North America Gang

America does a dumb

The trio walked out of the restrooms to see that Ali was missing. Without a moment of hesitation, America called Greenland.

G: Ame-

A: mom I made a terrible mistake Ali's gone someone took him someone stole our alien mom please help-

G: It's ok, I'm already in the parking lot. We'll find him, don't worry

A: ok thanks mom

The trio rushed out to the parking lot and hopped in Greenland's car.

"Ok, who do you think did it?" Greenland asked.

"I've got a sneaking suspicion... but let me call him first," America said. America called North Korea.

NK: who is this?

A: America

NK: how did you get my number

A: how did you kidnap my boy

NK: you don't have evidence of that

A: you don't have evidence against it

NK: I'm blocking your number

A: fair enough, have a nice day

North Korea hung up and looked up at China.

"Crap, they're onto us," North Korea said.

"Onto you maybe. I didn't do anything and am not planning on helping you in anyway," China said. North Korea scoffed.

"You're no fun man. I'm telling you! This is an alien!" North Korea exclaimed.

"He speaks perfect English. With an American accent. You even said that America told you this was one of his cities," China said.

"Oh come on! That is such an obvious lie! There are literally no founding fathers named Ali, and his skin color is 100% face paint!" North Korea exclaimed.

"What, do you know all the names of America's founding fathers?" China asked. North Korea scoffed.

"That's not important right now! What's important is that there is an alien tied up on our couch!" North Korea exclaimed.

"Ok, can you at least give me a reason to believe that that is an alien? Maybe wipe off that supposed face paint?" China asked. North Korea opened his mouth to respond, but suddenly someone broke down his front door.

"FBI! OPEN UP!" America yelled, despite already opening the door.

"HOLY F*CK CHILL DUDE YOU'RE ACTING LIKE I JUST KIDNAPPED YOUR FRIEND OR SOMETHING!" North Korea exclaimed. Mexico threw his shoe at North Korea.

"Pinche pendejo," México spat. America picked up Ali as Mexico was beating up North Korea and Canada was very politely slapping China on the wrist and telling him to take better care of his nuke child. The trio ran out the house with their alien and hopped in their car. They drove away.

"Wow. That was intense," China said.

"Yeah. Good thing I got that all on video," North Korea said.

The quartet and Ali got home and ate their leftover tamales. However, this calmness was short lived, for Greenland got a phone call from UN.

G: UN?

UN: you have an alien in your house, don't you?

G:.... am I in trouble?

UN: I'm hosting an emergency meeting. Bring your new friend. We'll figure out what to do with him

G: fine

Greenland hung up and sighed. He looked at his children.

"Well... we're going to have to bring Ali to the UN building," Greenland said. The trio felt their hearts sink.

"No... what if they hurt him! We can't just hand him to them!" Canada exclaimed. America hugged the alien closely.

"AIN'T NOBODY TOUCHING MY BOY!" America exclaimed.

"Why don't we just run away?! We can go to the other town! We can live with one of our states... or like... cities... that'll work, right?!" Mexico exclaimed.

"No. We have to face this problem head on. Let's hope they don't hurt Ali," Greenland said. The trio sighed in defeat. While Canada was brushing out his hair in the bathroom, Mexico was talking to him.

"This sucks.... what's even wrong with aliens anyway? Ali hasn't tried to hurt anyone!" Mexico exclaimed. Canada sighed.

"Yeah... I feel bad for Ame especially. You know how sentimental he gets over people. And aliens are no different... I just hope he doesn't do anything too stupid...," Canada said.

"Hey kids! Do you know where Ame and Ali are?" Greenland exclaimed from downstairs. Canada and Mexico exchanged a knowing glance.

"Sh*t...,"

Meanwhile, America was speeding far out of town. Ali was in the passenger seat holding Everest, who seemed relatively unbothered by their sudden departure.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Ali asked.

"No. I'm not sure of anything. Not anymore. Not since the accident," America said. Soviet was watching them through the rear-view mirror.

"You are an unbelievable dumba**," Soviet said.

"You know what Soviet? You're not helping," America said.

"I don't want to. This is the stupidest plan you've ever had, and that is saying something," Soviet said.

"History will show that I have been dumber," America retorted.

"What if they come after us?" Ali asked.

"I hope so," Soviet said.

"I stopped thinking rationally years ago. Just trust me," America said.

"Alright... I'll be sure to have a glass of whiskey for both of you when you inevitably end up here in the coming minutes," Soviet said.

"Y'know, you make it so hard to like you," America said. Suddenly, they heard police sirens. "Oh god.... Sov...," America started.

"Fireball or Jack Daniels?" Soviet asked.

"One of each," America said. Ali looked out the window at the police cars.

"Why are the glowing transmission devices yelling at us and following us?" Ali asked.

"Because I'm being bad," America said, regretting all of his life choices.

"Why?!" Ali asked, surprised that his friend was capable of wrongdoing.

"I like you too much," America sighed.

"You can't let sh*t go, can you?" Soviet asked.

"No, why do you think I carry a sh*tty mirror everywhere?" America asked. Soviet shrugged.

"Fair enough," Soviet said. Meanwhile, Canada and Mexico were tracking America's phone as Greenland drove as fast as legally possible to where America was.

"When he gets home he is so grounded...," Greenland groaned.

"Woo! That's another strike for him Mexico! You have second place all to yourself!" Canada exclaimed.

"What?" Greenland asked.

"We started keeping track of the times we got in trouble to see which of us are the bestest boys. So far, Canada has been in first place as the best child with me and America tied in second, but this pushed Ame down to third place!" Mexico exclaimed. Greenland sighed.

"Great...," Greenland said. Just then, they began to hear police sirens.

"We must be getting close!" Canada exclaimed.

"Yep...," Greenland said, focusing on the road ahead of him. "America... you are in so much trouble...,"