

Torment

She didn't say anything. 

My heart sunk a bit. 

Not that I expected her to say it back, but I was hopeful. We had been together for almost six months, I just told her I quit my job for her, and I confessed my feelings for her. Her silence was deafening as she sat in my lap staring at the floor. 

"Yoongi..I need to tell you something" 
"Okay" 
"I know..we're young, I know people tell us all the time that we're too young..but I love you. I'm in love with you..you don't have to say it back. I just wanted you to know how I feel" 
"Aw baby" I hugged her tight and kissed the top of her head "I love you too. I'm in love with you, and I honestly hope we spend the rest of our lives together" 
"You mean that?" She looked up with her piercing blue eyes watery 
"Of course" I leaned down and pecked her lips softly 

"You don't have to say it back.. I just wanted you to know how I feel" I said softly, the same words Emily said to me more than ten years ago. It's funny, at that time I didn't understand why she told me I didn't have to say it back. It was so easy to say it, it was so easy to fall in love with her. 

But now, sitting here with Amelia in my lap, it makes sense. 
It feels heavy, especially because I know how she feels about Jason, and I never want to replace him in her heart, so if she doesn't feel the same that's okay. 
I have plenty of room, for her and Emily. 
But I got to say goodbye before she died. I knew I would wake up one day and she would be gone. 
Amelia didn't have that with Jason. He was ripped from her before they could even officially start their lives together. 

I rolled over and wrapped my arms around her "good morning my love" I smiled as I kissed her temple, we were under our big comforter, but she felt so cold. I almost didn't question it because she was always cold. But I noticed her oxygen machine was just blowing air into her nose, I could tell she wasn't inhaling and exhaling 
"Baby?" I asked as I reached for her hand, her fingers wouldn't move. 
"Baby?" I rolled her body over, so stiff it wasn't flexible anymore, it was like moving a mannequin
"Oh god" I started to cry, I buried my head in her chest hoping to hear her heartbeat, silence "no, Emily no, please baby, please" I cupped her face and kissed her cold lips "no" I sobbed as I held her "I wasn't ready..I'm not ready.." I sobbed even harder as I held her lifeless body in my arms "Emily..please" I begged as I cried harder than I ever had in my life. "Come back baby, please come back, don't do this" 
I laid there sobbing into her body, my heart shattering into a million pieces as I held onto her cold body. 
I have no idea how long I held onto her, Hoseok came over and heard me sobbing in my room, he opened the door
"Get out! Get the fuck out of our room!" I screamed 
"Yoongi..she..is she.." 
"I said go!" I screamed as I held onto her 
He called the emergency services, I screamed and flailed around as they had to pry me off of her to take her away. I told him I hated him, that he took away the love of my life. I felt like I was drowning in ice water. 

I didn't realize my eyes had started to water until Amelia cupped my face and wiped a tear away with her thumb 
"I love you too" she smiled "I just needed to process the fact that you chose me over your job..I never expected to mean that much to someone..it was a bit overwhelming if I'm being honest" she chuckled "but, if the roles were reversed I would choose you too. I would choose you a million times over Yoongi" she leaned in and kissed my lips as her tears slipped down her face "I love you" she whispered 

"I love you" I said back and kissed her deeply, she tilted her head and wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me in close as our tongues fought for dominance, I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and nibbled on it lightly before releasing it with a small pop. 

She closed her eyes and smiled as I wiped the tears from her face "I love you" I smiled, when she stood up from my lap I stood up as well, I caught her off guard by picking her up and throwing her over my shoulder 

"Yoongi!" She squealed as she gripped onto my shirt, I laughed as I carried her up to my room, she was smacking my ass and yelling at me to put her down, when I made it up to my room I dropped her onto the bed where she laughed and tried covering her face "my glasses fell off on the steps!"

"We'll get them later" I smiled as I crawled onto the bed and hovered over her, she laughed as she cupped my face and kissed my lips, I slid my hands under her shirt giving her chills as my cold hands came into contact with her warm skin "mmm" I hummed as our lips molded together and my hands grazed her nipples 

We've had sex almost every night since the first time. 

I know her body almost as well as I know my own. 

But I still can't get enough. 

Every touch, every moan, every jerk of her body and tremble as she closes her eyes and sings my name at the top of her lungs, the way she looks as she rides me, her hair down past her breasts as she bounces and moans as I grip her pale skin under my nails on her hips trying to appreciate every inch of her skin while she chases her high and uses my body to get there over and over again. 

She hit her third climax and I finally came undone underneath her body, she slouched over and laid her forehead on my chest as she panted "I love you so much" she whispered as she tried to catch her breath

"I love you too" I whispered back as I ran my fingers through her dampened hair and traced my fingers down her spine feeling her sweat under my fingertips and smiled. 

When Emily died I never saw myself feeling this way ever again, holding her in my arms and admiring her fucked out form just before she fell asleep, I felt so full and happy for the first time in a very long time. 

The fear that this was a dream, or that it would end in torment and despair just as it had before swept over me like a wave in a storm. I felt my heart racing in my chest as I tried to fight off the feelings that were trying to rip my skin apart. 

I felt the tears slipping down my face and tried to muffle the sounds that were begging to come up my throat and closed my eyes trying to sleep it away. 

"Good morning my love" I smiled as I kissed her temple, her body felt cold and I ripped the covers off, her body was blue and unmoving
"Amelia?" I shook her "hey, baby wake up" I shook her again and again 
"No, come on baby, don't do this, please wake up! Wake up!" 
"She's gone Yoongs" Emily said as she sat on my bed next to me, she put her hand on my shoulder "it's too late" 
"No, Emmy come on, wake her up, please" I sobbed "please help me wake her up"
"I wish I could baby" she cried as she ran her fingers through my hair "I wanted you to be happy.. I watched over the two of you.." 
"No" I shook my head and covered my face with my hands "no, no, no" I shook my head and gripped my hair in my hands "this isn't real, it's not real. You're dead, you died three years ago, let me go, please! I'm so tired..I don't want to feel like this anymore" 
I held Amelia in my arms and begged her to wake up as I kissed her cold blue lips. 
"I just wanted to be happy, why can't I be happy? How long am I going to have to live like this? Why should I feel this way? I did everything for you!"