The Academy of S.I.D.E.

No. 43: Nut Allergy

"Honestly, Reno's way more interesting than Hope," Remus said, munching on the head of a gummy bear. "She's at least got an actual personality, at the very least."

"Not to mention, she's got the title song," Virgil added. "It kind of makes you expect for Billy to end up with her eventually."

Janus chewed thoughtfully on a Twizzler. "Regardless, though, it's a nice example of a male/female friendship. Bonnie's a fairly fun character, too."

"I'm actually kinda surprised that Remus ended up as Evelyn," Virgil admitted. "I wouldn't have pegged him to play the stuffy type."

"Eh, Moonface was always gonna be Jan-Jan's part, and Billy was always gonna be my brother's," Remus said with a shrug. "Plus, there's a part where I get to be half naked. That's a win in my book."

"Hmmm, I don't know," Janus said, furrowing his brow. "I'm a little lukewarm on that."

Virgil gave him an incredulous look. "You see him naked at least once a week and you're worried about him wearing boxers and an unbuttoned shirt onstage?"

"That's exactly it," he sighed, waving a hand. "Onstage. It's something that only I get to see most of the time, and I can't help but be a little jealous of other people seeing just how..." He leaned over and kissed Remus on the cheek. "Gifted my boyfriend is."

"Oh, you don't need to be jealous," Remus assured him, kissing him back. "Anything below the waist is for your eyes only."

"Wonderful," Janus purred.

Virgil cleared his throat loudly. "I don't think that you can somehow work in homoretic tension between Moon and Evelyn. The two of them barely interact---in fact, Billy and Moon make a lot more sense."

Janus gave him a look. "I think I've stated before that I refuse to pretend to be in love with Roman."

"You don't need to be in love with him. You could just think he's hot." Virgil shrugged. "I dunno, I think he's hot. And he and Remus are identical, right? So they've got the same body... ish."

"Yes, but Roman's personality is a bit of a turn-off for me," Janus reminded him, pointing a Twizzler at him. "So I'd never be able to even act like I like him in that way."

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "Lemme guess, you're only into batshit crazy people?"

Janus smirked. "Precisely."

"Why, thank you, mi serpiente," Remus said, kissing Janus on the forehead. "I take a lot of pride in my insanity."

"As you should, darling. It's one of the best parts of you." He paused. "Well, personality-wise, at least."

"Aaaaaaaaand that's my cue to leave," Virgil announced, standing up. "You guys are adorable, but I don't wanna be held responsible for the two of you making out in the auditorium."

"You're very gracious," Janus said sarcastically.

Virgil grabbed the pork rind and cheese puff bags and started to walk out of the auditorium. After glancing behind him, he wasn't surprised to see that Janus and Remus had already started kissing each other, junk food forgotten.

He walked into the main lobby to see Marjane sitting on the fountain, looking at her phone with a small smile on her face.

"Uh, hey," Virgil said, waving. "Who're you texting?"

"Phia," she answered, looking up from her phone. "I'm technically supposed to be helping the costume department with concept art, but I kind of wanted to get away from Ricky and his latest boyfriend making out. You?"