Tainted

Chapter 44

***

"...the right thing to do would be to kick you out of my bed but for some stupid reason I can't. I want to protect you and keep you safe. I want to make everyone that's ever hurt you suffer until they beg me to kill them. FUCK! You shouldn't be here, Puta. Why the hell did we cross paths? What is the meaning of what I feel for you? I can't be falling for you, not like this. I am not the guy for you"

I hear him speak to himself as I slowly regain consciousness. What's going on? Is he talking about me? He takes a deep breath

"I can't love you. I'm not right for you"

He says and but I can barely hear him as I drift back to being unconscious.

I open my eyes smelling his expensive cologne, I look around and he is no where beside me. Was I dreaming? Did he really say what I think he said last night? It can't be. I try to move but my skin feels as though it's on fire.

"You're awake"

A voice says and I look towards the door, he's walking in wearing a robe

"Morning Puta"

He says walking over to me

"Morning"

***

"I miss him doc, I shouldn't but I do"

I admit honestly

"It's ok to miss him Asante, you only human and he changed your life in a way you never thought possible"

She says and I nod

"Yes but doc he hurt me, why do I miss someone that hurt me intentionally without a gun put to his head? I should hate him and not want anything considering everything he put me through"

I say gritting my teeth angry at myself for being such a fool

"He made me fall in love with him and then he left me. He introduced me into a life I never imagined myself living, how am I expected to just carry on as if nothing happened?"

I say with a sad sigh

"It's normal to be angry, it's ok to be angry Asante but don't allow the anger to consume you. You've come so far with your healing"

She says

"I thought by now I'd be over him, it's been a year and I should be over him but for some reason I can't get over him"

I say with my voice breaking apart and failing me

"When was the last time you went to the club?"

She asks and I shrug

"it's been a week now"

I say and she sighs herself

"We were making progress, what happened?"

she asks

"the pain helps"

I say

"how?"

She asks and I shrug

"I don't know, the physical pain mixed with pleasure subsides the emotional pain"

I say

"Yes but why did you return to that place?"

She asks and I lean back rolling my head back trying to think clearly as to why I would go back to that place where it all began. Her alarm goes off indicating that our time is over