Roman: I-I love you!
Virgil: IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL SAY IT IN FRENCH
Roman: Je t'aime!
Virgil: CHINESE
Roman: Wõ ài nî!
Virgil: ...Zulu?
Roman: Ngiyakuthanda!
Virgil: Whoa...
Roman: I'm the most responsible on in this group.
Virgil: You literally just set the kitchen on fire.
Roman: Yes and I take responsibility for it.
Virgil: shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Roman: Uh, sure?
Virgil: thou art hot as fuck
Roman: *blushing* thank-thank you.
Logan: You're sleeping with Roman? Were you dropped on your head as a child?!
Virgil: Bold of you to assume I was held.
Virgil: here's your birthday card
Patton, opening it: aw thanks Kiddo
Patton:
Patton: did you handwrite "ahsdjsksdbsk ily"
Virgil: and i meant every word
Virgil: Sometimes it feels like there's this hollow ache in my chest, like something is missing. And-and when I try and go find it, the hole just gets bigger and bigger and I don't...I don't know what to do.
Logan:
Roman:
Patton:
Virgil: Please. Please just tell me I'm not crazy.
Roman shares a look with Logan, concern clear in his eyes:
Logan, turns back to Virgil:
Patton: You aren't crazy.
Roman: You. Aren't. Crazy.
Logan: And you never will be.
Roman: oh, hey Virgil
Virgil, internally: There he is, he's here, my favourite person in the world, the love of my life. fuck, I just want to stare at him and hold him and kiss him for the rest of my life-
Virgil, out loud: what the FUCK do you want
Virgil: Sometimes I forget how many people I've come across in my life and have followed me on social media. Then I post something and get 100-something likes and I'm like "where the fuck did all you people come from?"
Patton: Surprise! We were in the corner crying
Roman: Remus hasn't stopped staring through the window since the storm started.
Roman: I suppose I should let him in.
Roman: Can you do me a favour?
Virgil: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene and take the blame for you
Roman: Cool. Can you do the dishes?
Virgil: No
Virgil: Any tips for writing a will?Janus: If you hate anyone in your family, leave them one penny, so that way they can't sue you for forgetting them.
Logan: That's stupid, just say 'I leave them nothing.
Janus: No, leave them a penny, it's a bigger fuck you.
Janus: You leave them a note and a map leading to a box hidden in the woods, and inside is one penny.
Logan: Or a bomb. I mean, you hate them, right?
Virgil: Oh, yeah! I'm dead, what'll they do, arrest me?
virgil, at a café: can i get a venti-vanilla latte with uhh, 7 espresso shots?
roman, who's in line behind him: oh my god, just do cocaine
Janus: Do you value your friends? You should.
Janus: Patton: six dollars.
Janus: Remus: two dollars.
Janus: Virgil: negative seven dollars.
Janus: Logan: four dollars.
Janus: Roman: five dollars.
Thomas: Rude, but actually, all of my friends are priceless.
Janus: Yeah, well mine are worth ten dollars collectively.
Logan, at five am: Oh, good morning. didn't know you're an early bird.
Virgil: I'm not, I'm heading to bed now.
Janus: Logan, watch this.
Janus: Remus, I love you.
Remus: When a scientist was studying death, he asked a man who was about to be executed via guillotine to blink for as long as he could after his head was chopped off and he ended up blinking for 30 seconds.
Logan: Disturbingly morbid but interesting.
Janus: Wait for it.
Janus: Remus, eating my monthly meal around you is my way of saying I trust you enough not to hurt me when I'm in such a vulnerable position.
Remus: Love you too, Jannybear!
Logan: What the- HOW?
Janus: Remus has weird ways both accepting and giving love. I have no other explanation for it than, his idea of love is exchanging morbid facts or deep personal secrets.
Thomas: What is considered a punishment as a child but a reward as an adult?
Virgil: Death?
Thomas:
Thomas: No-
[On a date]
Logan: So what's your favourite colour?
Janus: Really? Don't ask me dumb questions.
Logan: How is formic acid prepared in a lab? Give the chemical reactions for it.
Janus:
Janus: My favourite colour is yellow.
Roman, loudly: I liked you first!
Virgil, louder: I confessed first!!
Roman, yelling: FINE BUT I ASKED YOU OUT FIRST!!
Virgil, yelling back: OKAY, BUT I SAID "I LOVE YOU" FIRST!!!
Roman: Tch fine...
Roman, getting down on one knee: I proposed first.
Virgil, through tears: M-motherfucker.
Remus: What would you do if I was kidnapped?
Janus: Nothing. I'd wait for 15 minutes when they'd give you back voluntarily.
*Virgil and Roman having an intense staring contest*
Virgil: *Eyes drying out, but he's trying genuinely hard not to blink.*
Roman: *Having the time of his life staring into Virgil's eyes*
*Roman, taking off his shirt in front of Virgil showing him his many scars*
Virgil, delicately tracing them with his fingertips: what......happened to you
Roman: WELL that one's where I lied down on a lightbulb and THAT one is from running through cornstalks barefoot and THAT one is because I kept scratching a mosquito bite in my sleep and THAT one is from fighting a goose and tHIs is from when I fell through a window in a tickle fight, an-
Virgil: Why does anyone try to fight a goose?
Roman: Sometimes the goose gives you no option
Logan: Can you pass me the salt?Remus: Huh? The what?
Logan: The salt.
Remus: HUH?
Logan: *long suffering sigh*
Logan: The ocean cocaine?
Remus: Yeah sure.
Logan: what's the meaning of life?
Roman: Virgil.
Patton: aww because you love him?
Roman: no. Because life is short.
Virgil, from the other room: I HEARD THAT
Roman: *texting Logan* VIRGIL IS SLEEPING NEXT TO ME AND HE ROLLED OVER AND WAS FEELING AROUND THE BED SO I STUCK MY HAND OUT AND HE GRABBED IT AND HES HOLDING MY HAND WHILE SLEEPING HES SO CUTE FUUCK
Patton: Virgil sees the glass as half empty, I see it as half full. That's why we make a good team!
Patton: Roman, on the other hand, just drinks right out of the bottle.
Patton: Janus wonders why it has to be a glass.
Patton: Logan starts talking about where the metaphor came from
Patton: And Remus usually breaks the glass by putting his feet up on the table.
Roman: Hey Virgie, guess what!
Virgil: *staring straight forward with a blank face* the world is a horrible and terrifying place where every step you take could kill you and/or somebody else
Roman: ...I was gonna say I love you but okay-
Virgil: *looks at him and smiles* aw, I love you too
Patton, drunk, stumbling into the car: Is this everyone?
Janus: Logan took a cab, Virgil is in the trunk and the twins... [checks outside] on the roof.
Janus: How many children do you have?
Patton: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
Computer: Enter new password.
Patton, typing: VirgilComputer: Password too weak.
Patton, holding back tears: say it again, coward
Roman: I will now drink 8 glasses of milk in 3 minutes!
Virgil: Nope! No, you will not. No, you will not because if you do that, you will die.
Logan: No, let him do that.
Patton: Isn't he lactose intolerant?
Logan: That's what makes it interesting.
Hope you enjoyed.
bluebadger19
YOU ARE READING
prinxiety one shots
FanfictionFilled with prinxiety (roman and virgil) one shots but may have hints of all other ships to some extent and of course thomas. There will be no smut but there will be kissing also expect swearing, I won't write a warning for it. I take request so if...
